The Case Against Christmas Cards & Giving Gifts

So, now we're in the holiday season. Apparently, I've not written about this issue but I feel like I should. This article also prompts a response.

First off, we resolve every single year not to have to mail out Christmas cards. My family & I are not about the Christmas cards. We rarely got any from anyone via mail & we were more apt to do exchanges with co-workers, classmates, people we saw all the time. No one in my family would foam at the mouth or freak out if you didn't send them a Christmas card.

Think about snail mail Christmas cards for a moment: you pay a huge amount in postage per card (44 cents a piece at last count, though the rate easily could have gone up since I had to mail things), the cards are usually generic in scope & many people who get them don't bother to save them. Once they take out the cash or gift card, they usually just throw it in the trash either right away or shortly after Christmas.

Now I ask you, what is the point of that? If you have some elderly grandparent who doesn't know diddly about the Internet that's one thing but there are plenty of grandparents who have computers & Facebook accounts of their own so that "old age" argument is wearing thin. If you're not completely infirm in some way (like no movement in your extremities, having your own room at the hospital or needing 24/7 assisted living care) or living very close to the poverty line, I do think you should be making some effort to get with modern times and at least know how to write and receive e-mail. I'm sure even many people with terminal illnesses know these basics.

This should be mandatory in the workplace; no one should have to cater to your Luddite ways when you're hampering business operations by refusing to adapt (yes, you are). Customers will respond by not patronizing your business & going to your competitors. Younger workers a.k.a. the future of society will go work someplace where the boss actually bothers with modern technology. Basic, modern technology is a boon to ALL of us & does make life easier. Stop using your past glory to be a technology snob! We are not impressed & we don't care what you did when we were still in diapers. Try doing great things NOW in 2012!

You also can't claim to be an environmentalist or "green" in any way if you are mailing out Christmas cards. If you're doing that, you're just a hypocrite & can keep your mouth shut about people not recycling as well as about mothers using disposable diapers on their babies.

I think the Christmas card had its time when postage was cheaper but today, it doesn't make sense to me. I figure once more of the Jurassic Luddites die out, we'll be strictly on the e-mail Christmas cards or just giving cards to people without putting yet more money in the US Post Office's pocket (and you know how fond I am of them).

Plus, when we get them it becomes a whole obligation of "Now, we have to send YOU one." That's irritating & personally I don't care but my husband feels differently.

Maybe this is one of those familial differences: I didn't have any super old relatives to send things to me. We didn't have money to spare on frivolities like Christmas cards & Thank You notes. We believe in talking to people and personally being nice to them or thanking them for a gift. That is sufficient for me & for any rational person. Yeah, yeah, etiquette rules & "Aren't you the etiquette queen?" you may ask? Here's the answer: you've met your etiquette duties when you said "Thank you," once or "Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays/Happy Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy Whatever!" once.

Sending me a card is saying it to me twice & I'm not some unfeeling bitch who expects you to spend $50 sending Christmas cards when you might be this close to losing electricity or being kicked out of your home. You don't know how big someone's family/friends circle might be & even $20 could be an imposition.

I'd rather you saved your money & had food to feed your kids instead of fulfilling some outdated, antiquated notion of "etiquette" that has no place in 2012. I grew up living on that razor's edge so I don't get all butt hurt if someone didn't send me a paper card. How do you know that person isn't in serious financial straits or has the same attitude I have about such things? Do YOU save all the Thank You notes you get & have a collection of all the ones you've ever gotten from anyone? If you trash them, you've got no right to be angry if someone thanked you in person or on the telephone instead of sending you a paper card. My philosophy on Thank You notes is the same as it is with Christmas cards. Informality, you say? Well, good thing you've got money to throw away; some of us have to live on a budget & don't have it to burn like you do.

Seriously, SAVE YOUR MONEY! Send me an e-card instead. Better yet, send me a personalized e-mail if you want to thank me or wish me a happy holiday.

We're sending cards to a couple people as a kind gesture since they don't have funds for things. I'm not expecting return cards from them since they are living near the poverty line. That's my own choice to be nice.

