I know, I know. You're thinking "gangsta" and think people like Eminem or Ice-T or Dr. Dre or Tupac or other gangsta rappers who sold drugs, killed people, became pimps and other varied "gangsta" stuff. You're thinking "You'd want a guy like Eminem as an attorney?" If he were a criminal defense attorney & sober, yes you would.
The jailhouse lawyer, the guy (or woman) who's been incarcerated and has to learn about how to get himself out b/c (s)he can't afford his own attorney is probably the most bad ass & will put your Harvard Law grad to shame. That guy (or woman) knows about the real life implications of the criminal system, has seen the legal trickery played first hand AND fought a fight based on his/her personal interest. Your average sane attorney that I've encountered has some respect for the jailhouse lawyers since they had to learn the law without professors lecturing them through the Socratic Method. They had to self-teach; most of us can't even self study & pass the bar exam.
But let's go beyond criminal law. What skills do you need to be a good & powerful gangsta? You have to be ballsy, take risks, show respect for the leader/elder members/hierarchy in place, be somewhat blind to public opinion, know how to talk your way out of trouble and who you have to do favors for in order to keep yourself and your operations from being busted by the cops or getting shot up and such. You also don't start using your own stash or putting yourself in anything but a clear direction since you'd best be sharp at all times. Probably also helps you make sure you're not getting ripped off by a trusted associate or harmed while you're out of it; bad stuff always happens if you start taking the drugs you're selling or you get high and think it's a good idea to step out of line in whatever fashion.
Doesn't that sound an awful lot like the job of a litigation attorney, particularly a trial attorney? You have to show respect for the judge/court referee and court rules, not give a damn what anyone thinks of you as you present an argument for a client, finagle the law in the best way you can for that client and make the client happy so you don't get reported for ethics violations or sued or even murdered if your client doesn't like how you handled the case ("Cape Fear," anyone?).
As I see it, the only difference between a gangsta and an attorney is that the attorney knows the law & has a position of grudging respect with law enforcement. People think both have lots of money, I'd imagine there's a lot of stress in leading a criminal enterprise since you have to worry about people killing you or getting arrested. The stakes are a bit higher than they are for most attorneys (unless maybe you're Saul Goodman).
Most gangstas also didn't come from privilege or have silver spoons in their mouths at birth. They had to be smart and strategic to get where they were, did they not? They acted to survive. Someone who's got that sense of resourcefulness and pluck ought to be practicing law & advocating since they've been advocating for themselves and took a path lots of people wouldn't. Plus, they actually know what the struggle is like. If you didn't come from money & you were talking to someone who'd been like our well known gangsta rappers, you'd feel way more comfortable and like they understood your pain. It's a psychological fact that we are more comfortable with people who are more like us. The person who's not from money would be less likely to feel an attorney who also came from a poor background was going to patronize them vs. the attorney with a Gucci handbag and wearing some business suit worth as much as their yearly income. I think the former gangbanger or jailhouse lawyer is going to get a lot more information than the trust fund baby.
I was thinking "Now if you showed some of these really enterprising criminals prior to their life of crime that they could be applying their smarts & street savvy in a field where they'd have less direct threat of life and could still apply some of the gang lifestyle, how many might just become Saul Goodmans or very clever trial attorneys?" This is a special breed I'm talking about, the type who has business savvy & is merely there to make a buck vs. getting addicted to drugs, being a perma-lackey, or doing other stupid shit to detract from the business of dollars (whatever they do has a plan & a strategy behind it; it's not murder for murder's sake). These would be the people who look down on the lazy, short sighted types; I think ambitious people exist in all classes of society just like lazy fuckers exist in all classes of society. All races, all countries, I'm sure you will find the ambitious & business oriented types as well as the layabouts who wouldn't last a second running their own businesses.
Figuring out the difference is a skill but there's a difference & it is real. Sadly, gangs are probably more loyal to their members than many attorneys are to other attorneys. I was never in one so I can't say but I can tell you what I've seen and heard about the legal profession and what it's like to be a lawyer in it.
Sunday, April 17, 2016
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Per Diem Life
If you're a new attorney, everyone wants experience before you can get hired anyplace. How do you get experience? One way is to do per diem work.
Being a per diem, as I've told people, is like being a relief pitcher in baseball. You're the relief attorney for a proceeding when the firm or attorney who has the case can't appear for whatever reason (appearances in other places, life circumstances like being sick or going on vacation, maybe even taking the day off to get badly needed sex; I don't ask questions). You get the necessary information from the attorney you're appearing for, show up to the court/site of the deposition or other place you're going for a legal matter and do what the attorney is asking you to do. Before I started doing it, I was told "it's really simple." Parts of it actually are. A lot of doing courthouse stuff is paperwork (kind of like doing transactional work); actually the practice of law in general involves lots of paperwork, which is why you have to be a detail oriented little cuss if you want to become or continue being a lawyer.
You also do lots of waiting. Sometimes you get out very early (like before 11 a.m. or even 10:30). Other days, you'll be there closer to 1:30 p.m. or even have to come back after the 1 o'clock lunch break. Bringing a book to read & a fully charged phone helps. Or you can see about saving books in iBooks and reading them on your iPhone (assuming you have one).
You also, it seems, have to be more of an extrovert than most attorneys are. Some cases require you to call out case names to find your opposing counsel. In my experience, you're not told what the opposing attorney looks like. No one tells them what you look like. You have to find the guy with your code, exchange your information, do what you came there for (if the judge approves, of course) and then you go home not to handle that matter again. It gets even more interesting if both sides have per diem attorneys covering for a case.
I wonder how people did this stuff before cell phones; I prefer it when people write down their numbers so you can text them. It's extremely effective; I highly encourage people to do it. This way, you are covered if you're doing multiple appearances in different places (which it seems many attorneys who go to court are doing).
They also never give you a manual on how to do this stuff. You have to wing it, rely on the kindness of other attorneys in the courts who know where they're going/what they're doing or ask the court staff (the security people especially are awesome & the court officers are good resources since they'll also keep you safe from the occasional unruly type). I actually created my own instruction manuals for navigating places I've been to so I know for next time what room a particular proceeding will be in or what room a judge is in. Taking pictures of posted directories for your knowledge is also good.
Let me also say if you don't have one, get an attorney secure pass if you're going to do court appearances. You'll spare yourself all the waiting in the security line (and those get really long sometimes).
Overall, it's actually a job with advantages. You actually do legal work (unlike in document review). You don't get micromanaged on things (not in my experience at least & I HATE micromanagers with a passion). You're almost never in the same place twice so you get to travel around quite a bit, meaning you will know geography and the public transit system a lot better. You work for yourself & apparently, if you do it right you can make a good living at it. You also get to network with people, see the legal system in action (though it's a far cry from television shows) and find out that you're not nearly as incompetent as you might have thought you were at first blush. Those acting skills can also come in handy, particularly if you've had improv training.
Maybe if you are bold, you can meet cute guys & try hitting on them. A few have hit on me in the course of this work, which I always find weird since it's not like I'm in makeup or some fashion show piece like I would be if I were modeling. If I were in lingerie or a bikini or something, I'd expect some dude would try hitting on me; that's part of being in the show & the performance aspect. I'm not expecting it in the courthouse when I'm in business attire (yes, I managed to find stylish business attire that was also professional for court; professional doesn't have to = frumpy & I'm always happy to see other fashionistas in court).
I'm a little shocked no one has told attorneys to use courts as pickup scenes. Plenty of mothers and older women have told their kids and younger women around them to try picking up guys at church. My mother even suggested that to me; however, I find it sleazy & disrespectful if you actually believe in that faith. Also, how do you know that guy is even devout? He could be doing the same thing, using church as a place to pick up women without actually being a member of the faith.
The idea of having lustful thoughts about someone when you're in church or court just creeps me out. How could do your work if you're over here thinking about hot some fellow attorney is? I don't expect guys to not have hormones (just like I'm not going to say I don't have them) but nobody wants to feel like they're being evaluated as a sex object when they are someplace to engage in a legitimate job. At least I could tell you about classy, proper ways to pick up women in that setting and ways that are tacky, insulting and plain creepy.
I guess in some ways looks can be an advantage in legal work (outside of entertainment where looks help nearly everyone); this is what I've heard but not sure I've actually seen it in practice yet. Perhaps I will sometime.
Being a per diem, as I've told people, is like being a relief pitcher in baseball. You're the relief attorney for a proceeding when the firm or attorney who has the case can't appear for whatever reason (appearances in other places, life circumstances like being sick or going on vacation, maybe even taking the day off to get badly needed sex; I don't ask questions). You get the necessary information from the attorney you're appearing for, show up to the court/site of the deposition or other place you're going for a legal matter and do what the attorney is asking you to do. Before I started doing it, I was told "it's really simple." Parts of it actually are. A lot of doing courthouse stuff is paperwork (kind of like doing transactional work); actually the practice of law in general involves lots of paperwork, which is why you have to be a detail oriented little cuss if you want to become or continue being a lawyer.
You also do lots of waiting. Sometimes you get out very early (like before 11 a.m. or even 10:30). Other days, you'll be there closer to 1:30 p.m. or even have to come back after the 1 o'clock lunch break. Bringing a book to read & a fully charged phone helps. Or you can see about saving books in iBooks and reading them on your iPhone (assuming you have one).
You also, it seems, have to be more of an extrovert than most attorneys are. Some cases require you to call out case names to find your opposing counsel. In my experience, you're not told what the opposing attorney looks like. No one tells them what you look like. You have to find the guy with your code, exchange your information, do what you came there for (if the judge approves, of course) and then you go home not to handle that matter again. It gets even more interesting if both sides have per diem attorneys covering for a case.
I wonder how people did this stuff before cell phones; I prefer it when people write down their numbers so you can text them. It's extremely effective; I highly encourage people to do it. This way, you are covered if you're doing multiple appearances in different places (which it seems many attorneys who go to court are doing).
They also never give you a manual on how to do this stuff. You have to wing it, rely on the kindness of other attorneys in the courts who know where they're going/what they're doing or ask the court staff (the security people especially are awesome & the court officers are good resources since they'll also keep you safe from the occasional unruly type). I actually created my own instruction manuals for navigating places I've been to so I know for next time what room a particular proceeding will be in or what room a judge is in. Taking pictures of posted directories for your knowledge is also good.
Let me also say if you don't have one, get an attorney secure pass if you're going to do court appearances. You'll spare yourself all the waiting in the security line (and those get really long sometimes).
Overall, it's actually a job with advantages. You actually do legal work (unlike in document review). You don't get micromanaged on things (not in my experience at least & I HATE micromanagers with a passion). You're almost never in the same place twice so you get to travel around quite a bit, meaning you will know geography and the public transit system a lot better. You work for yourself & apparently, if you do it right you can make a good living at it. You also get to network with people, see the legal system in action (though it's a far cry from television shows) and find out that you're not nearly as incompetent as you might have thought you were at first blush. Those acting skills can also come in handy, particularly if you've had improv training.
Maybe if you are bold, you can meet cute guys & try hitting on them. A few have hit on me in the course of this work, which I always find weird since it's not like I'm in makeup or some fashion show piece like I would be if I were modeling. If I were in lingerie or a bikini or something, I'd expect some dude would try hitting on me; that's part of being in the show & the performance aspect. I'm not expecting it in the courthouse when I'm in business attire (yes, I managed to find stylish business attire that was also professional for court; professional doesn't have to = frumpy & I'm always happy to see other fashionistas in court).
I'm a little shocked no one has told attorneys to use courts as pickup scenes. Plenty of mothers and older women have told their kids and younger women around them to try picking up guys at church. My mother even suggested that to me; however, I find it sleazy & disrespectful if you actually believe in that faith. Also, how do you know that guy is even devout? He could be doing the same thing, using church as a place to pick up women without actually being a member of the faith.
The idea of having lustful thoughts about someone when you're in church or court just creeps me out. How could do your work if you're over here thinking about hot some fellow attorney is? I don't expect guys to not have hormones (just like I'm not going to say I don't have them) but nobody wants to feel like they're being evaluated as a sex object when they are someplace to engage in a legitimate job. At least I could tell you about classy, proper ways to pick up women in that setting and ways that are tacky, insulting and plain creepy.
I guess in some ways looks can be an advantage in legal work (outside of entertainment where looks help nearly everyone); this is what I've heard but not sure I've actually seen it in practice yet. Perhaps I will sometime.
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
The Surreal Adventures of The Angry Redheaded Lawyer: “Embodi(ed)” by Girl Be Heard: An Educational, Humorous and Unforgettable Glimpse Into the World of Eating Disorders
I actually came to this show on Saturday night from a very different perspective. I have been modeling for the past couple years, known as a “pretty” girl for a long time but only started believing it more recently and have been skinny forever. I grew up with my own body issues but none of them pertained to weight (unless you want to count a friend asking in high school if I was anorexic and random people giving me flack for being a picky eater and not choosing to put things on my plate I didn't like). I work in the entertainment industry & have done more networking in this world of fashion through my legal and creative pursuits though I haven't gotten to a level where one might label me as part of the problem.
Despite my perspective being different, I found this a very entertaining and insightful show with a powerful message worth listening to. The ladies in this piece are extremely talented and clearly you can see the work and effort put into this show. The choreography was impressive and on point, the acting and the telling of stories was pitch perfect and you could tell these performers cared. Some of the highlights of this show are the skit on diet pills and the drugs they contain (for the first time, someone actually tells you WHY diet pills are bad in a clear, digestible way instead of giving a general “they're unhealthy for you” explanation that you see on most sitcoms), the routine using measuring tape, and the skit incorporating the slogan of Cover Girl: easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl.
This show deserves serious praise for diversity in casting since mainstream media typically portrays eating disorders as a white, straight girl problem. There were black women as well as lesbians speaking here so this was a far fuller picture of the issue than you'd ever see in the average presentation or venue. It also didn't feel like the company was saying “we're being diverse with these inclusions” but were telling these stories organically and sincerely. That is what true diversity is about.
I also like that while this is a subject generally considered a downer & controversial, the company managed to present its message with humor, class, dignity and without taking away from the seriousness; they even ended this show on a more hopeful, happier note than you might have expected going in. In the talkback after the show, we learned that the company all wrote this show together and oftentimes the woman who did the monologue actually wrote it herself.
