What the Holy Fuck?!?! Craig's List Ads, Part 4

This is mostly the shitty businesses & law firms edition though one of these is an "I can't believe someone wrote THAT." Oh, here goes:

paralegal / attorney (lwr manhat)
Date: 2012-05-07, 6:31AM EDT

Reply to: kpjt3-2993555389@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

minority ssolo needs a paralegal / attorney to draft motions / pleadings / research, reply with your areas of experience

Location: lwr manhat
it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 2993555389

I felt compelled to respond to this. Here's what I said:

Do you mention being a "minority ssolo" b/c I'm supposed to feel sorry for you? How is that detail in any way relevant to this type of work?

Writer also doesn't = attorney or even paralegal. Too many people post those ads there thinking they can pay a professional, licensed individual like an attorney the same rate they'd pay a Wal-Mart cashier or a minimum wage worker. If they don't want to pay market rates, maybe they should be asking that Wal-Mart cashier to do the work. It's unauthorized practice of law but seems these cheapskates don't really care about being professionals anyhow.

I also have zero sympathy for someone offering "no pay" for this kind of work. Plenty of solos have to do things THEMSELVES & don't expect total strangers to serve as slave labor. Maybe you should get off this "minority" thing, offer a fair wage (or at the very least travel expenses) & maybe then you'd be taken seriously. Otherwise, expect derision & anger from strangers who don't care about your practice + have their own bills to pay.

Don't forget that you get what you pay for & quality costs money.

Do you think my company posts ads for jobs touting women & minority ownership or mentions the ethnicity of the CEO, COO or other members of the leadership team? I don't think that's relevant unless your company's projects relate to that in some way. A law firm should NEVER post an ad like this, misspellings aside.

Seeing this in an ad in such a fashion feels to me like you're trying to get freebies & favors b/c of your minority status. Don't we have enough problems with negative stereotypes & things like affirmative action without people doing this to themselves? I don't personally need a handout, thank you. I also don't have a high opinion of others who beg for them when I know so many worse off individuals who never asked for a thing from anyone or had an entitlement complex because of their life circumstances.

Now, let's talk about the people with unrealistic expectations who are couching slave labor as internships. A prime example:

Graphic Design Intern (West Village)

Date: 2012-06-27, 5:58PM EDT
Reply to: fmpjb-3105241104@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

LOOKING FOR AN AMAZING GRAPHIC DESIGN INTERN. Need a simple logo and business card design for an amazing company! Also need flyers designed. Send your portfolio, references and a resume. Tell me why you are out of the box.

Potential growth and future projects available. Tell me what your about. And How I can help! :)

Can work from home. MUST BE ORGANIZED, ATTENTION TO DETAIL and MEET DEADLINES.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 3105241104

I also responded to this asshole. Here's what I said:

So, you want a portfolio & references from an INTERN and have no words about teaching anybody ANYTHING. And you have the gall to demand "ORGANIZED, ATTENTION TO DETAIL and MEET DEADLINES?!?!"

This just sounds like you want a slave.

How about paying a PROFESSIONAL designer a market rate? Creativity in this arena has a value & it does have a price just like any other skill. Would YOU want to do this for some company where you will not receive a damn thing or even equity? No?

Then go fuck yourself & either pay a professional a fair wage or do it yourself! You get what you pay for & Craig's List strangers do NOT give a shit about you or your problems.

And, no I as a stranger do NOT care about your business or your problems. I've got plenty of my own & so does everybody else on this planet. Before I care, you're going to have to actually be nice to me. Or (gasp!) treat me with some basic respect. That goes for plenty of other people as well but especially me.

Who wants to bet these jerk-offs have no friends? If they did, they sure wouldn't post ads on Craig's List gigs & jobs sections asking for freebies. A friend might actually take pity on you & do it or give you a good deal.

Then, more lawyer/law firm fails. Here you go:

LAW STUDENT INTERNSHIP (Midtown)Date: 2012-06-07, 10:15AM EDT

Reply to: ntvpj-3062816424@job.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Well known midtown law firm seeks an intern for its litigation department. Interns at our firm will learn all about litigation in New York through hands on experience. You will NOT be filing or making photocopies! Our firm's areas of practice are employment law, personal injury, real estate, medical litigation. Each intern will have the opportunity to attend depositions, court proceedings, and even trials. Although it is an unpaid position, you will gain real legal experience. This is a true learning experience!