I guess I also despise such traditions since no one is honest about why they're doing things. You know that secretly, everyone wants a card and/or gift if they give you one & some of these people are materialistic jerks who could use a viewing of What Would Jesus Buy? or some time at a homeless shelter to see real hardship. They could use a lesson in appreciation & stop viewing gifts as an entitlement.

Now, on the topic of gift giving: as I get older, it becomes much harder to write a Christmas list. When I was younger, I was like every other kid having a list long enough to paper the county 3 times over. Okay, not literally but I could definitely come up with things.

As you get older, you recognize the difference between needs and wants. My wants have also decreased dramatically & changed. These days, most of my wants are based on money being no object like buying me good stock or office space or paying off my student loan debt. Since no one I know can do that (nor would I ask someone to pay off my student loan debt), I'm left with very little I can think of for lists. It's like "What can you get me that I couldn't get myself?"

I also still have a lot of clothing & personal preferences that some of my list seekers aren't as supportive of or in tune with. I can trust my immediate family to buy me things fitting my taste & style and my in-laws will buy things I wouldn't have necessarily thought of for myself but then look good in when I try them on. However, I wouldn't trust people outside these groups to clothes shop for me without a link to the exact item I wanted.

I'm also upgrading things so getting that stuff costs more. Jewelry, I'm looking at you.

We also have limited space in our home, don't go to most chain restaurants we can get to around here & I have subscriptions to Groupon and Living Social that I check regularly for deals. Some of my list seekers refuse to use the Internet or live very far away from me & wouldn't call a NYC venue to see about a gift certificate or card for us to use.

Therefore, if I don't know what I want & you have crazy parameters, how are you going to know what I want or spend your money wisely on a gift for me? Maybe I need more gift giving friends in the financial realm who know about buying stock. I could keep stock certificates in my home more easily.

I have to now respond to that Backstage article. Maybe the Secret Agent Man & his associates like actors to give them gifts but I wouldn't want someone in a business relationship with me (as opposed to having established an independent friendship with me) giving me gifts. Actors doing it feels to me like they're trying to suck up to me or buy my affection.

If I were a manager, I wouldn't want a client doing that & lawyers aren't supposed to be using their legal representation to get presents or freebies from clients. The ethics rules are especially wary of clients giving large gifts to their lawyers.

You being a shitty actor or legal client isn't going to change with you giving me a good gift. Your gift will not change my opinion of you in that respect. I might think you're a nice person & that you were thoughtful but if you suck, you suck. That's just all there is to it. Maybe I'd feel more inclined to help you not suck but it feels like encouraging actors to give gifts just encourages the mediocre & lousy to use it as a means to get undeserved opportunities. I am not a present whore & don't want people thinking a shiny gift makes up for their shortcomings, personality problems, whatever the issue is. I'd rather have pleasant people in my life who aren't causing me stress, grief & hassle instead of problem causers who think giving me a nice Christmas gift makes up for their bullshit the rest of the year.

Who's with me on this? Are YOU a present whore?

General Musings, Part 1

From time to time, I have mini-rants that don't quite merit a full post or have more to say about something I've already ranted about (usually b/c some cruddy situation has reached a new low). Anyhow, I figure we could just call this "general musings." I'll likely do more of them in the future but I don't want this to be a fully autobiographical account of my life. This is a semi-public forum & I'm paranoid.

I saw this story yesterday & it really burned me.

Okay, a few things to consider:

1. While I agree that you definitely don't get honest answers from people in interviews & stuff, plenty of former co-workers & bosses aren't exactly pillars of honesty. I personally know people who'd be badmouthed by former bosses for not putting a dead-end job ahead of their education, not dating or having sex w/him/her or b/c the boss is a complete & utter bigot. You don't know someone's motivation for speaking + if you don't think these things happen in the real world, you're naive.

2. If I were ever asked to sign something saying I wouldn't sue for possible defamation, I would tell the person that we'll be ice skating in Hell before I sign it. I'd also go into the details I've mentioned above as to why you'd be a fool to sign it.