Having dealt with people skinny shaming me and others I know, I think it's worth mentioning that while this show is quite direct and graphic when it comes to confronting the media's image of the “perfect” girl and what we should aspire to be as women it never said that being a model or fitting that ideal is a bad thing if you look that way naturally. I did not see a single shred of skinny hatred or the proclamation of “real women” being used to bash women like myself who did nothing to get where they are and have no reason to start conflict with others for not being thin.
Girl Be Heard will be performing this show on Saturday, February 20th at 2 and 7 pm. If you'd like to find out more about Girl Be Heard or get involved in their endeavors on eating disorders or other subjects, you can contact them at girlbeheard@girlbeheard.org
They also can be found on Facebook, Twitter, You Tube and Instagram (GirlBeHeard).
Despite my perspective being different, I found this a very entertaining and insightful show with a powerful message worth listening to. The ladies in this piece are extremely talented and clearly you can see the work and effort put into this show. The choreography was impressive and on point, the acting and the telling of stories was pitch perfect and you could tell these performers cared. Some of the highlights of this show are the skit on diet pills and the drugs they contain (for the first time, someone actually tells you WHY diet pills are bad in a clear, digestible way instead of giving a general “they're unhealthy for you” explanation that you see on most sitcoms), the routine using measuring tape, and the skit incorporating the slogan of Cover Girl: easy, breezy, beautiful Cover Girl.
This show deserves serious praise for diversity in casting since mainstream media typically portrays eating disorders as a white, straight girl problem. There were black women as well as lesbians speaking here so this was a far fuller picture of the issue than you'd ever see in the average presentation or venue. It also didn't feel like the company was saying “we're being diverse with these inclusions” but were telling these stories organically and sincerely. That is what true diversity is about.
I also like that while this is a subject generally considered a downer & controversial, the company managed to present its message with humor, class, dignity and without taking away from the seriousness; they even ended this show on a more hopeful, happier note than you might have expected going in. In the talkback after the show, we learned that the company all wrote this show together and oftentimes the woman who did the monologue actually wrote it herself.
Having dealt with people skinny shaming me and others I know, I think it's worth mentioning that while this show is quite direct and graphic when it comes to confronting the media's image of the “perfect” girl and what we should aspire to be as women it never said that being a model or fitting that ideal is a bad thing if you look that way naturally. I did not see a single shred of skinny hatred or the proclamation of “real women” being used to bash women like myself who did nothing to get where they are and have no reason to start conflict with others for not being thin.
Girl Be Heard will be performing this show on Saturday, February 20th at 2 and 7 pm. If you'd like to find out more about Girl Be Heard or get involved in their endeavors on eating disorders or other subjects, you can contact them at girlbeheard@girlbeheard.org
They also can be found on Facebook, Twitter, You Tube and Instagram (GirlBeHeard).
Monday, February 15, 2016
Another "Am I Getting Old" Query; Guys Skipping Drinks & Telling Girls to "Come Over" Sight Unseen
So being divorced & looking like me, you can imagine I get asked out a lot. Now having been out of the market for a while it's certainly possible trends pass you by and the rules change. Think of your typical movie or sitcom when someone's just gotten out of a long term relationship (dead spouse, divorce, whatever) and someone more "hip" to the dating scene advises the newly single character about it.
One of the biggest things I've seen & rules instilled into me concerning online dating or interactions online in general is "Never meet a potential date for the first time in their home." Countless stories abound about women in particular going to meet someone after responding to a job ad or a personals ad or talking to someone on an online dating site and ended up being kidnapped, raped, sold into prostitution, murdered or whatever bad thing you can imagine. E!, 20-20 and plenty of media outlets have covered stories on these things for a good 20 years or so.
With the constant drumbeat of "strangers are scary" and "don't be off by yourself with total strangers," I'm puzzled by guys who tell women to "come over" when they've been corresponding with them online and want to meet them. Hello, you forgot something. What about "getting drinks" in a public setting? "Grabbing dinner?" "Getting coffee?" SOMETHING??!?!?!
Men pulling this shit, let me tell you how that sounds to women. Women (at least those with half a brain) hear: "I think you're a booty call or a sex toy I can pull out at will, not a human being with feelings or a life. I will never take you out in the light of day because you aren't worth it."
Do you know what type of women come to your house sight unseen to fuck you? Call girls!!! There's a business around that practice. Essentially another form of prostitution. Call girls cost money. They aren't running a charity operation.
Smart, higher class call girls (the category an educated woman would fall into if she were doing it as a profession) don't show up to your doorstep without being vetted. They usually have agencies to verify the guy is not a cop, serial killer and so forth.
Call girls & prostitutes also have pimps to protect them from men who lure them into gang rape situations, kidnappings, physical assault, etc. Women who don't charge you money for that don't have pimps.
Now if you want to be a call girl & it's not illegal where you are, go right ahead. Otherwise, you're playing with fire & you could end up in jail. We'll save the legal debates & morality of safety or not for another day.
Here's why asking women you talk to on dating sites about that is a bad idea:
1. Sane women with some self-esteem will think you are labeling them as call girls or hookers. They will find it offensive. Women from certain backgrounds will definitely not talk to you. You want a nice, Christian girl you can take home to Mama? She's not going to pop up at your house with no date or public meeting beforehand. She'll be done with you the minute you ask her to "come over." I'm sure Jewish, Muslim, Catholic and girls from other religious backgrounds would concur.
2. How do you know the women you're talking to are who they say they are? You can lie very easily online. For all you know, that hot blonde could be a 60 year old sweaty, fat guy who just got out of jail & has a real craving for young, hard bodied dick.
You could also end up with some ugly fat woman who could be Hillary Clinton's twin. That'll really turn you on, won't it?
Or she could be a 15 year old crack whore. Or she could be another Alieen Wuornos (look her up if you don't know who she is) or a wild dick chopper. You ever hear about the Craig's List Killer? People can hide shit very easily through e-mail and text and dating sites.
3. You've set the tone for future interactions. It's not "I'll take you out and treat you as a lady." Most women don't want to be a booty call or a sex toy, no matter what they tell you. They want you to show them respect and do nice stuff for them with a pure heart, not a selfish quid pro quo intent.
4. Women will assume you have no sisters, mothers, aunts, cousins, nieces, or female friends & if you do, you don't give a damn about them. If your sister met a guy & he told her to "come over," would you be okay with that?
Would you be okay with your female friends or your mother serving as the sex delivery girl to some strange guy? A trillion dollars says you'd be infuriated at the guy asking some female you cared about such a thing. I have my own male friends & I'm sure if I told them some guy asked me that, they'd not like you very much either.
Then why is it okay for you to ask some random woman that if you'd not like that being asked of YOUR female loved ones?
5. The world isn't Tinder. Some people don't use Tinder b/c they aren't looking for "wham bam thank you ma'am" to never hear from that guy again. Personally, if I had a good time with a guy I'd want to do it again. I find the one night stand stuff offensive since that's insulting my sexual technique & telling me I'm not that good in bed. I've been told I think like a guy so if I'm saying this, imagine how your average woman feels about it.
I've heard guys actually debate women on caring about their personal safety, including professional types. I think it would serve them right to invite a chick over & she chops their heads off with a machete. Bet you'd not be insulting strange women again once your buddy had his head chopped off with a sword like in Highlander. You'd definitely think twice if a recently released convict showed up on your doorstep instead of some blonde model you expected.
As I understand the world of dating, you set up a first meeting in a public place for dinner/drinks/coffee/whatever you want. You meet in person, make sure who you're talking to is who shows up, verify no one is a criminal, have conversation, see what sort of vibes you get, maybe engage in some physical contact like kissing THEN decide if you're going back to anyone's place. THEN maybe you'll have sex.
I find the above reasonable. You're in a neutral zone. Everyone concerned is making an informed decision and engaging in any future sexual acts on their own consent (presuming no one was drugged & everyone's still sober or at least not blackout drunk). I don't drink so I'd be making that choice sober and with my full mental faculties. There's an option to leave, say "I'm not interested" and go on your merry way.
If you go to some guy's house, he could try trapping you unless you give him what he wants. Women have gotten raped that way. Who saw you there? If something happened to you, who's going to say they saw you, heard you, how long you were there, etc. Maybe a neighbor or if you're lucky, there's a doorman. Lots of buildings don't have them. No sign in sheets, no security, nothing.
In a restaurant or a bar or lounge, there are employees and patrons who'll likely see things, tell the police if it looked like you were being coerced, maybe security cam footage to show if people were in their right minds when they left, etc. They are less likely to fear retribution from some random bar customer vs. the neighbor or security people having to fear reprisal from someone who might be the head of the co-op board or will make their lives hell in some way that they can't just ban or get away from easily.
So do you want women to think you're a rapist, a cheapskate, a sexist, a man who insults their intelligence (which I particularly hate), a sexist or a creepy pervert? None of those are a good look.
Ladies, if you are engaging in hookups by never having a first meeting in public & being a sex delivery girl you are doing it wrong unless you are collecting call girl money and getting call girl vetting done for you complete with a call girl pimp for protection.
You are also fucking it up for all the "nice" girls and the women who might consider these dudes if these dudes didn't have unrealistic expectations of actual women. When these jerkbags get onto sites that aren't Tinder, you're really messing things up for those daters. Not everyone wants to be on Tinder or deal with that scene.
I also wonder if they're fucking things up for certain demographics of call girls. Don't they have enough shit to deal with already? Must you also put them out of business?
Oddly enough, I have a review coming up & this subject somewhat relates to it.
One of the biggest things I've seen & rules instilled into me concerning online dating or interactions online in general is "Never meet a potential date for the first time in their home." Countless stories abound about women in particular going to meet someone after responding to a job ad or a personals ad or talking to someone on an online dating site and ended up being kidnapped, raped, sold into prostitution, murdered or whatever bad thing you can imagine. E!, 20-20 and plenty of media outlets have covered stories on these things for a good 20 years or so.
With the constant drumbeat of "strangers are scary" and "don't be off by yourself with total strangers," I'm puzzled by guys who tell women to "come over" when they've been corresponding with them online and want to meet them. Hello, you forgot something. What about "getting drinks" in a public setting? "Grabbing dinner?" "Getting coffee?" SOMETHING??!?!?!
Men pulling this shit, let me tell you how that sounds to women. Women (at least those with half a brain) hear: "I think you're a booty call or a sex toy I can pull out at will, not a human being with feelings or a life. I will never take you out in the light of day because you aren't worth it."
Do you know what type of women come to your house sight unseen to fuck you? Call girls!!! There's a business around that practice. Essentially another form of prostitution. Call girls cost money. They aren't running a charity operation.
Smart, higher class call girls (the category an educated woman would fall into if she were doing it as a profession) don't show up to your doorstep without being vetted. They usually have agencies to verify the guy is not a cop, serial killer and so forth.
Call girls & prostitutes also have pimps to protect them from men who lure them into gang rape situations, kidnappings, physical assault, etc. Women who don't charge you money for that don't have pimps.
Now if you want to be a call girl & it's not illegal where you are, go right ahead. Otherwise, you're playing with fire & you could end up in jail. We'll save the legal debates & morality of safety or not for another day.
Here's why asking women you talk to on dating sites about that is a bad idea:
1. Sane women with some self-esteem will think you are labeling them as call girls or hookers. They will find it offensive. Women from certain backgrounds will definitely not talk to you. You want a nice, Christian girl you can take home to Mama? She's not going to pop up at your house with no date or public meeting beforehand. She'll be done with you the minute you ask her to "come over." I'm sure Jewish, Muslim, Catholic and girls from other religious backgrounds would concur.
2. How do you know the women you're talking to are who they say they are? You can lie very easily online. For all you know, that hot blonde could be a 60 year old sweaty, fat guy who just got out of jail & has a real craving for young, hard bodied dick.
You could also end up with some ugly fat woman who could be Hillary Clinton's twin. That'll really turn you on, won't it?
Or she could be a 15 year old crack whore. Or she could be another Alieen Wuornos (look her up if you don't know who she is) or a wild dick chopper. You ever hear about the Craig's List Killer? People can hide shit very easily through e-mail and text and dating sites.
3. You've set the tone for future interactions. It's not "I'll take you out and treat you as a lady." Most women don't want to be a booty call or a sex toy, no matter what they tell you. They want you to show them respect and do nice stuff for them with a pure heart, not a selfish quid pro quo intent.
4. Women will assume you have no sisters, mothers, aunts, cousins, nieces, or female friends & if you do, you don't give a damn about them. If your sister met a guy & he told her to "come over," would you be okay with that?
Would you be okay with your female friends or your mother serving as the sex delivery girl to some strange guy? A trillion dollars says you'd be infuriated at the guy asking some female you cared about such a thing. I have my own male friends & I'm sure if I told them some guy asked me that, they'd not like you very much either.
Then why is it okay for you to ask some random woman that if you'd not like that being asked of YOUR female loved ones?
5. The world isn't Tinder. Some people don't use Tinder b/c they aren't looking for "wham bam thank you ma'am" to never hear from that guy again. Personally, if I had a good time with a guy I'd want to do it again. I find the one night stand stuff offensive since that's insulting my sexual technique & telling me I'm not that good in bed. I've been told I think like a guy so if I'm saying this, imagine how your average woman feels about it.
I've heard guys actually debate women on caring about their personal safety, including professional types. I think it would serve them right to invite a chick over & she chops their heads off with a machete. Bet you'd not be insulting strange women again once your buddy had his head chopped off with a sword like in Highlander. You'd definitely think twice if a recently released convict showed up on your doorstep instead of some blonde model you expected.
As I understand the world of dating, you set up a first meeting in a public place for dinner/drinks/coffee/whatever you want. You meet in person, make sure who you're talking to is who shows up, verify no one is a criminal, have conversation, see what sort of vibes you get, maybe engage in some physical contact like kissing THEN decide if you're going back to anyone's place. THEN maybe you'll have sex.
I find the above reasonable. You're in a neutral zone. Everyone concerned is making an informed decision and engaging in any future sexual acts on their own consent (presuming no one was drugged & everyone's still sober or at least not blackout drunk). I don't drink so I'd be making that choice sober and with my full mental faculties. There's an option to leave, say "I'm not interested" and go on your merry way.
If you go to some guy's house, he could try trapping you unless you give him what he wants. Women have gotten raped that way. Who saw you there? If something happened to you, who's going to say they saw you, heard you, how long you were there, etc. Maybe a neighbor or if you're lucky, there's a doorman. Lots of buildings don't have them. No sign in sheets, no security, nothing.
