Last Friday, I decided to check out the Bumble Hive in Soho. The Bumble Hive is, in short, "Bumble in person." Part of these events was networking/mixers at their pop up location in Soho. Having had some slow down in my dating life recently along with possessing a spirit of sheer curiosity mixed with boredom, I make the trip to go see it.
It's smaller than it looks and I had to wait in line to go in but once you did, you were able to get free desserts!! Check out my pics.
That was the line to get drinks. I'm not really a drinker and decided I was not waiting in that long ass line to use my 3 drink tickets so I ventured off and checked out more of the layout.
Yeah, I was NOT going to wait in yet another line. Would you?
The Bumble Hive even had what I call "the beauty room." I saw a girl in there curling her hair with a curling iron. It apparently was in a drawer in this room.
Yes, I took one of those sunscreen bottles. I am a natural redhead & need it more than any of you fucks!! Almost no place I go has many natural redheads in the vicinity and I'm lucky if a small handful are present. Furthermore, if you didn't want me to take it don't leave it out everywhere. I also took one of the coasters since I needed one in my room and they were plentiful. If you've ever seen the movie House of Games, you're familiar with Mike's line about always taking something from where he's at in order to have a memory of the place. I don't know if that's why I'll take freebies but I do think it's a psychological thing.
What weirded me out about going here was that it seems in the whole pro-woman atmosphere, you couldn't get guys to approach you to save your life as a girl. I'd wondered if the place was rife with beta males & had about just concluded it was a night of a few freebies but no men to speak of until a cute guy approached me. We had a nice chat but not sure if that one is going to keep up with me since I wrote him a few days ago and no response. I've also grown more weary of 20 something guys in light of what happened to me earlier this week. We'll get to that.
Later that evening, happy I'd met a guy that seemed interesting I continue with my night plans to stop by a venue that was on the same train line. I catch up with some friends, talk to this guy in my industry who keeps pursuing me (this is a pet peeve since I live by "don't shit where you eat" & my breakups are notoriously awful) and got invited to an event the next evening by an industry contact I know who works in the fashion industry. I had a fashion show in Brooklyn that night but opted out since I figured it would be a good idea to do some business networking and expose myself to different people in an attempt to elevate my network. It was a black tie event so I prettied up, put on makeup and we go to the event.
My plan in this was to see about networking, talk to the sister of the CEO of the film company I was previously involved with (she was apparently one of the organizers/event folks involved & I thought that was an interesting coincidence), basically do business. I was not there to meet guys or do personal stuff but that did end up happening.
A few things to know about me if you were some guy trying to approach me:
1. I don't like beta males. If I'm stronger than you, that's a bad thing. I REALLY fear rejection, live in a state of "when's the other shoe going to drop?" & I'm from NC so you MUST approach the woman, man. I'm also a natural redhead and look as I do so if you thought I wasn't good enough to approach, I'm not going to disturb you and be at fault because I interrupted you with my mere presence.
Plus, do you see luxury retailers begging people off the street to buy their wares? No, you don't. Nobody lowers the price of Gucci or Godiva chocolate or any other luxury brand for the unwashed masses; you have to come to THEM, not the other way around (my having a majestic view notwithstanding).
2. For at least a few months, I thought back to the days when I met guys and we spent hours making out. No sex, just simple making out with some touching and movement (but nothing on the bottom half of either person). I was thinking "What happened to just going out with a guy and making out? What happened to hickies?" I figured in NYC, the land of hookup culture and being my age and divorced that was something I wasn't going to find again. Every single guy I've met since my divorce just wants instant sex and the making out didn't happen nearly as long as I wanted. No hickies since my ex, maybe even my wedding day. I did have a hickey on my neck on my wedding day but fortunately my dress had a scarf with it (which I used to cover that hickey; I just did with style).
Call me sentimental or girly or traditional but I LIKE that stuff. I think if you asked other women about that, they'd tell you the same thing.
3. You're not going to impress me with looks, money or titles. You'll have to use personality. I actually matched up with this Jewish doctor on Bumble who seemed to think commanding me to give out my number when he'd not given me his first was acceptable. I tell him about the nature of my business being such that I do not give my number without getting the asker's first. He goes "Don't be stubborn." I retort that I'm a natural redhead and a lawyer; you don't speak to me like I'm some piece of gutter trash who's going to drop her panties because you have MD next to your name. I have Esq. next to mine & I'm of a smaller minority than you. Plus, either of those things are associated with the person who has them being stubborn by nature. I don't know what he wrote in response but he apparently wrote something then deleted me.
I figured he had no personality. Oh, well.
4. I'm a PDA junkie. I have definitely been guilty of grossing out strangers with my PDA with guys & have no shame about it. A guy who does this willingly and without me having to ask is awesome in my book (at least, if I WANT him to do that with me).
There were a lot of cute guys at this event but plenty were with other women (one of the biggest turnoffs for me is a taken man) and I'm too freaking terrified to approach any guy + don't think I should have to do that.
My friend and I go into this room of the venue where there's a sketch book and drawing materials. She draws a really great sketch and is talking to one of her friends. This really cute guy approaches me and I tell him that my friend drew something in the book. It seems this is something where you're supposed to draw a set of lips and for $10, the group helping this charitable organization will be sending your picture to the kids in Haiti they're doing the event to help. I explained that drawing is not my forte & explained what mine was along with my connection to the event. We get to talking and end up having significant common ground. He tells me he's a scientist and knows nothing of fashion + says he finds many of the people there superficial and in general, finds that you never get to know the real person. I'm thinking "Oh, my God he's saying what I've said and thought!" He said this before I said anything about it. I'm also thinking "He's cute and he's smart so he can understand me." I almost never meet guys who manage to be on my level in looks and education. I got to talk about having majored in Pre-Pharmacy in college and wanting to be a pharmacist before I pursued going to law school and becoming a lawyer. I spoke of my unique career path/vision for all this. We had a lot of common ground, something else I rarely find.