3. Some former bosses & co-workers are manipulative, jealous freaks who might hate the person in question + want to see that person fail miserably. How will you know they're liars unless you're getting a lie detector machine & hooking them up to it? Even then, lie detectors aren't 100% reliable or accurate. That's why the results aren't admissible in court.

Same thing for checking credit. If I'm not applying for a job where that's actually relevant, you're not getting it. I might even see about the possibility of initiating legal action against you.

I was reading comments to a story on that issue & someone posted this link. You can use it to see where prospective employers are digging. Someplace in there, there's a way to get that information for free but I can't find it.

Final rant. As I watch the GSN show Baggage, I notice many of the contestants (many of them being women, I might add) showing bad sides to their personality that make me dismiss them as hypocrites, selfish, gold-diggers, etc. Here's an example:

Female contestant. 3 male bachelors, one of whom has dropped out of high school. Her justification for making that an issue: "The economy is bad & education is valuable." Did someone not get the memo that thousands, if not millions of college grads are out of work? Did we not hear about the lawyer job market?

So when she's down to this bachelor & another guy who golfs 5 days a week, has an MBA (basically blue collar guy vs. white collar guy), she gets all whiny b/c the high school dropout has a sugar mama. This after she's told Jerry Springer (who strikes me as a cool guy) that she's looking for a rich guy to "take care of her."

Sorry, honey but you're a hypocrite! If you run around trying to get a sugar daddy & won't bother advancing yourself in life, you have no cause to get pissy at a man for doing the exact SAME thing w/a woman. For me, if you don't bother to take care of YOURSELF & have to rely on some rich guy to "take care of you," you need to just start working in a strip club or become a hooker b/c that's what you are. Go sleep w/one of our nation's politicians if you want to be rich & famous w/out trying.

I'll give Anna Nicole Smith this: at least she made no bones about being in it for the money when she was stripping in her early days. For all the badmouthing you want to do about her marrying an old man for money, at least she was more honest about that than your average woman. Evolution or not, we're living in modern times now.

I don't base my romantic views & certainly never picked boyfriends based how much money they have. While I think more of my friends will be those w/money as time goes on, it's certainly not going to convince me to leave my husband.

Another contestant on this show who pissed me off was this one woman who trashed the dog of one of the bachelor's, implying homosexuality on him for owning a small dog.

Let me tell you something, bitch. A dis on my pet or anyone I care about is a dis on me so you'd better be ready to throw down if you say certain things to me (especially if you're a stranger). My husband & I immediately branded this woman as a bitch for that.

If I was the casting director, I think I'd be trying to find better contestants. Some Everyman/Everywoman types that people can like & root for instead of skanky types that you hope end up getting a bad match b/c they deserve it. Not every attractive person out there is an asshole. Nor is every ugly person a saint. Generalizations are an ugly thing.

Now I'm sliding into another rant I just realized I had in me but would rather wait for another post to probe.

Wow, The 50th Post!! Probably Not Kid-Friendly

Who knew? As I promised myself yesterday, today's topic for thought is porno. That's because my husband did an April Fool's prank film review of the Paris Hilton sex tape & I was forced to sit through that w/him. Go check it out; there's links for it all over Facebook & at the film company's blog.

I'm still really pissed off about the thing I wrote about yesterday but for now, I'm pressing forward on this.

Anyhow, my views on it aren't all black & white. One thing I can say about myself is that I'm not a person who fits into a neat little box. I'm not some stereotype & I don't walk in lockstep w/the other liberals, attorneys or whatever group you'd stick me in based on what I do, believe or practice.

So, here goes. I happen to agree with the idea that sex is a part of life. My own mother, a very religious person, has famously said to me "Of course sex feels good. Nobody would do it if it didn't." She says a lot of great, witty things. My husband says she's the reason I'm insane (well, I prefer "quirky" since I don't think I've hit "lock her up in an institution" insane just yet).