In a restaurant or a bar or lounge, there are employees and patrons who'll likely see things, tell the police if it looked like you were being coerced, maybe security cam footage to show if people were in their right minds when they left, etc. They are less likely to fear retribution from some random bar customer vs. the neighbor or security people having to fear reprisal from someone who might be the head of the co-op board or will make their lives hell in some way that they can't just ban or get away from easily.
So do you want women to think you're a rapist, a cheapskate, a sexist, a man who insults their intelligence (which I particularly hate), a sexist or a creepy pervert? None of those are a good look.
Ladies, if you are engaging in hookups by never having a first meeting in public & being a sex delivery girl you are doing it wrong unless you are collecting call girl money and getting call girl vetting done for you complete with a call girl pimp for protection.
You are also fucking it up for all the "nice" girls and the women who might consider these dudes if these dudes didn't have unrealistic expectations of actual women. When these jerkbags get onto sites that aren't Tinder, you're really messing things up for those daters. Not everyone wants to be on Tinder or deal with that scene.
I also wonder if they're fucking things up for certain demographics of call girls. Don't they have enough shit to deal with already? Must you also put them out of business?
Oddly enough, I have a review coming up & this subject somewhat relates to it.
Why Politics Suck in a Very Short Entry (At Least for Me)
I recently went to a program called "How to Get on the Ballot in NYC" that was one of the rare free programs at the NYC Bar Association. There were people involved with the whole Board of Elections process and how you get yourself on the ballot for anything. My takeaway from it was the precise answers why politics suck & you see a lot of lawyers involved in it. Here goes:
1. The petition process involves not regular attention to detail but an exacting standard just about everyone outside the legal profession would be hopelessly inept at trying to figure out if they didn't already know how to do it or have some political guru on their team already.
2. So this means you need friends in law & politics; your average poor person or lower middle class type shuns those in law with such knowledge (mostly attorneys) as elitist assholes. I wouldn't know with certainty how they view politicians and those working in that area but I'd imagine their views of those people aren't much better. Shunning people will not inspire them to help you.
3. You need trustworthy friends if you're going to run for office. I don't think most people have that. If they do, eventually their charity will come to an end & they will be haphazard even if they are those detail oriented types I mentioned above.
4. MONEY, the biggest problem of them all. You need money to run for public office, maybe pay a campaign staff, advertise, etc.
To get money, you either have to be rich already OR you have to suck up to one of the establishment parties. That requires you becoming their slave once you're in office & being beholden to them to pass legislation that's going to help them, not your constituents.
Add all this together & you get a bunch of representatives who are completely out of touch with the average poor & middle class person. Since statistically speaking, minorities are less likely to be rich, educated and have lawyer/political friends you also get fewer people who know about the experience of minorities and have real qualification to actually help them.
Laws get passed affecting the poor & middle classes that these morons know zip about or perfectly well know about but are slaves to their big money donors (remember, you've got to pay back those campaign contributors somehow).
The ones who know zip about those experiences refuse to educate themselves on the experiences of rape victims, people of color, recipients of public assistance, just about anything they've never lived and will likely never actually experience in their lifetimes. They, as many attorneys, are just too fucking arrogant to say "I need help here. I don't know how to do this/I don't have sufficient information to decide on this. Will you enlighten me?"
Big law firms, where many of these attorneys spring from, don't encourage attorneys to ask for help & even threaten their jobs if they show any hint of weakness or lack of knowledge on something. They aren't okay with you asking for help; they expect you to be an expert on everything even if you're just faking it.
5. So that ties into arrogance, bred from the experience of being an attorney with any financial means to get into public office.
Then, there's 6. Loss of privacy is mandatory to go into public office. This requires a person to be a full on narcissist in order to do the job rather than have any concern for the public trust or helping people vs. donors and the establishment.
Now I've told you why politics sucks. How do we fix it? You tell me. These are the reasons I'm pulling for either Trump or Sanders. They defy this formula in different ways, particularly in not being beholden to big money donors.
1. The petition process involves not regular attention to detail but an exacting standard just about everyone outside the legal profession would be hopelessly inept at trying to figure out if they didn't already know how to do it or have some political guru on their team already.
2. So this means you need friends in law & politics; your average poor person or lower middle class type shuns those in law with such knowledge (mostly attorneys) as elitist assholes. I wouldn't know with certainty how they view politicians and those working in that area but I'd imagine their views of those people aren't much better. Shunning people will not inspire them to help you.
3. You need trustworthy friends if you're going to run for office. I don't think most people have that. If they do, eventually their charity will come to an end & they will be haphazard even if they are those detail oriented types I mentioned above.
4. MONEY, the biggest problem of them all. You need money to run for public office, maybe pay a campaign staff, advertise, etc.
To get money, you either have to be rich already OR you have to suck up to one of the establishment parties. That requires you becoming their slave once you're in office & being beholden to them to pass legislation that's going to help them, not your constituents.
Add all this together & you get a bunch of representatives who are completely out of touch with the average poor & middle class person. Since statistically speaking, minorities are less likely to be rich, educated and have lawyer/political friends you also get fewer people who know about the experience of minorities and have real qualification to actually help them.
Laws get passed affecting the poor & middle classes that these morons know zip about or perfectly well know about but are slaves to their big money donors (remember, you've got to pay back those campaign contributors somehow).
The ones who know zip about those experiences refuse to educate themselves on the experiences of rape victims, people of color, recipients of public assistance, just about anything they've never lived and will likely never actually experience in their lifetimes. They, as many attorneys, are just too fucking arrogant to say "I need help here. I don't know how to do this/I don't have sufficient information to decide on this. Will you enlighten me?"
Big law firms, where many of these attorneys spring from, don't encourage attorneys to ask for help & even threaten their jobs if they show any hint of weakness or lack of knowledge on something. They aren't okay with you asking for help; they expect you to be an expert on everything even if you're just faking it.
5. So that ties into arrogance, bred from the experience of being an attorney with any financial means to get into public office.
Then, there's 6. Loss of privacy is mandatory to go into public office. This requires a person to be a full on narcissist in order to do the job rather than have any concern for the public trust or helping people vs. donors and the establishment.
Now I've told you why politics sucks. How do we fix it? You tell me. These are the reasons I'm pulling for either Trump or Sanders. They defy this formula in different ways, particularly in not being beholden to big money donors.
Friday, January 29, 2016
The Oscars "Controversy" & Dating Preferences
So by now everyone's heard about the #OscarsSoWhite controversy & Jada Pinkett Smith's involvement there. I'm not going to post links to the story because there would be way too many and you'd entirely miss my point. For those living under a rock, the basic "controversy" is that there are no black actor or actress nominees for Oscars this year nor were there any last year. Apparently, Will Smith was in a movie this year & didn't get a nomination so Jada Pinkett Smith (his wife) decides to throw a hissy fit to the media and call for a boycott b/c of it, claiming that there's no "diversity" in Hollywood.
Here are my thoughts:
1. Yes, there's a big, massive problem with diversity in mainstream Hollywood that is ridiculous in 2016. However, that's not just a black problem. That's a woman problem, a gay problem, a natural redhead problem, an Asian problem, a Latino problem, a Native American problem & just about any other minority group you can name.
Yet I don't hear Ms. Pinkett Smith saying a word about them, not even women & the sexism they have to endure (which is still true today as verified by someone I met recently who works in that side of the industry & has for a long time). Surely she's lived sexism alongside racism.
I sort of live for discussion on racism since I grew up in NC, am more minority than almost everyone else (unless they also have naturally red hair & don't have pale skin; they should get more latitude than nearly all of us since they've surely dealt with far more harassment and conflict than anyone else) & have directly cited things going on today that black people aren't dealing with and that haven't gotten the massive outcry that would have resulted if directed toward black people.
For instance, natural redheads get branded as "ugly." One actress told me that years back The Millionaire Matchmaker said this of natural redheads & how we should be lucky to get any guy to go out with us. I also heard something recently about some media story calling us "ugly." There was also "Kick a Ginger Day" in this century. Nary a peep of outrage on either issue. If that happened to black people today, how loud do you think the backlash would be? I made these points to some more "we're being oppressed" types in general comment boards on various topics.
Most of my friends growing up were black or part of some other minority group since they were the people who were nice to me & made me feel welcome as a quiet, shy kid while many of the white kids bullied me & sure didn't view me as one of them. I think it's an understanding of knowing what it's like to be different & getting commentary of some sort about it. I had some great debates with people in college on the subject, which became a huge issue since my school had far more racism than I expected when I accepted admission there. I'm most certainly not a "there's no racism anymore" type but I also know a thing or two about demanding equality vs. demanding special privileges.
Why is there no word about all these other groups? Is it just black people who deserve special treatment? I think millions would disagree & be appalled at that notion. Nobody likes to get stepped on for someone else to get special treatment but any decent person thinks everyone deserves a fair, equal chance at opportunity. I think equality can be achieved without stomping on people to get there just like you can be gorgeous & get a hot guy without murdering all the hot girls in your city or messing with their lives.
2. Independent film has had "diversity" since its existence. In fact, the reason independent film exists in the first place is because talented filmmakers, actors, and so forth felt they didn't have a voice or a place and said "Fuck you, Hollywood & your studio system! We'll do our own projects." If you bother to see independent films, you will find lots of stories presenting new ideas, environments, relationship structures, even (gasp!) diverse casting.
Furthermore, you'll find projects where race isn't an issue at all. It's never discussed. I can cite one of my own company's films as an example: Cookies & Cream. Go check out the website. Go see the movie. I have. You'll notice this movie does not talk about people's racial backgrounds or make that the focal point of the film. In that world, people simply exist. The main character's parents are a mixed race couple; all you see in those interactions are two people who are married & love their daughter as well as one another. No one is making a thing of "I'm this race."
THAT is diversity, darlings. That is an example of the diversity Hollywood and mainstream society should be striving for. Where a minority of any type is present and not being a stereotype or a militant. They are just present; no big deal. NYC is like this in many corners in real life. Why aren't we seeing that in film?
You'll see that in indie film. They aren't even the only example of this "diversity" but you'll have to see the movie yourself.
It seems Spike Lee is also boycotting. The difference b/t Spike Lee & Jada Pinkett Smith is Spike Lee has been discussing race and racism for decades. He's been doing diverse projects of his own for a long time. Our company likes him; he even gave us a Twitter shoutout once. Spike Lee also strikes me a man with principles who'd not just throw a hissy fit b/c his significant other didn't get nominated for an award. He's been looking at indie film & putting his money where his mouth is. He's tried being the change he'd like to see.
Where's Jada Pinkett Smith's contribution? Whose films has she funded? Why they hell isn't she investing in MY company's projects or in some other filmmaker or indie film company that's not nationally known in order to get the projects she'd like to see? Maybe if she'd open her pocketbook instead of pitching little hissy fits, the film she financed might end up being eligible for Oscar nominations. Perhaps she could even star in some indie film project & ensure that it gets eligible for consideration for the Oscars so she could herself get nominated.
Halle Berry personally financed Introducing Dorothy Dandridge b/c she said she felt that story should be told & believed in it that much. Jada Pinkett Smith is not in the poor house from what I know. She's not living with parents or roommates in a small apartment or dealing with roaches or menial jobs like a lot of unknowns do & still manage to create despite those struggles.
Sorry, but you don't get to bitch about lack of diversity when you aren't doing anything yourself to change or solve that problem when you damn well could. If she were doing what Spike Lee has been doing over decades, I could give her credit. If she were out scouting for unknown black filmmakers or producers or companies with a major black ownership/voice, that would be different. People would take her far more seriously. I think sane people do take Spike Lee seriously on this subject since as I said, he strikes me as a man of principle.
All these other people wanting to join this boycott who aren't putting their millions into indie film projects or creating the works they want to see, same goes for you. Where's YOUR contribution to increasing diversity for anyone? Until you've made one (and not giving money to someone like Tyler Perry but an unknown who creates truly diverse material, not necessarily my company), you need to keep your mouth shut.
It's the same thing as complaining about where you are in life while doing zero to improve yourself. Not getting an education, not making friends, not networking with people who have been down the path you're trying to go, not researching where you want to live, etc. My ex-husband was just like that in complaining about his job; he never appreciated the fact that he was pretty much layoff proof & most people didn't have that job security. Nor did he bother to network with people doing the job he wanted to do or even have a clue what it was that he wanted to do (except maybe leech off me).
Plus with me, talk is cheap. Action counts with me. In fact, action counts a lot for me.
I actually thought of an episode of A Different World & a scene with Jada Pinkett Smith's character, Lena James. For those of you who never saw A Different World, it was genius at times. Their episode on a confrontation with white students from a rival sports team was brilliant & it didn't end with the black characters being 100% right. Lena was a very pro-black, somewhat militant character who was very much a "damn the man" type.
In the episode I thought of, all the students are coming back and Freddie now looks more professional vs. her hippy child look that she'd had for the bulk of the show. Lena calls her a sellout. Freddie tells her that she's adopting a professional look b/c she's in law school & trying to infiltrate the system so it can be fixed from within. That way, when Lena "finally decides to start walking some of this talk" it will be Freddie keeping Lena out of jail. Basically, Freddie called Lena out on her comment.
It felt like art was imitating real life with this whole controversy.
3. Please refrain from using slavery as a justification for reform. Use police brutality, the neglect causing the lead water in Flint, voting laws, segregation if you're old enough to have lived it, redlining, things you personally have lived and suffered discrimination from.
Address your gripe at the 1% if you want to complain about slavery since those people's ancestors were most likely slaveowners. I can assure you my family didn't since they've been poor forever. My mom said our ancestors were probably working those same fields alongside the slaves. I do know we had ancestors who dodged the draft for the Civil War so I don't think they were exactly pro-slavery or states rights or holding up the Confederacy. If there were any KKK members in my family, we never talked to them or associated with them. Plenty of people will join you if you want to stick it to the 1%; if you want to stick it to abusive cops and law enforcement & address police brutality as an issue for all poor people (my own father was falsely arrested & went though a nasty ordeal with the police shortly after my sister's first husband died that I felt was exploitation of a grieving family), you will get allies there as well. If you want to address poverty & class issues as a global issue (as in all races, not just one), again you'll get a lot of allies.
