Sunday, January 15, 2012

Friday the 13th is My Lucky Day & Why I Need a Gay Male Friend

It is, believe it or not. Traditionally, I never have major disappointments or terrible problems on Friday the 13th. I know it's considered "unlucky" and all that, but it's always been the opposite for me.

Valentine's Day, on the other hand, the day conventional society considers "happy" and great was shitty for me when I was single & old enough to be interested in dating. The story of that has been discussed in earlier posts. Today's for Friday the 13th.

Friday the 13th was actually the day I selected for my wedding: October 13th, in fact. I figured my Friday the 13th luck + the same month as Halloween, a "scary" holiday would be perfect since I'd be assured the groom would show up. I also wore black to make damn sure it went well for me. Plus, I'm not a traditionalist & never claimed to be.

I also ended up having a date with this guy I'd had a crush on, my freshman fling if you will. That was my sophomore year after he was pursuing this other girl who was friends with my friends & told us all about that date (she was pissed at him afterwards for being too cheap to do valet parking but taking her to this super expensive restaurant).

This Friday the 13th wasn't much different in the whole "things going my way" dynamic. I got 2 different things in the mail from the same hotel I'd gone to for holding at my last extra gig (that one where they lied about the amount of time extras were needed & where I chose not to be exploited when I wasn't even getting paid). One was stating I'd won their Winter Sweepstakes & the second was a birthday greeting. Both entitle me to events there that I now have to go through & see who can attend. Still waiting to hear back from the people who sent this stuff to iron out all the details.

By the way, this is the second contact I've gotten about free parties for my birthday. I'm starting to feel like either an unwitting socialite or a gangster. I wonder if these people know I'm married & to a man who hates most clubs/lounges + also doesn't drink.

See, I don't mind dancing though I'd never consider myself the world's greatest or anything close to it. I was super self-conscious about it when I was younger b/c I had classmates in middle school who'd tell me to do it on command (I didn't) but I didn't have much confidence in doing it until I went to my first frat party & most of the people there were drunk. I figured A) I'm seeing much worse dancers here & B) if anyone criticizes me, I can just say "How would you know how I dance? You were drunk!" No one bothered me about it so now I'm better about it.

Still, though I generally won't unless a sufficient amount of other people are doing it (particularly non-pros) especially if there's no drinking happening. Since getting married, I don't really get to do it much. I did get to on Friday when I went to this networking event that wasn't disclosed to me as a singles event but apparently was to the guy who asked me to dance.

Free dating tip for you guys: women like men who will dance with them. If you're good at it, even better. Getting to dance with someone who's good when you're average at best is a great thing. If you can't dance, try getting lessons.

The problem with me doing that, though is that this guy seemed to get the wrong idea. Why the fuck can't I just dance for the sake of dancing?! Why can't my being married mean that either you move along to a single girl (if that's your intent) or you just talk to me as a fucking potential friend/networking contact/basis for creative work without trying to make sexual overtures?! It's not like I can flirt (if you think I flirt with people, you've not been out in public with me; I generally do my best to give off the "I'm not here for a hook-up" vibe & have never approached a guy unless a creepier guy was bothering me--then it's a matter of survival vs. putting one's self out there). I also make it a personal mission not to go out of my way to impress others (as I have for my entire dating life & could explain why I didn't have that one true love I married out of high school). This pervasive "guy getting the wrong idea" stuff has even come up in legal networking events!

I realize there's a lack of attractive female attorneys & that few people act like me but Jesus Christ! The way I've been treated at times, you'd think I was the last female catch left on Earth.

It's not like I walk around in pasties and a thong, you know. Even if I did, I think it would be more artistic on me than sexy (I think exposed butt cheeks & nipples are inappropriate unless you're doing a theater/film/TV role that called for it; most likely, I'd not take that sort of role though I have done swimsuits on stage).

Furthermore, how about the right of a woman to dress as she wants to? Why should my having a figure & looks be a punishment? Sometimes a cigar IS just a cigar, folks!

See why I have to be an enforcer? If I weren't, I'd be in a perpetual race against some aspiring Pepe Le Pew.

We actually just got the new Pepe Le Pew cartoon set and when you watch him in action, you're like "Wow, Pepe Le Pew's a rapist & into some kinky stuff."

Consider some of his pickup lines. If you used them, I guarantee women would smack you if not worse. A couple gems:

* Introducing yourself to a woman as "[Your name], your lover."
* Saying "Everyone should have a hobby. My hobby is making love." to a woman you've just met.

Seems if I want to go dancing anywhere & especially in a club, I'm going to have get a gay male friend who A) can dance, B) will go to clubs, C) has a steady boyfriend/husband, D) is hard-core, super gay but either doesn't look it on the outside or scares straight men & ideally E) the steady boyfriend/husband hates going out as much as my husband.

Heck, it seems I need that friend for going to most things.

I think that combo would work so I could just dance for the sake of dancing & not have to worry about a partner getting the wrong idea. No one's looking for romantic prospects so no being a third wheel. If the guy looks straight to others or terrifies straight men w/his gayness, it keeps cretins from bothering me (remember, I'm straight & not even the slightest bit curious so leading on a woman isn't an option).

Barring that, maybe I should get some type of libido reduction drug I can slip into people's drinks. Light enough to keep someone conscious & able to carry on a conversation but strong enough to stop the dude from thinking I'm going to violate my marriage vows. My field DOES require networking & is it my fault that many of the people with power and influence in the professional sphere are men?

Maybe if some of you men weren't making me uncomfortable with the sexual overtures, I'd help you find someone who makes you as happy as my spouse makes me.

I don't think this was a bad guy per se but if I managed to find someone, I know there's hope for most single people. Think of the awful scumbags you know who have significant others. If they have them, why not you?

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