Tuesday, June 3, 2014

A Sucky Weekend & Distractions

This past weekend was not one of greatness for me: Saturday marked 10 years to the day I had my first date with the jerky ex while Sunday was the 1 year anniversary of my father's death. Part of me really wanted to be alone those days & just wallow somewhere.

However, that didn't happen since I was given opportunity to do other things. On Saturday, I had a party I was covering for the blog I write for. I felt that since I'd only gone to one event for the festival I was covering I should make an effort to go to this party. Plus, I have a philosophy that you should go to as many different things as you can since you never know where you're going to meet some meaningful person in your life whether that's a professional contact who helps you in business or a new lover or your new best friend (since your old one was adding to the stress & strife of your life). I have sometimes gotten an intuition to go someplace & it paid off.

Case in point: one afternoon when I'd recently started my sophomore year of college, I decided to go see Scary Movie at the theater by myself. I was planning to take the bus then the train to get to the theater. Something just told me to go see it that day. I'd wanted to see it for ages & that sense kicked in.

I followed it & got a ride from none other than my freshman fling. We had a brief conversation. I remember telling him I'd lost my virginity over the summer; yes I talk about stuff like that with guys who dated me. I forgot if he dropped me off at the theater or the train station but regardless he saved me some travel time. I also enjoyed the conversation & had a more pleasant association with him in the future vs. the negative one I was left with as a freshman when he lost interest or decided I wasn't worthy as myself. If I saw him today, I'd first ask what he was doing up here but after that I think I'd just be indifferent & tell him what I've told everyone else about my lack of trust in any exclusive relationship.

I have wondered what my life would have been like had I not met the jerk & just went on my merry way. At that point, I was ready to give up on dating since the male population had pissed me off way too much. This one guy I went on a date with hadn't followed up with me & later told me he was moving. Then this other guy I had a friendship with springs the news on me that he got a girlfriend while dropping me like a hot potato.

Honestly, I do feel like it was a waste of over 9 years of my life to be involved with this guy. I could have had so much sex with that law school friend by now (if he hadn't lost interest or gotten bored, though you have to wonder what's wrong with some guy who loses interest or gets bored with ME since I'm not really all that boring). For that matter, I probably could have had so much sex with far hotter guys than my ex. I wouldn't have considered marriage since that wasn't my goal in life & I actively didn't want to. See how my younger self was right about it?

There is that school that says you get put in the place you're supposed to & things happen for good reason. I figure the end of this marriage means there's better out there for me & he wouldn't have been able to be there for me as things take off.

At least I still have some years left as a hottie. I couldn't imagine having to do this after a man had stolen the best years of my life & I could no longer enjoy the dating scene due to bad aging. I'd be left with really wanting to kill him then. I also don't like to spend my time on regrets & wishing for things you can't change. I look at today & dealing with that along with the future.

On Sunday, I had an event that was part of my new life. I got a little weepy a few times talking about my father & thinking about where I was a year ago that day. However, I figured wiser people were right in saying my father wouldn't want me to be off by myself that day.

By & large the weekend didn't turn out as bad as expected. I realized I've evolved from some of that past & the likes of my ex along with his hypocritical, scummy family won't be putting the likes of me down. More proof I'm an unstoppable force. In fact, I was typing an update to a friend yesterday & as I was doing this, Pandora was playing "Survivor" by Destiny's Child. I appreciated that irony.

Shocked the ex hasn't run home to Mommy & Daddy yet. "Responsible" wasn't exactly a word in his vocabulary and "self-starter" sure isn't. I do know at least 2 things for certain: he'll never be a millionaire unless he wins the lottery & he's never going to have a woman as good looking as me (certainly not better looking). Let him die in a pile of comics. That would be poetic.

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