I know I don't listen to people who whine about things they never lived & find it disrespectful to do that. Slavery has also been illegal for quite sometime. You're not finding opportunity; hey, other poor people in general have the same problems. I know black people who are professionals in their fields so very much possible to advance in life if you really have motivation to do it. That's something you have to have for yourself, not expect others to give you.
So in the midst of all this, I think about the dating world. Most people don't give you attitude or call you a racist, fat shamer, xenophobe, etc. if you say "I don't date XYZ group." At least I've found this true in conversations with people individually. You're not expected to manufacture attraction for a group you're not interested in.
But in this PC obsessed world, I wonder how far we are from people saying "I don't want to date fat people" and getting crucified as fat shamers or women saying "I don't want to date a Muslim" and getting branded as bigoted or saying "I don't want to date black people" and getting called a racist.
Though I'd think some people who want to date their own race or religion would thank you for not trying to go after their dating pool. I saw Waiting to Exhale (a great film that I think all women can relate to, not just black women) & one character who is going through a divorce finds her husband is cheating and is more indignant that it's with his white secretary. She's extremely focused on his leaving her for this white woman & views his cheating with a white woman as even worse. Personally, I will never be that white woman since I like + respect my black female friends & my romantic interests lie elsewhere. While most of the white boys were calling me "ugly" and being mean to me, some of the black boys (along with black girls) in my classes showed me friendship and basic human respect.
If you're a guy, you're better off being my friend if you want to be in my life for an appreciable period of time. My relationships usually end with "you are dead to me" (though I've never actually said that to an ex; it's more figurative).
If you're not a redhead, you can date all the redhaired guys you want & will never upset me. I'm not attracted to them either since I don't want to date someone everybody thinks is my brother. Plus, I know I'd have to check and make sure that guy wasn't related to me since my family isn't all that close & we have relatives all over the place we don't talk to and have never met.
I feel like if you're a woman and you say stuff like "I won't date a XYZ guy," you'll get some guy who brands you a racist or a xenophobe despite realities about the person's cultural background or your own personal preferences. I, like hopefully the rest of the civilized world, think there's a difference between who you do business with or who you'll be friends with or who you'll be polite to on the subway vs. who you'll commingle sex organs with. One must wonder if the PC police is trying to dictate who people commingle their sex organs with (or kiss/have foreplay/coitus with, if you prefer). When you think about it that way, they're just as bad as the God botherers don't you think? They also want to control your bedroom. Don't ever allow that if you're an adult & there's consent among the participants.
And now it's time for some (hopefully) yummy leftovers.
Here are my thoughts:
1. Yes, there's a big, massive problem with diversity in mainstream Hollywood that is ridiculous in 2016. However, that's not just a black problem. That's a woman problem, a gay problem, a natural redhead problem, an Asian problem, a Latino problem, a Native American problem & just about any other minority group you can name.
Yet I don't hear Ms. Pinkett Smith saying a word about them, not even women & the sexism they have to endure (which is still true today as verified by someone I met recently who works in that side of the industry & has for a long time). Surely she's lived sexism alongside racism.
I sort of live for discussion on racism since I grew up in NC, am more minority than almost everyone else (unless they also have naturally red hair & don't have pale skin; they should get more latitude than nearly all of us since they've surely dealt with far more harassment and conflict than anyone else) & have directly cited things going on today that black people aren't dealing with and that haven't gotten the massive outcry that would have resulted if directed toward black people.
For instance, natural redheads get branded as "ugly." One actress told me that years back The Millionaire Matchmaker said this of natural redheads & how we should be lucky to get any guy to go out with us. I also heard something recently about some media story calling us "ugly." There was also "Kick a Ginger Day" in this century. Nary a peep of outrage on either issue. If that happened to black people today, how loud do you think the backlash would be? I made these points to some more "we're being oppressed" types in general comment boards on various topics.
Most of my friends growing up were black or part of some other minority group since they were the people who were nice to me & made me feel welcome as a quiet, shy kid while many of the white kids bullied me & sure didn't view me as one of them. I think it's an understanding of knowing what it's like to be different & getting commentary of some sort about it. I had some great debates with people in college on the subject, which became a huge issue since my school had far more racism than I expected when I accepted admission there. I'm most certainly not a "there's no racism anymore" type but I also know a thing or two about demanding equality vs. demanding special privileges.
Why is there no word about all these other groups? Is it just black people who deserve special treatment? I think millions would disagree & be appalled at that notion. Nobody likes to get stepped on for someone else to get special treatment but any decent person thinks everyone deserves a fair, equal chance at opportunity. I think equality can be achieved without stomping on people to get there just like you can be gorgeous & get a hot guy without murdering all the hot girls in your city or messing with their lives.
2. Independent film has had "diversity" since its existence. In fact, the reason independent film exists in the first place is because talented filmmakers, actors, and so forth felt they didn't have a voice or a place and said "Fuck you, Hollywood & your studio system! We'll do our own projects." If you bother to see independent films, you will find lots of stories presenting new ideas, environments, relationship structures, even (gasp!) diverse casting.
Furthermore, you'll find projects where race isn't an issue at all. It's never discussed. I can cite one of my own company's films as an example: Cookies & Cream. Go check out the website. Go see the movie. I have. You'll notice this movie does not talk about people's racial backgrounds or make that the focal point of the film. In that world, people simply exist. The main character's parents are a mixed race couple; all you see in those interactions are two people who are married & love their daughter as well as one another. No one is making a thing of "I'm this race."
THAT is diversity, darlings. That is an example of the diversity Hollywood and mainstream society should be striving for. Where a minority of any type is present and not being a stereotype or a militant. They are just present; no big deal. NYC is like this in many corners in real life. Why aren't we seeing that in film?
You'll see that in indie film. They aren't even the only example of this "diversity" but you'll have to see the movie yourself.
It seems Spike Lee is also boycotting. The difference b/t Spike Lee & Jada Pinkett Smith is Spike Lee has been discussing race and racism for decades. He's been doing diverse projects of his own for a long time. Our company likes him; he even gave us a Twitter shoutout once. Spike Lee also strikes me a man with principles who'd not just throw a hissy fit b/c his significant other didn't get nominated for an award. He's been looking at indie film & putting his money where his mouth is. He's tried being the change he'd like to see.
Where's Jada Pinkett Smith's contribution? Whose films has she funded? Why they hell isn't she investing in MY company's projects or in some other filmmaker or indie film company that's not nationally known in order to get the projects she'd like to see? Maybe if she'd open her pocketbook instead of pitching little hissy fits, the film she financed might end up being eligible for Oscar nominations. Perhaps she could even star in some indie film project & ensure that it gets eligible for consideration for the Oscars so she could herself get nominated.
Halle Berry personally financed Introducing Dorothy Dandridge b/c she said she felt that story should be told & believed in it that much. Jada Pinkett Smith is not in the poor house from what I know. She's not living with parents or roommates in a small apartment or dealing with roaches or menial jobs like a lot of unknowns do & still manage to create despite those struggles.
Sorry, but you don't get to bitch about lack of diversity when you aren't doing anything yourself to change or solve that problem when you damn well could. If she were doing what Spike Lee has been doing over decades, I could give her credit. If she were out scouting for unknown black filmmakers or producers or companies with a major black ownership/voice, that would be different. People would take her far more seriously. I think sane people do take Spike Lee seriously on this subject since as I said, he strikes me as a man of principle.
All these other people wanting to join this boycott who aren't putting their millions into indie film projects or creating the works they want to see, same goes for you. Where's YOUR contribution to increasing diversity for anyone? Until you've made one (and not giving money to someone like Tyler Perry but an unknown who creates truly diverse material, not necessarily my company), you need to keep your mouth shut.
It's the same thing as complaining about where you are in life while doing zero to improve yourself. Not getting an education, not making friends, not networking with people who have been down the path you're trying to go, not researching where you want to live, etc. My ex-husband was just like that in complaining about his job; he never appreciated the fact that he was pretty much layoff proof & most people didn't have that job security. Nor did he bother to network with people doing the job he wanted to do or even have a clue what it was that he wanted to do (except maybe leech off me).
Plus with me, talk is cheap. Action counts with me. In fact, action counts a lot for me.
I actually thought of an episode of A Different World & a scene with Jada Pinkett Smith's character, Lena James. For those of you who never saw A Different World, it was genius at times. Their episode on a confrontation with white students from a rival sports team was brilliant & it didn't end with the black characters being 100% right. Lena was a very pro-black, somewhat militant character who was very much a "damn the man" type.
In the episode I thought of, all the students are coming back and Freddie now looks more professional vs. her hippy child look that she'd had for the bulk of the show. Lena calls her a sellout. Freddie tells her that she's adopting a professional look b/c she's in law school & trying to infiltrate the system so it can be fixed from within. That way, when Lena "finally decides to start walking some of this talk" it will be Freddie keeping Lena out of jail. Basically, Freddie called Lena out on her comment.
It felt like art was imitating real life with this whole controversy.
3. Please refrain from using slavery as a justification for reform. Use police brutality, the neglect causing the lead water in Flint, voting laws, segregation if you're old enough to have lived it, redlining, things you personally have lived and suffered discrimination from.
Address your gripe at the 1% if you want to complain about slavery since those people's ancestors were most likely slaveowners. I can assure you my family didn't since they've been poor forever. My mom said our ancestors were probably working those same fields alongside the slaves. I do know we had ancestors who dodged the draft for the Civil War so I don't think they were exactly pro-slavery or states rights or holding up the Confederacy. If there were any KKK members in my family, we never talked to them or associated with them. Plenty of people will join you if you want to stick it to the 1%; if you want to stick it to abusive cops and law enforcement & address police brutality as an issue for all poor people (my own father was falsely arrested & went though a nasty ordeal with the police shortly after my sister's first husband died that I felt was exploitation of a grieving family), you will get allies there as well. If you want to address poverty & class issues as a global issue (as in all races, not just one), again you'll get a lot of allies.
I know I don't listen to people who whine about things they never lived & find it disrespectful to do that. Slavery has also been illegal for quite sometime. You're not finding opportunity; hey, other poor people in general have the same problems. I know black people who are professionals in their fields so very much possible to advance in life if you really have motivation to do it. That's something you have to have for yourself, not expect others to give you.
So in the midst of all this, I think about the dating world. Most people don't give you attitude or call you a racist, fat shamer, xenophobe, etc. if you say "I don't date XYZ group." At least I've found this true in conversations with people individually. You're not expected to manufacture attraction for a group you're not interested in.
But in this PC obsessed world, I wonder how far we are from people saying "I don't want to date fat people" and getting crucified as fat shamers or women saying "I don't want to date a Muslim" and getting branded as bigoted or saying "I don't want to date black people" and getting called a racist.
Though I'd think some people who want to date their own race or religion would thank you for not trying to go after their dating pool. I saw Waiting to Exhale (a great film that I think all women can relate to, not just black women) & one character who is going through a divorce finds her husband is cheating and is more indignant that it's with his white secretary. She's extremely focused on his leaving her for this white woman & views his cheating with a white woman as even worse. Personally, I will never be that white woman since I like + respect my black female friends & my romantic interests lie elsewhere. While most of the white boys were calling me "ugly" and being mean to me, some of the black boys (along with black girls) in my classes showed me friendship and basic human respect.
If you're a guy, you're better off being my friend if you want to be in my life for an appreciable period of time. My relationships usually end with "you are dead to me" (though I've never actually said that to an ex; it's more figurative).
If you're not a redhead, you can date all the redhaired guys you want & will never upset me. I'm not attracted to them either since I don't want to date someone everybody thinks is my brother. Plus, I know I'd have to check and make sure that guy wasn't related to me since my family isn't all that close & we have relatives all over the place we don't talk to and have never met.
I feel like if you're a woman and you say stuff like "I won't date a XYZ guy," you'll get some guy who brands you a racist or a xenophobe despite realities about the person's cultural background or your own personal preferences. I, like hopefully the rest of the civilized world, think there's a difference between who you do business with or who you'll be friends with or who you'll be polite to on the subway vs. who you'll commingle sex organs with. One must wonder if the PC police is trying to dictate who people commingle their sex organs with (or kiss/have foreplay/coitus with, if you prefer). When you think about it that way, they're just as bad as the God botherers don't you think? They also want to control your bedroom. Don't ever allow that if you're an adult & there's consent among the participants.
And now it's time for some (hopefully) yummy leftovers.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
College Student Protestors: Am I Just Getting Old or Is This Indeed a Conspiracy to Return to Segregation and Eliminate Free Speech?
I saw this article a few days ago about these people's "demands" to others on racial matters. One of these demands is telling white women not to speak on the subject, quite a few were imposing mandatory "cultural sensitivity" training and so forth. I also read something in Slate.com not long ago regarding people's wanting "safe spaces" i.e. spaces where only minorities of a particular race could be & didn't have to worry about people from other groups.
I actually posted that one on the "safe space" on my Facebook friends and asked my friends of varied backgrounds (particularly my black friends) what they made of this. I wondered if they also thought the concept of a "safe space" sounded an awful lot like segregation, which black people fought to get rid of back in the '60s. As I don't associate with ignorant morons who try to clothe themselves as "liberals," other friends indeed felt that sounded messed up.
A friend also tells me about some student at Cornell who was "emotionally traumatized" at having to read literature by white people in a required course like there's no library at a college or some black studies course she could take to supplement her learning. Some media outlet apparently picked up that story, which I haven't the faintest idea why.
Then I read the above article & as an attorney, member of the most minority of any minority group out there (and you don't hear natural redheads calling for "safe spaces" from the rest of you fuckers) and a rational thinking human being I'm immediately struck by a few things:
1. These protestors would be the shittiest attorneys in the world.
2. These protestors assume that employers never do research on them on social media.
3. These protestors are ignorant of basic history on their own race.
4. These protestors really don't want to go anywhere in life.
5. These protestors have been given zero basic survival skills & are a failure in parenting.
Here is a basic & simple truth; the real world doesn't have "safe spaces." If you want a true "safe space," you'll have to be six feet under. Even if you decide to take on a reclusive existence as a mountain (wo)man, you're going to have to get bullets for your gun sometime, see the grocery delivery people or go to the general store. Unless maybe you go to a completely deserted island devoid of all people, you're a damn survival expert & you'll always have enough food, good weather for it to replenish and no bigger wild animals to eat you or your potential food supply you're going to have to deal with other people. Those people won't always be YOUR race, age, demographic & might not agree with your point of view on all aspects of life. Are you going to demand the gun shop owner to "check [their] privilege?!" Are you going to tell wild animals "This is my safe space & you can't be here?!" Being dead is the only way you'll get a "safe space," kids. Don't you think you deserve a little more time on the earth than dying in your early 20s or sooner? I'm sure my late BIL would have liked more time than that, maybe seen his son grow up & learn to talk and all. My sister certainly would have & I know his family would have. This is the same general rationale why it's not a good idea to spend all your education and time away from minorities, (wo)men, people of other ages and life situations. That distance is unrealistic & when you encounter someone different from who you're used to, it just causes major problems.