I grew up in that "sex is sinful" atmosphere but by college, I'd basically felt it was time to stop worrying about anyone else's views on what I did & think about how I felt. I also wanted to have experiences that I couldn't in my hometown; there's a freedom in going to college elsewhere & not being shackled in your childhood image. You get to reinvent yourself. College professors at my school encouraged students to get laid; one of them was known for sleeping w/students but since I consider school like a job, you'd have never seen ME doing that no matter how hot or kind any professor might have been.

So I got to be the hot chick that I never was in high school. I got to have guys show an interest in dating me; that was new, let me tell you.

However, I wasn't really a slut. I couldn't flirt if my life depended on it, even now. An ex once told me that I try flirting but I fail horribly at it. I said this to my husband & he agreed w/the ex. I think flirting is BS; it's not in my nature since I'm far too sincere & I think it's a form of lying. I was getting male attention without trying that hard; actually, I still do.

So how does this relate to my attitudes about porn?

Well, I was never the kind of wife or girlfriend who'd demand a guy to get rid of his porno mags. I'd never tell my husband to do that, even though he'd only watch or read it w/me unless he was in a group of friends. He appreciates what he's got.

I don't get women who do that; it's not like the guy's off sleeping w/someone else. The actress or model he's looking at isn't going to seduce him in person. She's probably got her own boyfriend (maybe girlfriend) & her own problems.

It's like getting jealous of some celebrity in a film. Do you really think Angelina Jolie is going to pick YOUR boyfriend or husband to have a serious relationship with? If you do, you're an idiot & need to get some smart pills.

At least the guy's looking at WOMEN; he could be looking at naked guys, you know?

So unless sexual stuff involves children, animals, non-human beings or people who didn't consent, you're not going to hear protests about it from me. I feel a similar way about prostitution. If you're adults & there's no pimp, it's not my business. When you involve children or non-consenting parties, that's another story.

I'd also not want my nephew watching porn. There's a time & place for everything, including porn. Don't expose it to kids. Don't bring it to the workplace or tell me about your sex life---I don't care & don't want to hear it. If you're going to have sex toys/porn/etc., keep that stuff under lock & key.

The first time I ever saw porn was w/a group of sorority sisters. I don't know about anyone else but a group of straight women watching your basic straight porn was an exercise in humor & critique. We're sitting there critiquing it, commenting on the girl's underwear & laughing at the absurdity of it while one of the girls who lived in that room was speaking to her very religious parents who were visiting Atlanta that weekend.

Honestly, I'm the person who will look for details & critique stuff if you want me to sit & watch a porn film.

I did see one w/a guy friend once b/c I'd had a horrible day (this guy who'd taken me out on Valentine's Day that year decided he didn't want to date me--his weirdness is for another post). I decided watching a cheesy porno might cheer me up since I'd also made the mistake of watching "Leaving Las Vegas" earlier in the day (the 2nd most depressing film of all time, next to "Midnight Cowboy" which I didn't see until years later).

NEVER watch porn w/a straight guy friend, especially a straight guy friend who wants to sleep w/you even a little bit. I learned that lesson; no, I didn't sleep w/him but he asked about it enough to annoy me. I don't think straight guys can watch them w/that critical eye, at least if it's not featuring a celebrity they can't stand.

My honey made me watch that Paris Hilton sex tape w/him. A few observations:

A) Paris Hilton's voice is annoying. I wanted to kill her after hearing her speak about twice in this thing.

B) I noticed the boyfriend didn't really look at her much. Maybe he was picturing someone else. If he'd been smart, he would have.

C) I learned more about her personal preferences than I cared to. Hubby also made the observation that people who don't like giving as much as receiving are the most selfish people on Earth. That's a life lesson. Take note, single folks.

D) She didn't seem all that into it at times. You just wanted housekeeping to bust in or something. It'd have been much funnier.

E) Finally, turn off your cell phone before you have sex. That ringing just messes things up. At least turn off the ringer lest some loved one gets rushed to the ER or drops dead & someone has to tell you about it.

I think I know what I'll use to torture guys who've done something awful to us...