Hours M-F 10-4:30

Please email resume and be ready to interview and start immediately!

Compensation: Unpaid
This is an internship job
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 3062816424

Here's what I said in response:

I think you're full of shit when you claim to practice employment law & when you claim to be a "well known midtown law firm." Are you well known for VIOLATING labor laws since that's what you're doing with this ad?

Add up the hours you list: that's 32 & 1/2 hours a WEEK. That's NOT an "internship," that's a cheap exploitation attempt. Most internships are about 20 hours a week. Even law schools don't allow students to work that many hours during the school year. I also see NOTHING about school credit or even travel reimbursement.

Do you think that because you're some "well known" firm that you are exempt from state & federal labor laws? Do any of your managing attorneys even HAVE licensing in NY state because this sounds like an ethics violation to me. Go read up on the attorney ethics rules & how attorneys don't get to violate state or federal laws.

Here's hoping you get shut down real quick. If you can't afford travel reimbursement or to take on multiple interns to avoid violating the law & their abilities to make a living (most law students don't live in dorms or have trust funds), don't waste the time of Craig's List readers posting such insulting crap like this. I'm surprised you don't also require the intern to shine your shoes & wax your cars considering the hours are tantamount to slavery. Oh, and you may want to consider the fact that business owners DO read things & are taking notes on how companies treat their staff. After all, if this is how you treat your prospective staff, I'd sure as hell not want to be your client.

The next law firm fail (these only get worse):

LAW STUDENT SUMMER INTERNS WANTED (Williamsburg, Brooklyn)
Date: 2012-07-08, 7:03PM EDT
Reply to: hgt7m-3126909185@job.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

A litigation law firm located in Brooklyn seeks 2 summer interns, who are current law school students. This internship is unpaid. Full time preferred. Interview this week and start immediately.

Excellent learning opportunity and many interesting projects to work on. Most work involves legal research and writing briefs for motions.

Please send an email with the following:

1. SUMMER INTERN APPLICANT in the subject line.
2. Say what year you're in law school.
3. Say your current law school GPA
4. Say whether you're on a journal or moot court
5. Give reason why you have not been employed this summer prior to employment, and if employed or otherwise doing something now, explain.
6. State your availability to start, whether you can work full time, and your last day of availability this summer.
7. Relay your relevant experience that could help you handling assigned tasks when it comes to NY/NJ civil litigation.
8. Attach PDF documents of your resume and cover letter with the above information.


Location: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Compensation: Unpaid
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 3126909185

My response:

Wow, it seems your law firm is run by hipsters living off a trust fund. You also aren't very bright considering full time internships are illegal under state & federal labor laws. Oh, and the department of labor has been cracking down locally & nationally on employers doing illegal internships.

You DO know that the ethics rules bar attorneys from engaging in unethical conduct such as breaking the law. How do you think some full time intern is going to pay bills & eat? How will they even get there when I see ZERO mention of reimbursement for travel nor anything for clothing costs or dry cleaning since I'll bet you don't let people show up in shorts & T-shirts (items that can be washed in a machine)? Student loans don't cover living expenses in the summer; are you just looking for trust fund babies or people leeching off Mommy & Daddy?

My job is about a million times more interesting than I'm sure most of your cases are but I don't have the balls or the temerity to hire someone to be a FULL TIME intern & make that person PAY $100+ a month to work for me. Maybe I also have more ethics & care about my karma; clearly you don't.

I hope you get reported to the state bar for this & that you get what's coming to you for this garbage. I'm sure your little trust funding leeches will be wonderfully productive workers who exhibit loyalty to you; except they'll probably have zero work ethic & not give a damn. After all, why should they? Would YOU give a damn about this offer?

Would YOU be willing to do this? If not, get your head out of your ass & come back down to Earth.

Signed, A Lawyer Who Isn't an Egotistical Prick

I couldn't resist calling them hipsters because of the Williamsburg thing. It also seems like something a hipster would do, considering there is that company selling "Bottled Brooklyn."