Could you imagine what some employer would say to a protestor telling them to "check [their] privilege?" or saying they needed a safe space? If it were my company, I'd never hire that "I'm a special snowflake more worthy of rights than YOU & everyone else who works here" troublemaker. Some of these "demands" are for special privileges not based on anyone's talent or aptitude but just b/c of a minority status. If we were doing hiring and promotions and such based on who's most minority I think natural redheads & those from mixed races including naturally red hair would be Emperor/Grand Master/CEO over everyone else regardless of how competent they were since they'd win rarity arguments in 2 seconds (especially if you didn't look like the typical natural redhead since you'd have gotten far more hassle than anyone else in growing up and living life--those people would get to be President of the US without the voting process or lobbying if that's how the world worked).
A pro tip: the key to getting people to be on your side is to listen to what they say & frame your argument in a way that's going to make them listen/consider your words. Do these idiots think alienating their allies or demanding people to do things they've never expressed an interest in doing i.e. bullying them to do what they want is going to make them their advocates? Hell to the NO!!!! That's the polar opposite of getting anyone to take your side in an argument or consider the problem you're bringing up.
Your typical, rational adult does NOT like being bullied or infantilized. They also don't like you shitting on their efforts to help you. If you don't think it's helpful, here's a novel concept: have a private conversation with the person/entity, explain your point in a cool, rational way and then steer them in ways where their efforts will be more "helpful" to you. Express your deep appreciation for them caring enough to put in any effort at all & don't list this as a public demand picked up by the news media.
What I heard in reading that is "We shit on the efforts of white women & belittle their experiences in this society." I also heard serious paternalism & sexism in there. My response would be "Fuck you & the horse you rode in on. Your 'movement' can crash & burn for all I care and (if you're dealing with an angry enough feminist) I'll make it my mission to knock you down every single chance I get." You think it's fucking peachy to be in that category? You ever try talking to poor, white women & educating yourself on that vantage point? If you haven't, I suggest you check YOUR privilege & shut your mouth since your brain is in dire need of more oxygen.
I learned how to do this listening to other people & appropriately create arguments back in elementary school when we covered persuasive writing. I also took a high school and college class on the subject & had it been available to me, would have been on a debate team since I love doing it. People have outright said to me that I was an attorney long before I ever got the licenses; my history of standing up to BS in life certainly supports this.
The way these people have "demands" tells me they would bomb out of law school long before 1L Fall exams came around. What arguments have they presented to prove their points? Would they tell some law professor to "check [their] privilege?" The law professor would tell you to get out of the class; they don't take mess in law school. They don't coddle special snowflakes who think their shit doesn't stink just like everyone else's & you'll lose that ego real quick in the first year.
Also, if you're going to own your own business the key to getting customers for your product is not being a complete jackhole. Even if you have the best product out there, no one's going to buy it with no publicity (and you've likely alienated any PR person who might have helped you by telling him/her to "check [their] privilege") & you being an ass to customers or giving them the impression that you're a jackhole based on your publicly covered events such as claiming trauma from something students have experienced since the college system existed back in the 1700s/1800s. No one's stopping you from educating yourself but it sounds like you're too damn lazy and entitled to bother with self-learning or see value in it. Customers can be as demanding and exacting as potential employers & unless you've got a product that's VERY popular among a niche that never, ever changes you're going to have to be nice to people who aren't just like you. Imagine a restaurant or bar owner that refused to serve minorities or women or even one legged weasels born under the right side of a watermelon. Maybe not enough to trigger a civil rights violation but enough hostility to stay just above the law. That's how you get a business to fail b/c you are injecting your personal politics into your work & the general attitude will alienate others from your business. Others in the world have friends of all stripes as well as family members who may not look like them. I'm sure they'd not like some business owner who treats their friends and family members like garbage and would refuse to patronize it, no matter how good the food or décor.
Finally, I consider not alienating people a basic survival skill. It's the skill you need to get along in the world, have friendships and so forth. This isn't "don't have an opinion or express a viewpoint" but expressing that opinion and viewpoint in a respectful fashion. No calling your detractors names or making character attacks against them (like declaring them racist for not going along with you) but sticking to objective facts, pointing out logical flaws in their thinking and the like. Bully, coerce and emotionally abuse at your own peril. That just makes people angry, focus hatred on you & do everything to shut you down. At least, that is what a person like myself would totally do to you.
Let's just say that in spite of where I'm at in life, I don't forgive or forget. There's no way you can forget or forgive someone like my ex-husband for his behavior. You can't forgive or forget about someone who molested you or your child either & I'd find it insane to try shaming people in those circumstances to do either of those. The best I can take away from that is advising others in similar circumstances or sharing that story so maybe they won't make the same mistakes or do some of the things I experienced to someone else.
The friend who shared the article about the "traumatized" student over the reading material advanced an interesting theory: that the media and press are covering these whiny little brats to erode free speech rights and set progress back. Logic going "Hey, they ASKED for segregation so let's give it to them!" When you dissect it & know that the mainstream media in the US is far from impartial, that makes a lot of sense. In the world I know of & that I think the majority of my generation and up know of, those kids would have been shut down in 3 seconds. No administrators would be taking them seriously & no news organizations would have allowed these nutjobs to censor their coverage or editorial voice. They'd have said "Go study or we'll expel you."
I'm very curious what these people's parents have to say. I'd be embarrassed & furious that my kid wasted the money on tuition, where the parent likely had to take on loans or pay out of pocket, to waste their time ruining their future job prospects & likely letting their grades slip to be professional protestors and not even doing a very good job at it. As an attorney, if I had a kid like that I'd be appalled that my kid hadn't learned the basic rule of argument or how to rally diverse hearts and minds to their cause; it'd be utterly embarrassing. Reading all this, you kind of wonder where those hardliner parents constantly commenting on stories regarding the student loan crisis are. The ones that say "My kid is going to XYZ local school & they'll work their butt off at it since I'm not supporting him/her after graduation or letting him/her leech off me while doing nothing." Some of them are also the ones who demand their kids take particular majors/fields of study and make the best grades possible or else. It'd be interesting to hear what these protestors' parents have to say about this stuff or what they said to their kids after they were in the national media on stuff like this.
My parents would likely have supported me in my endeavors but I also knew what types of causes were or weren't worth it for me to take on, didn't slack in my studies, didn't make "demands" for things or alienate potential allies. I also didn't advocate for a rolling back of basic human rights like free speech and freedom of association. Nor did I bitch about school curriculums where no one was stopping me from doing my own reading of what I wanted or taking classes I wanted to take. People have never liked their mandatory classes most anyplace so I can't have sympathy for that kind of fight.
But seriously, the "it's an attempt to roll back rights" theory does have some teeth if you ask me. I also don't think I'm quite THAT old to notice history and recognize institutions like segregation when I hear about them.
I actually posted that one on the "safe space" on my Facebook friends and asked my friends of varied backgrounds (particularly my black friends) what they made of this. I wondered if they also thought the concept of a "safe space" sounded an awful lot like segregation, which black people fought to get rid of back in the '60s. As I don't associate with ignorant morons who try to clothe themselves as "liberals," other friends indeed felt that sounded messed up.
A friend also tells me about some student at Cornell who was "emotionally traumatized" at having to read literature by white people in a required course like there's no library at a college or some black studies course she could take to supplement her learning. Some media outlet apparently picked up that story, which I haven't the faintest idea why.
Then I read the above article & as an attorney, member of the most minority of any minority group out there (and you don't hear natural redheads calling for "safe spaces" from the rest of you fuckers) and a rational thinking human being I'm immediately struck by a few things:
1. These protestors would be the shittiest attorneys in the world.
2. These protestors assume that employers never do research on them on social media.
3. These protestors are ignorant of basic history on their own race.
4. These protestors really don't want to go anywhere in life.
5. These protestors have been given zero basic survival skills & are a failure in parenting.
Here is a basic & simple truth; the real world doesn't have "safe spaces." If you want a true "safe space," you'll have to be six feet under. Even if you decide to take on a reclusive existence as a mountain (wo)man, you're going to have to get bullets for your gun sometime, see the grocery delivery people or go to the general store. Unless maybe you go to a completely deserted island devoid of all people, you're a damn survival expert & you'll always have enough food, good weather for it to replenish and no bigger wild animals to eat you or your potential food supply you're going to have to deal with other people. Those people won't always be YOUR race, age, demographic & might not agree with your point of view on all aspects of life. Are you going to demand the gun shop owner to "check [their] privilege?!" Are you going to tell wild animals "This is my safe space & you can't be here?!" Being dead is the only way you'll get a "safe space," kids. Don't you think you deserve a little more time on the earth than dying in your early 20s or sooner? I'm sure my late BIL would have liked more time than that, maybe seen his son grow up & learn to talk and all. My sister certainly would have & I know his family would have. This is the same general rationale why it's not a good idea to spend all your education and time away from minorities, (wo)men, people of other ages and life situations. That distance is unrealistic & when you encounter someone different from who you're used to, it just causes major problems.
Could you imagine what some employer would say to a protestor telling them to "check [their] privilege?" or saying they needed a safe space? If it were my company, I'd never hire that "I'm a special snowflake more worthy of rights than YOU & everyone else who works here" troublemaker. Some of these "demands" are for special privileges not based on anyone's talent or aptitude but just b/c of a minority status. If we were doing hiring and promotions and such based on who's most minority I think natural redheads & those from mixed races including naturally red hair would be Emperor/Grand Master/CEO over everyone else regardless of how competent they were since they'd win rarity arguments in 2 seconds (especially if you didn't look like the typical natural redhead since you'd have gotten far more hassle than anyone else in growing up and living life--those people would get to be President of the US without the voting process or lobbying if that's how the world worked).
A pro tip: the key to getting people to be on your side is to listen to what they say & frame your argument in a way that's going to make them listen/consider your words. Do these idiots think alienating their allies or demanding people to do things they've never expressed an interest in doing i.e. bullying them to do what they want is going to make them their advocates? Hell to the NO!!!! That's the polar opposite of getting anyone to take your side in an argument or consider the problem you're bringing up.
Your typical, rational adult does NOT like being bullied or infantilized. They also don't like you shitting on their efforts to help you. If you don't think it's helpful, here's a novel concept: have a private conversation with the person/entity, explain your point in a cool, rational way and then steer them in ways where their efforts will be more "helpful" to you. Express your deep appreciation for them caring enough to put in any effort at all & don't list this as a public demand picked up by the news media.
What I heard in reading that is "We shit on the efforts of white women & belittle their experiences in this society." I also heard serious paternalism & sexism in there. My response would be "Fuck you & the horse you rode in on. Your 'movement' can crash & burn for all I care and (if you're dealing with an angry enough feminist) I'll make it my mission to knock you down every single chance I get." You think it's fucking peachy to be in that category? You ever try talking to poor, white women & educating yourself on that vantage point? If you haven't, I suggest you check YOUR privilege & shut your mouth since your brain is in dire need of more oxygen.
I learned how to do this listening to other people & appropriately create arguments back in elementary school when we covered persuasive writing. I also took a high school and college class on the subject & had it been available to me, would have been on a debate team since I love doing it. People have outright said to me that I was an attorney long before I ever got the licenses; my history of standing up to BS in life certainly supports this.
The way these people have "demands" tells me they would bomb out of law school long before 1L Fall exams came around. What arguments have they presented to prove their points? Would they tell some law professor to "check [their] privilege?" The law professor would tell you to get out of the class; they don't take mess in law school. They don't coddle special snowflakes who think their shit doesn't stink just like everyone else's & you'll lose that ego real quick in the first year.
Also, if you're going to own your own business the key to getting customers for your product is not being a complete jackhole. Even if you have the best product out there, no one's going to buy it with no publicity (and you've likely alienated any PR person who might have helped you by telling him/her to "check [their] privilege") & you being an ass to customers or giving them the impression that you're a jackhole based on your publicly covered events such as claiming trauma from something students have experienced since the college system existed back in the 1700s/1800s. No one's stopping you from educating yourself but it sounds like you're too damn lazy and entitled to bother with self-learning or see value in it. Customers can be as demanding and exacting as potential employers & unless you've got a product that's VERY popular among a niche that never, ever changes you're going to have to be nice to people who aren't just like you. Imagine a restaurant or bar owner that refused to serve minorities or women or even one legged weasels born under the right side of a watermelon. Maybe not enough to trigger a civil rights violation but enough hostility to stay just above the law. That's how you get a business to fail b/c you are injecting your personal politics into your work & the general attitude will alienate others from your business. Others in the world have friends of all stripes as well as family members who may not look like them. I'm sure they'd not like some business owner who treats their friends and family members like garbage and would refuse to patronize it, no matter how good the food or décor.
Finally, I consider not alienating people a basic survival skill. It's the skill you need to get along in the world, have friendships and so forth. This isn't "don't have an opinion or express a viewpoint" but expressing that opinion and viewpoint in a respectful fashion. No calling your detractors names or making character attacks against them (like declaring them racist for not going along with you) but sticking to objective facts, pointing out logical flaws in their thinking and the like. Bully, coerce and emotionally abuse at your own peril. That just makes people angry, focus hatred on you & do everything to shut you down. At least, that is what a person like myself would totally do to you.
Let's just say that in spite of where I'm at in life, I don't forgive or forget. There's no way you can forget or forgive someone like my ex-husband for his behavior. You can't forgive or forget about someone who molested you or your child either & I'd find it insane to try shaming people in those circumstances to do either of those. The best I can take away from that is advising others in similar circumstances or sharing that story so maybe they won't make the same mistakes or do some of the things I experienced to someone else.