Okay, as for porn actors & prostitutes: I can understand people doing it for the money since we all have to eat & not everyone's got a trust fund, but I don't entirely get the people who aren't doing it for survival. Personally, I'd only do it if I absolutely had to in order to survive but it's not my place to judge & this coming from the woman whose film company did a movie portraying a web cam girl as a human being.

I despise churchies* who preach against people doing it but offer no viable alternatives. They'll whine & moan about a relative or someone doing this but then won't help that relative find a decent paying job (saying "work at McDonalds" is NOT a solution; you're still being degraded but being paid less $), give them food or do anything other than sit in judgment like they are God.

The true Christians are the ones who may express disapproval but will at least make an effort to HELP the person instead of preaching fire & brimstone w/no solutions. I have less sympathy for those not doing it to feed their kids, pay school loans or pay basic expenses like food/rent/clothing/etc.

When you get down to it, I think most of us are human beings. If you can live with yourself, then you don't need to worry about what anyone else thinks. See this is one of those reasons I don't fit in a neat little box.

* my word, so credit me if you use it

Something I've Needed to Get Off My Chest

As I've said before, I don't care about politics. I'm an independent, which means I think both parties are full of crap in some measure. The Republicans deserve some credit for wanting to help businesses (at least if you're talking about small ones) & for their stances on gun rights, illegal immigration (Tom Tancredo, at least), tort reform in medical malpractice suits and not being overly PC. The Democrats, however, tend to be more in touch w/the average person if not being bought by special interest groups.

That being said, I would LOVE to see a candidate who doesn't put on the Christian saint, happy family act. If someone publicly said they were gay, cheating on their spouse, did a lot of drugs & other stuff people freak out about when they see it in the news, I'd have to vote for that candidate based on their honesty. I hate, HATE hypocrites & liars; that's also why I really don't care about politics. I could be in charge & things would STILL be corrupt b/c you can't get rid of everyone and start over. I think I'd love a candidate who publicly admitted to hating one of their kids.

I'd vote for an atheist in a second; at least ADMIT you aren't a religious person instead of going to some church while the press is watching & doing everything under the sun to violate that religion once you get into office.

Is letting people be abused by the National Guard in New Orleans after Katrina a "Christian act?" How about closing schools, laying off people who need jobs & keeping incompetents around? What about harassing teenagers & people who got abortions for reasons you don't know anything about? Letting in every illegal under the sun while allowing them to take jobs from your own citizens as well as harass them, violate laws the citizens HAVE TO obey & never deporting or punishing them for their misdeeds?

Way too many people don't live up to their faith & it ticks me off. Either be a 100% member of the faith or stop calling yourself one while violating its edicts on behavior. If you wonder why non-believers are hostile to believers, this is the reason. The good & true believers need to be schooling the fakes since those fakes are diminishing the faith/religion and painting those who DO follow the religion + the faith itself in a bad light.

I'd love to see more people speak out against hypocrisy in general but particularly where it exists in their own backyard. Honesty takes courage & an honest candidate would get my vote much quicker than someone doing things to try fitting my demographic.

Vegetarians Who Eat Meat???

Okay, let's just say that's not possible. It's like calling yourself straight when you've at least made out with someone of the same gender & you enjoyed it (to differ from playing a gay character or faking homosexuality to get out of a draft or give some hated relative a heart attack).

Or for that matter, saying you're bi when you are married to ONE person & NOT sleeping w/people of your gender on the side. Or for that matter, not having a same gender SO. That just means you're not picky when it comes to who you sleep with. No harm there: just stop calling yourself a "bisexual" when you're merely "non-discriminating." A true bisexual needs BOTH to be happy; many might call you slutty for that but "non-discriminating" is the best term I can come up w/for "I'm not picky."

Lois Griffin of "Family Guy" comes to mind here. Remember the episode when she was against Jasper getting married to his boyfriend in her home? Yet she talks about doing sexual stuff w/other women in multiple episodes, kissed Meg's lesbian friend & the show infers that she might be non-discriminating. I don't know about you but I found that hypocritical & if I knew someone doing that in real life, I'd totally call him/her out on it. That's what we call a "hypocrite" in my neck of the woods.