Then, I read this ad:

NYC Law Firm Seeks Law Student for PT/FT Internship (get experience!) (Downtown)

Date: 2012-07-10, 11:58AM EDT
Reply to: xjb6p-3130301856@job.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


New York City based law firm seeks a motivated law student intern to help with day-to-day tasks. We are a young, growing firm with offices in Downtown Manhattan and Brooklyn. The practice is geared towards civil litigation and debt relief. This position will offer you the opportunity to learn nearly all facets of a small practice and will include regular interaction with clients and attorneys, research, drafting, clerical work and negotiations. Our office works as a team, we are willing to train you. Must be computer literate and comfortable speaking on the phone. Join our collegial environment and learn how law is practiced at the ground level. You will have the opportunity to obtain a great amount of practical experience.

Our line of work is very fulfilling and our clients tend to be grateful for our assistance. If you seek personal satisfaction in addition to great hands-on experience, then this may be the internship for you.

The internship is unpaid, however, school credit may be issued depending on your schools requirements. There is a possibility of this internship turning into a paid position in the future.

Applicant MUST be available for the duration of the summer AND continue during the upcoming semester. Part-time or full-time.

APPLICATION INSTRUCTIONS:
-Email us at the address above with the subject "Internship Application"
-Attach your resume to the email in .doc or .pdf format
-Write a brief cover letter in the body of the email stating the following:
1. Which school you are attending
2. What school year you are entering
3. Your interest and goals in seeking an internship
4. Indicate the extent of your availability for this summer and the upcoming semester
5. Indicate any relevant experience

We thank you for your interest in the firm and look forward to speaking with you shortly!

Compensation: TBD / Internship
This is a part-time job.
This is an internship job
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 3130301856

My response?

By law, you can't solicit for FULL TIME internships. Go read up on state & federal labor laws; there have been crackdowns on illegal internships on the state & local level.

Plus, you're supposed to be lawyers & should know better than to violate the very laws you're supposed to be using to HELP people.

AND, you have the nerve to charge people $ (transit passes DO cost $; NYC travel ISN'T free) to do this. Who the hell do you think you are? I hope you get contacted by the grievance committee on this since exploitation should certainly be a grievable offense. Even law school work study programs for PUBLIC INTEREST work pay $10 an hour. You are NOT a public interest organization so it also sounds like you're trying to steal from those programs b/c you're too cheap to pay $104 a month for a monthly MetroCard.

Really, go to hell & stop living up to the negative attorney stereotypes. This epitomizes just why people hate lawyers.

Not to mention if you read the labor laws, you can't even say you might give someone a paying job in the future if they do an internship.

I swear, if I knew who any of these firms were or the people there, I'd be reporting them to the ethics committee in a second. We don't need to be standing for this shit & it makes the rest of us look scummy by association. Do we need MORE reasons for the public to hate lawyers as a whole? I have no loyalty to a group of scumbags who are just hurting my reputation as a lawyer as well as that of my lawyer friends who aren't entitled douchebags, exploiting new workers & if they're publicly posting these sorts of ads on Craig's List, doing God only knows what else. I don't associate with scumbags who'd do something like that & have never heard of a legitimate law firm soliciting slavery in such a blatant fashion.

Those pricks need to be publicly castigated & get what's coming for this mess. EVERYONE was new once & I'm sure people helped THEIR sorry little asses without forcing them to pay to work someplace or engaging in outright exploitation for ZERO dollars. Pay it forward, bitches!!! Pay it forward.

This doesn't just go to lawyers but for everyone in the working world. You aren't going to be there forever & you won't have all your mental faculties forever. Don't be a hoarding, jealous asshole to up & comers. The entertainment field is much better with its faster career trajectory.

Perhaps more respect for attorneys would lead to fewer ads like this one:

Need a small business contract revised. (Bronx)

Date: 2012-07-10, 1:34PM EDT
Reply to: nsbwr-3089680758@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


I have paper copies and have somethings to be edited&added. I would need it done asap. So serious inquries only and must have referance's.
Location: Bronx
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $60

PostingID: 3089680758

My response, though I still see this prick posting the same damn thing:

This is an ATTORNEY thing (meaning it's against the law to get a writer to do this if you expect it to protect you from legal liability; a smart writer wouldn't touch this if they had any aspiration of ever being a lawyer).

Plus, no sane person is doing this for 60. Attorneys charge over $100 AN HOUR for their work.

Have some respect for trained professionals or do it your damn self. You get what you pay for.

Want to keep encouraging this shit, attorneys?