The friend who shared the article about the "traumatized" student over the reading material advanced an interesting theory: that the media and press are covering these whiny little brats to erode free speech rights and set progress back. Logic going "Hey, they ASKED for segregation so let's give it to them!" When you dissect it & know that the mainstream media in the US is far from impartial, that makes a lot of sense. In the world I know of & that I think the majority of my generation and up know of, those kids would have been shut down in 3 seconds. No administrators would be taking them seriously & no news organizations would have allowed these nutjobs to censor their coverage or editorial voice. They'd have said "Go study or we'll expel you."
I'm very curious what these people's parents have to say. I'd be embarrassed & furious that my kid wasted the money on tuition, where the parent likely had to take on loans or pay out of pocket, to waste their time ruining their future job prospects & likely letting their grades slip to be professional protestors and not even doing a very good job at it. As an attorney, if I had a kid like that I'd be appalled that my kid hadn't learned the basic rule of argument or how to rally diverse hearts and minds to their cause; it'd be utterly embarrassing. Reading all this, you kind of wonder where those hardliner parents constantly commenting on stories regarding the student loan crisis are. The ones that say "My kid is going to XYZ local school & they'll work their butt off at it since I'm not supporting him/her after graduation or letting him/her leech off me while doing nothing." Some of them are also the ones who demand their kids take particular majors/fields of study and make the best grades possible or else. It'd be interesting to hear what these protestors' parents have to say about this stuff or what they said to their kids after they were in the national media on stuff like this.
My parents would likely have supported me in my endeavors but I also knew what types of causes were or weren't worth it for me to take on, didn't slack in my studies, didn't make "demands" for things or alienate potential allies. I also didn't advocate for a rolling back of basic human rights like free speech and freedom of association. Nor did I bitch about school curriculums where no one was stopping me from doing my own reading of what I wanted or taking classes I wanted to take. People have never liked their mandatory classes most anyplace so I can't have sympathy for that kind of fight.
But seriously, the "it's an attempt to roll back rights" theory does have some teeth if you ask me. I also don't think I'm quite THAT old to notice history and recognize institutions like segregation when I hear about them.
Friday, December 4, 2015
The Police & "Black Lives Matter": My Take on the Whole Sordid Subject
Some personal experiences in my new life have made me really think about & reflect on this with a critical eye. First, some history for those who aren't aware of it (which I imagine is a great many readers).
My personal, general experiences with the police have been positive if you can believe it. My uncle (who my mother wasn't too crazy about & who apparently didn't treat my aunt as well as he should have) was a cop and my father had a very bad experience with the local police literally a day after my brother in law's funeral in 2003. For those who haven't heard this one, here goes:
My father was an alcoholic. As in, he'd had enough DWIs to lose his driver's license (including his CDL license, ending his career as a truck driver), been to rehab for his addiction, did some time in jail, was on house arrest when I was in 6th grade complete with device on his ankle and had been required to put in an interlock device in his car in order to drive again after all this DUI/DWI stuff. In 2003, my sister's first husband died suddenly at the age of 21. This was 6 months after he & my sister had gotten married and 3 weeks after my oldest nephew was born. The day after my brother in law's funeral when I was on my way back to Atlanta to go home & prepare for work the next week, my father gets pulled over by the local police. They ask where the interlock device in the car is when he'd been free of that obligation long before this incident. Based on his having red eyes, they claimed he was drunk and the car was immediately towed far away and a whole court proceeding started where my mother had to retain a lawyer to defend my father.
Now my mother has been in denial on a few things about my father but she outright told us more than once that she would never allow my father to get on the road drunk after these DUIs. She told him "If you get behind the wheel drunk, I will call the police & have you arrested for it." She was very strict about this. She also never pretended the man was sober when he was drunk so if she said he'd not been drinking, I was inclined to believe her. She told me he had not been drinking.
At hearing this, I felt the local police was trying to bully a grieving family & make things worse. My family definitely didn't have money for all this & sure didn't need to go through all that after losing their son in law. Keep in mind that my sister and her husband were living under the same roof as my parents so they saw each other on a daily basis. It wasn't like my relationship with my brother in law, where I only saw him if I visited my family. Maybe I'm the only one who saw his getting arrested for this as a logic fail. I heard about this assumption he was drunk based on his having red eyes & said "We just buried my brother in law yesterday; we've been crying for days. OF COURSE the man's eyes were red!"
Now that is an example of terrible policing considering after my mom got that lawyer, he obtained the records proving our claims and my father eventually went free. Think about how many people can't get legal counsel? My mother contacted the DMV concerning my father's license (the police claimed at the time he was pulled over it was suspended when it reality, it was not). They completely ignored her while they finally gave the records showing that the police were wrong to their attorney.
I guess one upside is that my parents might have respected my profession a little bit before I actually started on the path to become an attorney myself. So many people don't have respect for attorneys or that job & plenty of attorneys don't exactly make people sympathetic to them or their needs by being the assholes everyone claims they are.
That brings me to an observation about the "Black Lives Matter" movement and police brutality against black people. If you are going to have ANY type of cause at all, it helps if you aren't living down to negative stereotypes about your group. If you want people to care about black lives, it might help if a particular classification of black people didn't behave in a stereotypical, "ghetto" fashion such as getting nasty with law enforcement, being uncooperative, refusing to act in a civilized manner, etc. I've not seen people championing this movement also saying "there are good cops out there & maybe you shouldn't start off assuming all of them are racist without speaking to them first." These people wouldn't like others meeting them and presuming they were racist without ever talking to them & seeing how they behaved toward them.
I've also yet to see many in this movement calling out the people behaving like ghetto trash (recall that ghetto trash is not limited to a racial group; I've seen plenty of white people behaving like ghetto trash as well & I'm sure there are people in other ethnic groups behaving the same way but it wasn't my experience). Unlike individual black friends of mine who have done plenty of overt attacking & condemning of ghetto behavior in their own ranks, I've not see the "Black Lives Matter" crowd doing this. Personally, I think it's a polarizing and alienating movement much the same as the concept of "safe spaces." I'm in agreement with "ALL Lives Matter."
Bad cops are bad cops and a problem to EVERYONE, not just one group no matter how great the impact is on that group. Separation of things in 2015 is absurd to me since we no longer have state sanctioned segregation or outright rules that a particular group can't participate in things. You are not going to win me or anyone else to your cause by uttering phrases like "check your privilege" or claiming you need "safe spaces." No, you're just a whiny little brat who can't hack it in real life where people are (gasp!) DIFFERENT from you and don't agree with everything you say and might have an opinion you don't agree with. Instead of being a civilized, mature human being who listens to see if maybe the person with an opposing view may have some valid points and is willing to agree to disagree if there are no valid points in that argument, these folks would rather have the world cater to their PC nonsense & demand superior rights over everyone else. No and NO!!!
Saying "Black Lives Matter" implies that black lives are superior to everyone else's & that is dead wrong. No one's right to exist is superior to someone else's on the basis of race, gender, age, nationality and so forth. I think that is what is turning people off to that movement; the implication that one group has more rights than someone else. Racism isn't cool no matter who's being discriminated against.
I've met some good cops, cops who used their heads and weren't a bunch of hotheads with zero critical thinking skills. Cops who did actual stuff you want the police to do like break up bar fights, listen when you speak about harassment situations, find out if you're okay if your car is stuck on the side of the road, deal with panhandlers on the subway, tell you when your ex-husband is moving from the apartment you found and lived in for the duration of your marriage, that kind of thing.
No one's mentioned the police harming peaceful protesters in the course of this brutality movement & those were white people as well as people of color. How about we deal with the bigger problems rather than make a blanket statement that ALL police officers are racist and ALL black people are innocent angels in all circumstances? How about we look at the class issues? Yeah, you shocked there are poor white people in the world? Go live out in the real world & talk to people. Look into the numbers on who seeks welfare. I was most certainly not the only white person seeking public assistance or going to the job center earlier this year.
How about this movement deal with the issue of ghetto trash living down to negative stereotypes that drag down all black people? I've definitely addressed ghetto trash living down to stereotypes that diminish and harm me or my family as lower income & would call that out in a second if I saw it in my backyard. Where are these advocates in those situations? I've also addressed the behavior of women that drags me down as a woman such as claiming sexual harassment b/c a guy complimented your dress. These harridans make ALL women look like oversensitive crybabies & I sure wouldn't want them working in my industry. How about addressing the climate where bad cops are being protected akin to the Catholic Church protecting pedophile priests by moving them from place to place instead of defrocking them?
You'll note I definitely address the assholery of the legal profession. I don't spend my time with assholes, wouldn't pee on them if they were on fire, will publicly admonish those who are offending my sensibilities/pissing me off with their nasty behavior, and certainly warning non-attorney colleagues, friends and associates about particular ones so they don't end up having to deal with that behavior. I even recall addressing this in scam blogs and other places where people whined about how no one cares about the problems of attorneys & that job market. It's like "People might give a damn if you weren't a bunch of flaming assholes to everyone & weren't condoning that behavior in others." I can see that same principle applying to the "Black Lives Matter" movement.
That movement could make impact and effect change for the better but it's going about it in a very piss poor manner by having this air of entitlement & refusing to address the very valid issues I've mentioned here. It's also not helping its case by demonizing all law enforcement. As I mentioned, my own father was unjustly arrested and hassled by the police. He didn't try attacking anyone physically or doing things that surely would have gotten him tazed or on the business end of a choke-hold. If he had, I would have addressed that fact and realized "Hey, maybe we should encourage people to act differently & then see what happens. Maybe we should save our rage for when it's justified like shooting someone unarmed who's being cooperative, polite, etc." That Southern politeness ethic can help you sometimes & if someone harms you while you're doing that, then the person who harmed you isn't going to get sympathy from most rational people. Polite doesn't mean subservient, friends.
Honestly, I think there's a major class issue in this country & it's intertwined with race in a way that seems to make most people think it's all about race when there's also the class component and the poverty mentality you have to deal with. Class isn't something strictly defined by race or we'd never have rich black people or poor white people.
I applaud my friends for calling out bullshit when they see it. That's probably a big reason they're friends with me. As for the "safe space" thing, I was delighted when black friends of mine also felt it sounded like self-imposed segregation and a step backwards. I think integration overall is a good thing since we'd have lost great perspectives and minds if we limited ourselves to only listening to white people on things. There are people of color just as there are people who don't come from money who are intelligent, classy, respectful and aren't walking around with a poverty mentality or a victim mindset. They can spot bullshit & have some backbone to call folk out on it. I know my school years as a natural redhead would have been worse with all white kids since almost none are natural redheads & I got along much better with other minorities since they understood how it felt to be different and not always treated well b/c of it. I also think my general life perspective is better because of not living in White Land & for having had exposure to people with different life backgrounds and experience whether that was class, race, religion, gender, whatever. Any good writer sees the value of getting someone else's perspectives & trying to understand how they see the world. A smart person wants to encounter as many different perspectives as possible & truly think on those to be a well rounded, full human being. It certainly helps if you want to be a good political leader or perform other leadership roles competently.
I'm not sure what the real solution is. If I were running things, there'd be no affirmative action since everything would be done in a blind manner & only the most talented would get things irrelevant to race or gender or any other nonsense. Education would be targeted to people's actual aptitude, not economic or racial prejudice. I'd also just get rid of the racists in the workplace since I think much like religion, racism is something that you might practice in private but we don't need to be seeing or hearing about & that you certainly don't get to use to not do your job, harass others, and so forth. People don't like being recruited for religious movements at work or seeing that either so why not the same principle for racists? As I commented before, working racists aren't racists lobbying government officials to roll back equal rights protections or participating in protests against civil rights for groups they don't like; they're too busy working.
My personal, general experiences with the police have been positive if you can believe it. My uncle (who my mother wasn't too crazy about & who apparently didn't treat my aunt as well as he should have) was a cop and my father had a very bad experience with the local police literally a day after my brother in law's funeral in 2003. For those who haven't heard this one, here goes:
My father was an alcoholic. As in, he'd had enough DWIs to lose his driver's license (including his CDL license, ending his career as a truck driver), been to rehab for his addiction, did some time in jail, was on house arrest when I was in 6th grade complete with device on his ankle and had been required to put in an interlock device in his car in order to drive again after all this DUI/DWI stuff. In 2003, my sister's first husband died suddenly at the age of 21. This was 6 months after he & my sister had gotten married and 3 weeks after my oldest nephew was born. The day after my brother in law's funeral when I was on my way back to Atlanta to go home & prepare for work the next week, my father gets pulled over by the local police. They ask where the interlock device in the car is when he'd been free of that obligation long before this incident. Based on his having red eyes, they claimed he was drunk and the car was immediately towed far away and a whole court proceeding started where my mother had to retain a lawyer to defend my father.
Now my mother has been in denial on a few things about my father but she outright told us more than once that she would never allow my father to get on the road drunk after these DUIs. She told him "If you get behind the wheel drunk, I will call the police & have you arrested for it." She was very strict about this. She also never pretended the man was sober when he was drunk so if she said he'd not been drinking, I was inclined to believe her. She told me he had not been drinking.
At hearing this, I felt the local police was trying to bully a grieving family & make things worse. My family definitely didn't have money for all this & sure didn't need to go through all that after losing their son in law. Keep in mind that my sister and her husband were living under the same roof as my parents so they saw each other on a daily basis. It wasn't like my relationship with my brother in law, where I only saw him if I visited my family. Maybe I'm the only one who saw his getting arrested for this as a logic fail. I heard about this assumption he was drunk based on his having red eyes & said "We just buried my brother in law yesterday; we've been crying for days. OF COURSE the man's eyes were red!"
Now that is an example of terrible policing considering after my mom got that lawyer, he obtained the records proving our claims and my father eventually went free. Think about how many people can't get legal counsel? My mother contacted the DMV concerning my father's license (the police claimed at the time he was pulled over it was suspended when it reality, it was not). They completely ignored her while they finally gave the records showing that the police were wrong to their attorney.
I guess one upside is that my parents might have respected my profession a little bit before I actually started on the path to become an attorney myself. So many people don't have respect for attorneys or that job & plenty of attorneys don't exactly make people sympathetic to them or their needs by being the assholes everyone claims they are.