After we spend a lot of time talking at this event (ditching our respective friends we came with), we end up going to the quietest room we can and he moves my head down in a position where I'm not feeling really comfy. The next thing I know, I'm sitting in his lap. We talk some more then he kisses me. After my friend has left and many others have left since this is near the end of the event, we start making out. Since I'm a PDA junkie, I'm thinking "I REALLY like this guy."
He'd driven there so he was kind enough to get me to my friend's place so I could get my comfy shoes and my umbrella. I was forced to wear my shorter nice dress instead of one of my many long gowns due to the rain forecast for that evening (though I never had to be out in it). I was getting hungry by this point because I didn't formally have dinner and ate a little food at the event but not tons of stuff by any stretch. I knew of one place that was open 24 hours but it was closer to where we had been. He actually did drive there. We park then make out some more as neither of us had a curfew to meet or any early morning plans. I was wanting to avoid the significance of Father's Day since gee, my father is dead. His wasn't but he said he didn't have to do family stuff until later.
We go into the restaurant (an empanada place I knew of in the area that's really good) and I was surprised at how crowded it was at 4:30 in the morning. I told him this since every other time I went in there before, it was never that crowded. I was wondering if there were that many people in NYC who didn't have fathers or family obligations the next day. He did like my choice of venue; while we were in there the sun came up.
When we leave, it's 7 in the morning. I'm thinking "I really don't want to have to take the subway home" but I figure he might want me to do that. Instead, he offers to drive me home. I accept and he does this; since he doesn't have any pressing obligations, I invite him up then change my clothes and take off my makeup so I'll be more comfortable. I do my hospitable self and we make out for about 3 more hours. I'm downright giddy at this point and we're both actually awake even though neither of us do these all nighters on a regular basis.
That was not how I expected the night to turn out at all. He didn't even try pressing me for sex or pestering me over it. He seemed to appreciate and enjoy the art of making out like I did. I also got my first hickey in years, I'm pretty sure since Comic Book Boy. I think to myself "Man, I'd like to get to know him since it feels like this guy could be good for me but what if he tells me later on he's dating some other bitch?"
That's precisely what happened to me on Tuesday with Mr. Big Stuff except he didn't bother telling me that: Facebook did. I saw that Mr. Big Stuff was "in a relationship" with some commoner who didn't hold a candle to me in looks & wasn't even a natural redhead. I tell him he'd better not think he was staying at MY house if he's coming to NYC & I knew going to events with him that he'd previously mentioned was out since this lady surely wouldn't approve. He had history with me.
Truth be told, I was kind of dreading having to deal with that in light of the past weekend. I had more fun with that guy in one night than I did dating Mr. Big Stuff for months. I certainly didn't want to get to know this other guy and have Mr. Big Stuff's presence interfering in the new. However, Mr. Big Stuff infuriated me by acting like a public declaration of a bitch was no big deal, told me we'd never been "boyfriend/girlfriend" (funny but HE was the one who asked for exclusivity and was all affectionate to me when he visited in months prior) and said he "didn't gaf (give a fuck) who I met." I took that as my cue to block him everywhere and declare him dead to me; so much for his remembering people who helped him in his life and were there at his lowest. He got "Mr. Big Stuff" because of his attitude matching the song and other personal factors. It just feels fitting, despite the fact that it's a song title and not the most original nickname ever.
Told the guy I'd just met about this because it made me feel depressed and unhappy; he said he was sorry since it sounded like I was close to him at one time but that I didn't need to let this jerk occupy real estate in my head. I told a friend about this and she said "he's exactly right." When I read his response to this early in the morning before I was going on a last minute work assignment, it made me cry with the sweetness conveyed. I told him that red eyes were not a good look for my court appearance though I liked what he said.
After that, I really couldn't help but wonder if this happened for a specific reason. Particularly, that his legend and future potential being gone could clear the way for this guy I just met who'd told me things that aren't what you typically hear from guys in this area (like he rarely goes out & doesn't do online dating but thinks you get a personal connection meeting in person). I'd thought I'd never find a guy who'd just make out with me for hours or give me hickeys; it feels like that sort of thing is considered passe in NYC where you've got instant sex happening left and right & definitely unheard of in the post-divorce world. However, a big part of me is terrified of the other shoe dropping, getting no real consideration and having his story also turn out to be a lie or learning he viewed me as some spontaneous mistake.
I'm trying to keep some faith and focus on my stuff as he focuses on things he told me about that I'd like him to deal with as needed. Plus I can't do instant exclusivity with anyone & said I don't mind gradually getting to know one another though I won't consider exclusivity without seeing one another in-person where possible.
But it's really weird that this whole night happened and it changed me more back to myself. I was definitely more numb and hardened before that. Now I know it's actually possible to get that stuff where I thought it was impossible or a total pipe dream; there's a power in realizing you can do better than you thought you could. I bet my being able to get hot guys post-divorce probably led me to dating Mr. Big Stuff though I hope this will actually go someplace vs. being a mere stepping stone to finding that where I never talk to that guy again. When you realize you CAN do something, you also realize it's possible to get that again.
The only thing I really don't feel that way about is love, maybe because I feel like I never actually had it but simply was the victim of a long con game. The question in my brain is "Do I dare hope?"