To lighten the mood a little, here's that "I can't believe you posted THAT" ad:

~Masculine men 20-26 for upscale male execs~ (NY NJ)

Date: 2012-06-27, 6:52PM EDT
Reply to: 4pdsq-3094214438@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


In search of masculine males 20-26 for male for male executives and people of influence.
Interested? Do you have what it takes? Look good dressed and undressed? Comfortable with male for male interaction?
Masculine? Discreet? Sane? Open minded? Hot? Good oral skills? (understand?)
Interested and qualified...send e-mail with pictures - face, shirtless chest, body and brief description of why you are right for this opportunity.
No Pictures will get no response.

Location: NY NJ
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: Per opportunity

PostingID: 3094214438

Apparently, the Craig's List Talent Gigs section in my area has become a section to solicit prostitution & hire for adult work. Now in fairness, I think the adult film work & things that aren't illegal in this state but that I don't care to see in "talent" or have associated with my company's business/work as a mainstream entertainment company should get a separate adult section even if it's under a new name.

I don't even intellectually have a problem with escort ads & this sort of thing (which are solicitations for prostitution) but it's illegal in this state so they shouldn't get a forum in the Craig's List "Talent" section which is supposed to be for mainstream entertainment folk. What next, ads asking to buy drugs or offering them for sale? If drug dealers & users can't do that, why should escort services get to? Plus, I'd rather not see it in the talent section; it belongs in the personals since it's "personal" services after all. I believe that's also where you find those ads in the Village Voice.

For me, it's more enforce the laws for everyone or enforce them for no one. The directness of it just made me laugh.

So, it's not just law firms doing appalling internship/slavery ads but apparently a bike shop in Williamsburg (more damn hipsters) also has screwy ideas. Consider this:

Bicycle Start up needs two summer college interns (Williamsburg)

Date: 2012-06-27, 2:43PM EDT
Reply to: tdhhd-3099726729@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


We are looking for two college interns to work at a fast paced bicyle start up in WIlliamsburg. There are two different roles. One is to help build the actual bikes and requires a techincal background, you should know your way around bikes, cars, motorcycles and understanding of basic tools is required. The second role is for a junior SEM/SEO position which will have your managing posting ads and managing emails and responses for sales. Both are paid postions. Please email a resume and picture to sales (at) spcarbon.com Be sure to check out www.facebook.com/spcarbon and www.spcarbon.com to have an idea of what we do. This is a big opportunity which lots of room for growth and we can also help you to get school credit. Thanks

Location: Williamsburg
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: Hourly pay.

PostingID: 3099726729

Growing bike company needs its summer intern (Union Square)

Date: 2012-06-27, 2:37PM EDT
Reply to: tmvr8-3099782056@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Growing company needs its summer intern !!! Take this opportunity to create website content, edit videos, work on professional pictures, give your ideas and opinions, be a part of a real creative project building high end bicyles in WIlliamsburg off the L train. We need two interns that can do some of the following: Be creative, willing to learn, follow instructions, know some HTML, web design, graphic design, video/photo editing. creative writing, photoshop and illustrator, facebook, pinterest, social networks. Nobody is perfect so we know you will probably not fit each and every of the criterias above. If you are creative and knowledgeable, please send resume and picture to sales (at) spcarbon.com

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: hourly pay

PostingID: 3099782056

Did you read these carefully? Notice what they asked for that's illegal? Personal photographs of their applicants. That prompted this note:

Are you seriously asking intern candidates to send in personal photographs? Are you on crack?

That's a total violation of EEOC & you're just asking to get sued for unfair employment practices. Why do you think there are no job ads that say "black people need not apply" or "no white people will be considered?" You need to be getting some legal counsel ASAP since you're going to get sued for this. I'll laugh my butt off when you get fined or lose your little company after getting hammered for violating labor laws.

Not to mention this sort of thing tells your potential clients & vendors a LOT about the type of company you are as well as your total lack of ethics, sense of fair play, etc. If you're looking for fuck puppets, try the personals section.

Yes, to me a business asking for applicant photographs is = to "I'm looking for someone to have sex with and will abuse my power as an employer/person paying your bills to make that person you. I don't give a shit about your personal relationships to anyone else."

I think people like that need to be shot & emasculated, male or female. Perhaps they should patronize one of those escort services if they want to get laid & are too repulsive for any decent person to even consider kissing on the mouth. I wonder if legalizing prostitution would reduce the number of people using the guise of a job to get sexual services from some unwitting victim who just wants to earn an honest living.