That brings me to an observation about the "Black Lives Matter" movement and police brutality against black people. If you are going to have ANY type of cause at all, it helps if you aren't living down to negative stereotypes about your group. If you want people to care about black lives, it might help if a particular classification of black people didn't behave in a stereotypical, "ghetto" fashion such as getting nasty with law enforcement, being uncooperative, refusing to act in a civilized manner, etc. I've not seen people championing this movement also saying "there are good cops out there & maybe you shouldn't start off assuming all of them are racist without speaking to them first." These people wouldn't like others meeting them and presuming they were racist without ever talking to them & seeing how they behaved toward them.
I've also yet to see many in this movement calling out the people behaving like ghetto trash (recall that ghetto trash is not limited to a racial group; I've seen plenty of white people behaving like ghetto trash as well & I'm sure there are people in other ethnic groups behaving the same way but it wasn't my experience). Unlike individual black friends of mine who have done plenty of overt attacking & condemning of ghetto behavior in their own ranks, I've not see the "Black Lives Matter" crowd doing this. Personally, I think it's a polarizing and alienating movement much the same as the concept of "safe spaces." I'm in agreement with "ALL Lives Matter."
Bad cops are bad cops and a problem to EVERYONE, not just one group no matter how great the impact is on that group. Separation of things in 2015 is absurd to me since we no longer have state sanctioned segregation or outright rules that a particular group can't participate in things. You are not going to win me or anyone else to your cause by uttering phrases like "check your privilege" or claiming you need "safe spaces." No, you're just a whiny little brat who can't hack it in real life where people are (gasp!) DIFFERENT from you and don't agree with everything you say and might have an opinion you don't agree with. Instead of being a civilized, mature human being who listens to see if maybe the person with an opposing view may have some valid points and is willing to agree to disagree if there are no valid points in that argument, these folks would rather have the world cater to their PC nonsense & demand superior rights over everyone else. No and NO!!!
Saying "Black Lives Matter" implies that black lives are superior to everyone else's & that is dead wrong. No one's right to exist is superior to someone else's on the basis of race, gender, age, nationality and so forth. I think that is what is turning people off to that movement; the implication that one group has more rights than someone else. Racism isn't cool no matter who's being discriminated against.
I've met some good cops, cops who used their heads and weren't a bunch of hotheads with zero critical thinking skills. Cops who did actual stuff you want the police to do like break up bar fights, listen when you speak about harassment situations, find out if you're okay if your car is stuck on the side of the road, deal with panhandlers on the subway, tell you when your ex-husband is moving from the apartment you found and lived in for the duration of your marriage, that kind of thing.
No one's mentioned the police harming peaceful protesters in the course of this brutality movement & those were white people as well as people of color. How about we deal with the bigger problems rather than make a blanket statement that ALL police officers are racist and ALL black people are innocent angels in all circumstances? How about we look at the class issues? Yeah, you shocked there are poor white people in the world? Go live out in the real world & talk to people. Look into the numbers on who seeks welfare. I was most certainly not the only white person seeking public assistance or going to the job center earlier this year.
How about this movement deal with the issue of ghetto trash living down to negative stereotypes that drag down all black people? I've definitely addressed ghetto trash living down to stereotypes that diminish and harm me or my family as lower income & would call that out in a second if I saw it in my backyard. Where are these advocates in those situations? I've also addressed the behavior of women that drags me down as a woman such as claiming sexual harassment b/c a guy complimented your dress. These harridans make ALL women look like oversensitive crybabies & I sure wouldn't want them working in my industry. How about addressing the climate where bad cops are being protected akin to the Catholic Church protecting pedophile priests by moving them from place to place instead of defrocking them?
You'll note I definitely address the assholery of the legal profession. I don't spend my time with assholes, wouldn't pee on them if they were on fire, will publicly admonish those who are offending my sensibilities/pissing me off with their nasty behavior, and certainly warning non-attorney colleagues, friends and associates about particular ones so they don't end up having to deal with that behavior. I even recall addressing this in scam blogs and other places where people whined about how no one cares about the problems of attorneys & that job market. It's like "People might give a damn if you weren't a bunch of flaming assholes to everyone & weren't condoning that behavior in others." I can see that same principle applying to the "Black Lives Matter" movement.
That movement could make impact and effect change for the better but it's going about it in a very piss poor manner by having this air of entitlement & refusing to address the very valid issues I've mentioned here. It's also not helping its case by demonizing all law enforcement. As I mentioned, my own father was unjustly arrested and hassled by the police. He didn't try attacking anyone physically or doing things that surely would have gotten him tazed or on the business end of a choke-hold. If he had, I would have addressed that fact and realized "Hey, maybe we should encourage people to act differently & then see what happens. Maybe we should save our rage for when it's justified like shooting someone unarmed who's being cooperative, polite, etc." That Southern politeness ethic can help you sometimes & if someone harms you while you're doing that, then the person who harmed you isn't going to get sympathy from most rational people. Polite doesn't mean subservient, friends.
Honestly, I think there's a major class issue in this country & it's intertwined with race in a way that seems to make most people think it's all about race when there's also the class component and the poverty mentality you have to deal with. Class isn't something strictly defined by race or we'd never have rich black people or poor white people.
I applaud my friends for calling out bullshit when they see it. That's probably a big reason they're friends with me. As for the "safe space" thing, I was delighted when black friends of mine also felt it sounded like self-imposed segregation and a step backwards. I think integration overall is a good thing since we'd have lost great perspectives and minds if we limited ourselves to only listening to white people on things. There are people of color just as there are people who don't come from money who are intelligent, classy, respectful and aren't walking around with a poverty mentality or a victim mindset. They can spot bullshit & have some backbone to call folk out on it. I know my school years as a natural redhead would have been worse with all white kids since almost none are natural redheads & I got along much better with other minorities since they understood how it felt to be different and not always treated well b/c of it. I also think my general life perspective is better because of not living in White Land & for having had exposure to people with different life backgrounds and experience whether that was class, race, religion, gender, whatever. Any good writer sees the value of getting someone else's perspectives & trying to understand how they see the world. A smart person wants to encounter as many different perspectives as possible & truly think on those to be a well rounded, full human being. It certainly helps if you want to be a good political leader or perform other leadership roles competently.
I'm not sure what the real solution is. If I were running things, there'd be no affirmative action since everything would be done in a blind manner & only the most talented would get things irrelevant to race or gender or any other nonsense. Education would be targeted to people's actual aptitude, not economic or racial prejudice. I'd also just get rid of the racists in the workplace since I think much like religion, racism is something that you might practice in private but we don't need to be seeing or hearing about & that you certainly don't get to use to not do your job, harass others, and so forth. People don't like being recruited for religious movements at work or seeing that either so why not the same principle for racists? As I commented before, working racists aren't racists lobbying government officials to roll back equal rights protections or participating in protests against civil rights for groups they don't like; they're too busy working.
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Religion & "the Sordid Topic of Coin"
Yes, if you saw the movie Death Becomes Her you will recognize my use of that phrase. A little observation on this whole link that if you're not prepared for, you may want to sit down for.
We may be familiar with religions in the Northeast having their beliefs and participation in faith contingent on your socioeconomic status. You have to pay for tickets to go to major religious services like Catholic Mass, you apparently can't be a nun if you don't have a perfect credit rating (per a story I read about this a few years back & shocked me) and I know there's more harassment toward people who don't have money to spend as it relates to religious stuff but I'm not an authority there so I can't speak on it.
What I can speak on is the money grabbing going on in Christianity, at least in the Southeastern US where I grew up. My adorable & smart nephew recently expressed an interest in going to a private Christian school; despite his family, like mine as a child, having no means they apparently don't quality for any financial aid despite him and his family passing a rigorous "are you holy enough?" test required to attend.
I still have reservations about my nephew going to a Christian school considering I went to a religious private school myself in my younger years along with my sister. For one thing, I've found those environments to be incredibly judgy & draconian. They also like to either ignore the principles of sex ed or make kids think you can get a girl pregnant by kissing. I think I actually made my sister promise to have meaningful sex ed talks with my nephew since I refuse to have him go to college thinking sex is shameful or that even thinking about kissing a girl will get her pregnant. That ilk loves to demonize sex & if I still followed that teaching, they'd have me shipped off to Hell despite my ex-husband choosing to throw me out and being emotionally abusive toward me. I really don't want to have to go to that arena or deal with that aspect of the Christian faith; the school I went to was also headed by a racist who is a far distant cousin of my mother's (he long since left but he outright said once he didn't want black students in "his school"--this was decades after the civil rights movement).
Ironically, my sister & I were borne of a legacy that permitted us to easily get into the religious private school we went to (our mother & grandmother attended the church associated with that school). I also learned one of the teachers from this school is teaching at the school my nephew is supposed to be going to; last I heard from my childhood best friend years back, his daughter (another classmate of ours) was teaching at the school we attended ages ago. I can tell you that chick definitely did not express Christian love or tolerance toward me considering she actually told me one day when we were 7 to "Go away! I don't like you." When you're 7, you just want to have friends & be liked. That bitch didn't help my social issues with the little worthless morons I had to attend school with in NC, whether it was a public or a private school. If I saw her today, I'd probably call her out on it if she had the nerve to try being nice to me.
But aside from this mass hypocrisy, which my nephew apparently hasn't experienced from these kids (and he's apparently a lot like me in personality & is being tested for Asperger's so if he has it, I very well might as well) is the idea of religion in general infusing the sleazy topic of coin. When my sister told me about this financial aid thing with the school (the reason we ended up not continuing in our private school--my mother couldn't afford tuition & these fucks didn't give a damn about my academic record or our being good kids or anything like that nor tried to do ANYTHING to help keep us there), I blew up & said that is a reason people get turned off to religion.
It's this idea that "We love you but only if you can afford to be here," like God's love is conditional on how much money you give to this school or religion & to Hell with whether you'll be able to pay for food or rent or electric this month. Never mind if you actually deserve it based on your grades or your intelligence--I expect that shit from some godless university but I don't expect it from some place that's supposed to be based on teaching God's word. Doesn't God's word tell us about using our gifts & helping the less fortunate and all that? Where the fuck are the scholarship programs for smart kids? Where is the true financial aid looking at people's actual income & expenses?
One thing positive I can say about my religious private school experience is that it was academically good. I didn't feel bored in my classes b/c of the work being too easy or slow for me. You couldn't be some moron & succeed there; the teachers there DID teach vs. babysitting thugs & tolerating disruption. I remember going to public school later on & my school was ahead of where they were in 4th grade.
They also had a policy of allowing the principal to smack misbehaving kids. I found out from my sister that this school my nephew will be going to also has this. I have no issue there since most principals don't spend enough time with individual students to develop preferences or hatred for them. Teachers certainly do & I think giving them corporal punishment privileges is a terrible idea since they'd end up beating a kid they hated & going easy on one they liked; we have enough problems with bullying teachers without them getting to do this. Yeah, I know I have a BA in Psych but some kids get zero discipline at home & if some parent wants to bitch about a school authority figure imposing some on the kid they refuse to set limits with I think that parent ought to be smacked (not in a sexual way). There's a big difference b/t reasonable & unreasonable authority and if some parent refuses to stand up for reasonable authority, they are raising a savage and condoning savagery.
How do we normally deal with savages in modern society? Okay, how did we deal with them before the PC Police whined & cried about mercy for animal torturers, pedophiles, rapists, terrorists, etc.? I'm talking being anti-death penalty, not directly saying "let's show mercy" to these people but you get the general idea. I feel if you act inhuman, then you don't get to have the cover of human rights. Just saying & I do like Donald Trump's idea on handling terrorism (among other BS going on in society).
I also know what my nephew experienced in public school & I like the idea of a place where adults don't tolerate that type of fuckery from little redneck brats who'll never rise to the heights my nephew could get to since they are from bigger rednecks with zero respect for things outside their little bubble. Yeah, it's totally classist but I'm probably right. Most of the kids I went to school with in NC aren't Ivy League graduates or Nobel Prize winners or presidential candidates. Many stayed in the same town & merely had kids (who I hope they aren't trying to force to do things they never got to do since that's wrong)-- not the path that would have suited me or made me a fulfilled person.
I think some of those same people would have gotten pissed at me if I'd stayed in my hometown & done that, probably going into a speech like the one Ben Affleck gave to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting where Will wants to ignore his mathematical genius & stay in South Boston with his friend and the people he knows. His best friend tells him if he doesn't leave, he will personally kick his ass b/c he'd be throwing away an opportunity the rest of them will never get.
We already see this notion of "a dumbfuck with money can be a doctor or lawyer while a smart kid with no money has to stick it out in the trailer park" in colleges & other corners of society. Why the HELL are we seeing it in the one place that proclaims "blessed are the poor?" Religion is one of those things Obama claimed uneducated, poor people cling to b/c they have nothing else going for them in life.
I take a lot of issue with that & it's probably a major reason I don't follow a faith even though I believe God exists and there's punishment for wronging innocent people. Maybe I view it as a betrayal? It's just one of the many hypocrisies I've seen in the Christian faith & sorry, I don't care to belong to some club whose value of me as a human being is conditional to how much money I have to hand over. Lots of people in my college bitched about sororities b/c they viewed joining one as "buying friends." How is the money grab in religions NOT "buying God's favor" or "buying religious fellowship?" Care to explain that one to me?
And if we're going to talk about helping the church/entity be financially solvent, what about all those tax breaks they're supposed to be getting & non-profit perks? And what about me having the time to decide for myself if that church/entity is one that I care about enough to determine if I want to give them anything? There are some corrupt bastards out there, including plenty of Christian churches were pastors were raping children, raping women, stealing from the church and doing other scuzzy things the average Atheist, Pagan, Satanist, other religious faith fundie Christians deem "scary" would be against.
Sometimes I think I'm just too intelligent for a lot of things. Maybe I can't do organized religion b/c of being too smart to buy the contrary nature of it. I saw the hypocrisy of certain teachings back when I was a little kid. The generalized money grab is a big thing for me & it really bothers me in the academic context. Want to be a church I respect or regard? Try doing actual outreach for the poor & putting your money where your mouth is. Go do things locally to make people's lives better. Give non-judgmental guidance and advice. Then I'd be okay with giving you offering or "donations." Heck, maybe the performers & subway beggars could take lessons from this whole construct.
We may be familiar with religions in the Northeast having their beliefs and participation in faith contingent on your socioeconomic status. You have to pay for tickets to go to major religious services like Catholic Mass, you apparently can't be a nun if you don't have a perfect credit rating (per a story I read about this a few years back & shocked me) and I know there's more harassment toward people who don't have money to spend as it relates to religious stuff but I'm not an authority there so I can't speak on it.
What I can speak on is the money grabbing going on in Christianity, at least in the Southeastern US where I grew up. My adorable & smart nephew recently expressed an interest in going to a private Christian school; despite his family, like mine as a child, having no means they apparently don't quality for any financial aid despite him and his family passing a rigorous "are you holy enough?" test required to attend.
I still have reservations about my nephew going to a Christian school considering I went to a religious private school myself in my younger years along with my sister. For one thing, I've found those environments to be incredibly judgy & draconian. They also like to either ignore the principles of sex ed or make kids think you can get a girl pregnant by kissing. I think I actually made my sister promise to have meaningful sex ed talks with my nephew since I refuse to have him go to college thinking sex is shameful or that even thinking about kissing a girl will get her pregnant. That ilk loves to demonize sex & if I still followed that teaching, they'd have me shipped off to Hell despite my ex-husband choosing to throw me out and being emotionally abusive toward me. I really don't want to have to go to that arena or deal with that aspect of the Christian faith; the school I went to was also headed by a racist who is a far distant cousin of my mother's (he long since left but he outright said once he didn't want black students in "his school"--this was decades after the civil rights movement).
Ironically, my sister & I were borne of a legacy that permitted us to easily get into the religious private school we went to (our mother & grandmother attended the church associated with that school). I also learned one of the teachers from this school is teaching at the school my nephew is supposed to be going to; last I heard from my childhood best friend years back, his daughter (another classmate of ours) was teaching at the school we attended ages ago. I can tell you that chick definitely did not express Christian love or tolerance toward me considering she actually told me one day when we were 7 to "Go away! I don't like you." When you're 7, you just want to have friends & be liked. That bitch didn't help my social issues with the little worthless morons I had to attend school with in NC, whether it was a public or a private school. If I saw her today, I'd probably call her out on it if she had the nerve to try being nice to me.
But aside from this mass hypocrisy, which my nephew apparently hasn't experienced from these kids (and he's apparently a lot like me in personality & is being tested for Asperger's so if he has it, I very well might as well) is the idea of religion in general infusing the sleazy topic of coin. When my sister told me about this financial aid thing with the school (the reason we ended up not continuing in our private school--my mother couldn't afford tuition & these fucks didn't give a damn about my academic record or our being good kids or anything like that nor tried to do ANYTHING to help keep us there), I blew up & said that is a reason people get turned off to religion.
It's this idea that "We love you but only if you can afford to be here," like God's love is conditional on how much money you give to this school or religion & to Hell with whether you'll be able to pay for food or rent or electric this month. Never mind if you actually deserve it based on your grades or your intelligence--I expect that shit from some godless university but I don't expect it from some place that's supposed to be based on teaching God's word. Doesn't God's word tell us about using our gifts & helping the less fortunate and all that? Where the fuck are the scholarship programs for smart kids? Where is the true financial aid looking at people's actual income & expenses?
One thing positive I can say about my religious private school experience is that it was academically good. I didn't feel bored in my classes b/c of the work being too easy or slow for me. You couldn't be some moron & succeed there; the teachers there DID teach vs. babysitting thugs & tolerating disruption. I remember going to public school later on & my school was ahead of where they were in 4th grade.
They also had a policy of allowing the principal to smack misbehaving kids. I found out from my sister that this school my nephew will be going to also has this. I have no issue there since most principals don't spend enough time with individual students to develop preferences or hatred for them. Teachers certainly do & I think giving them corporal punishment privileges is a terrible idea since they'd end up beating a kid they hated & going easy on one they liked; we have enough problems with bullying teachers without them getting to do this. Yeah, I know I have a BA in Psych but some kids get zero discipline at home & if some parent wants to bitch about a school authority figure imposing some on the kid they refuse to set limits with I think that parent ought to be smacked (not in a sexual way). There's a big difference b/t reasonable & unreasonable authority and if some parent refuses to stand up for reasonable authority, they are raising a savage and condoning savagery.
How do we normally deal with savages in modern society? Okay, how did we deal with them before the PC Police whined & cried about mercy for animal torturers, pedophiles, rapists, terrorists, etc.? I'm talking being anti-death penalty, not directly saying "let's show mercy" to these people but you get the general idea. I feel if you act inhuman, then you don't get to have the cover of human rights. Just saying & I do like Donald Trump's idea on handling terrorism (among other BS going on in society).
I also know what my nephew experienced in public school & I like the idea of a place where adults don't tolerate that type of fuckery from little redneck brats who'll never rise to the heights my nephew could get to since they are from bigger rednecks with zero respect for things outside their little bubble. Yeah, it's totally classist but I'm probably right. Most of the kids I went to school with in NC aren't Ivy League graduates or Nobel Prize winners or presidential candidates. Many stayed in the same town & merely had kids (who I hope they aren't trying to force to do things they never got to do since that's wrong)-- not the path that would have suited me or made me a fulfilled person.
I think some of those same people would have gotten pissed at me if I'd stayed in my hometown & done that, probably going into a speech like the one Ben Affleck gave to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting where Will wants to ignore his mathematical genius & stay in South Boston with his friend and the people he knows. His best friend tells him if he doesn't leave, he will personally kick his ass b/c he'd be throwing away an opportunity the rest of them will never get.
We already see this notion of "a dumbfuck with money can be a doctor or lawyer while a smart kid with no money has to stick it out in the trailer park" in colleges & other corners of society. Why the HELL are we seeing it in the one place that proclaims "blessed are the poor?" Religion is one of those things Obama claimed uneducated, poor people cling to b/c they have nothing else going for them in life.
I take a lot of issue with that & it's probably a major reason I don't follow a faith even though I believe God exists and there's punishment for wronging innocent people. Maybe I view it as a betrayal? It's just one of the many hypocrisies I've seen in the Christian faith & sorry, I don't care to belong to some club whose value of me as a human being is conditional to how much money I have to hand over. Lots of people in my college bitched about sororities b/c they viewed joining one as "buying friends." How is the money grab in religions NOT "buying God's favor" or "buying religious fellowship?" Care to explain that one to me?
And if we're going to talk about helping the church/entity be financially solvent, what about all those tax breaks they're supposed to be getting & non-profit perks? And what about me having the time to decide for myself if that church/entity is one that I care about enough to determine if I want to give them anything? There are some corrupt bastards out there, including plenty of Christian churches were pastors were raping children, raping women, stealing from the church and doing other scuzzy things the average Atheist, Pagan, Satanist, other religious faith fundie Christians deem "scary" would be against.
Sometimes I think I'm just too intelligent for a lot of things. Maybe I can't do organized religion b/c of being too smart to buy the contrary nature of it. I saw the hypocrisy of certain teachings back when I was a little kid. The generalized money grab is a big thing for me & it really bothers me in the academic context. Want to be a church I respect or regard? Try doing actual outreach for the poor & putting your money where your mouth is. Go do things locally to make people's lives better. Give non-judgmental guidance and advice. Then I'd be okay with giving you offering or "donations." Heck, maybe the performers & subway beggars could take lessons from this whole construct.
Friday, October 30, 2015
Professionalism Begets Professionalism
Yes, this is 100% true. If you want people to be professional with you, you'd best be acting that way yourself. Otherwise, you have zero right to complain about anyone else's behavior. That is the essence of "professionalism begets professionalism."
While I love modeling & being in shows and have generally found a great community in the world of fashion there is a staggering mass of people on both sides of the table who do not have that simple concept mastered. Nor have they mastered the concept of strategic thinking & not harming your own self-interest.
First off, most people doing fashion shows and the like are working for free. Even if you are dealing with major shows, this is not something to make a living off of. I heard a model who'd been in this industry for decades outright tell this to aspiring models I'd met at random one day & my attorney suggested I go network with during Fashion Week. I did. These people were extremely nice to me. The models themselves were awesome & far braver than I with some of the outfits they were having to wear in the middle of our NYC with many passerby gawking and making comments.
I'm from the indie film world. The custom in that world is if you're doing a web series or a film or some other project where you aren't paying the actors, you make sure to compensate them & appreciate them for their time in other ways. You get good craft services, good meals for breaks, an extremely pleasant and congenial working environment, travel costs, things that make people want to work with you & not feel like they wasted their time or "I blew my Saturday for THIS?!?!?!" You give your team plenty of notice for scheduling & you do not keep actors on set longer than absolutely necessary nor expect people to drop everything for your project. Some producers also give key actors a share of the project if they are playing major roles, helping connect the project to financing or getting into some great film festival that will yield exposure, possible distribution, that kind of thing.
That sort of thing is rare in the fashion world. Often, you don't get food & getting paid is atypical. You might get a piece from the designer or sometimes you'll get fed or have a chance to get food but some people just don't get that tradition or concept of not pissing folks off or making them say "Why the hell am I here?!?!?" Respect of people's time is at times utterly laughable & definitely don't expect a show to start on time. That almost never happens.
Granted, there are film productions that start late or run for an endless amount of time (that is less likely in fashion shows) but anyone who's been to shows will tell you that unless there's someone who's really on top of things, hard core clock watching or there's some other event after the show that starts at X time on the dot & you must be done by then, the show will be running late.
I feel like most designers & people handling shows are aware of this reality and appreciate the models/hair stylists/makeup artists/so on & so forth who participate. The good ones are super appreciative, either b/c they came from the same tradition I did, they see themselves as professionals in this arena or have professional day jobs that ingrain those values into your skull. The ones who don't & have the audacity to expect people to drop everything are seriously delusional in my mind.
One person I worked with said models had to "be on call like doctors." Well, when you're paying that model a doctor's salary to be "on call" I'm sure (s)he will be more than happy to oblige. If you expect them to do that for free, you are living in a fantasy world & are not going to attract the cream of the crop. Take it from a partner in an indie film company who knows a number of producers & has seen how things work when you don't have the money to pay someone. Passion & interest in the project only get you so far in terms of someone's motivation & where you fall on the priority list. You could have the next great project but if you aren't paying people for it or even offering deferred pay (or worse, you are not covering supplies, travel, etc. & making the person PAY to work for you), you aren't going to be #1. You may not even be #5 if that person's got a spouse, kids, their own career outside entertainment, etc. Also, no one likes feeling like a chump & everyone's got a limit to their altruism.
I know one argument is "that's how the industry is & has always been." Well, internships have been a thing in entertainment a long time as well but we have legal precedent now cracking down on abusive practices like making people work full time hours for no pay. The whole internship concept is changing b/c of the rulings in these cases. Plus, as any long time reader knows, tradition for tradition's sake is not an argument that impresses me. I consider it lazy & devoid of simple reason or common sense. It's the excuse offered for hazing in the Greek system, slavery, segregation and other bad things society shouldn't be encouraging or offering silent acceptance for.
Second, most models don't have professional jobs. In particular, most aren't attorneys in their day jobs. Even fewer are entertainment attorneys like I am. It seems some people view this as a license to treat models like crap.
In my case, that's a fatal mistake. Attorney Monica & Film Exec Monica don't shut off or forget what happened to Model Monica or Actress Monica or Writer Monica or Singer Monica; I don't have split personalities that don't remember what happened to the other ones. I've got a damn good memory & if you were nasty to me in a fashion show or any other creative context, do you honestly think I'm going to bother helping YOU when you inevitably want my legal services or my referral to an entertainment attorney? Do you think you're getting anywhere in working with my company if you're being an ass to me? Do you think you're going to have more cred than an entertainment attorney doing all the stuff I do, where people know me from these worlds & respect what I have to say along with me the individual (put like or dislike aside)? A smart person knows you don't alienate the entertainment attorney, especially the one closest in proximity who's more likely to be accessible to you. Attorneys are a major marker of difference b/t someone being an amateur or hobbyist in entertainment & someone being a professional. Oh, and if you're going to work professionally in any aspect of entertainment, you WILL need an attorney sooner or later. Major companies aren't talking to you without you having some representation & many have specifically asked to speak to attorneys (potential clients & other creative contacts have told me this outright).
I personally am not a masochist or the type who likes having more stress in her life. If I don't like someone, no way am I lifting a finger for them. In fact, I'd not piss on you if you were on fire if I didn't like you but you have to do something extremely egregious to get on my bad side. Something that if I told the average person, (s)he would say "What the hell?!" I might be the most prominent Undercover Boss to work on the creative side since blending in is impossible for me.
Third, it seems that adage "you never know who knows who" hasn't gotten around to the world of fashion in a global sense. It's ingrained in your skull if you do acting. Yet I have seen some egregious behavior & gotten some attitude from certain jerks. I absolutely remember those pricks & no way in hell would I do for them.
They've established that they are not part of that community or MY allies so they aren't worthy of my extra effort. People who do respect that community, who I like or at least haven't had outright disrespect from are more likely to have me care about their success or at least listen to a respectful request. Film & TV people hold grudges and you can get permanently blacklisted there; I've heard countless stories & worked with people who did it since they have no time for that stress or hassle. I do it with everyone in all aspects of life but I'm outright shocked when I see someone being nasty to me.
For one thing, how would you treat my non-lawyer colleagues? For another, I'm a natural redhead. Do you not follow popular culture & stories on natural redheads? We're known for having tempers & not being the people to mess with. I'm also more quiet in life; aren't you aware about how they say "it's always the quiet ones" when some mass murder or other major violent event happens? Very surprised there's never been a story about a guy getting his penis chopped off at the hands of a naturally redhaired woman. I'm a redhead so I get to say this but society would suspect us of that stuff long before anyone else. Not to mention I seem to give off an air of authority or responsibility or something. Everyone tells me I'm smart within 15 minutes of a conversation if not sooner. It's kind of freaky.
Because you never know who's friends with who or who you're dealing with & everyone deserves basic human dignity unless they prove otherwise, I don't start with nastiness as my default. I can at least be civil, as we all can manage. Not nice, but not insulting people or treating them like garbage unwarranted or implying they have no right to be there. Professional, you can call it. If you can't manage that, then I have to wonder what you're doing in mainstream society.
I may not outright say "fuck you" but a professional doesn't have to. I merely wait for the inevitable moment the light bulb goes off in your head, knowing I will get the last laugh. Professionals also tell their colleagues so their colleagues aren't having to deal with the same shit. So that light bulb may be going off after you've shot yourself in the foot. Perhaps I've also gotten more mature in the face of the living hell I've had to endure the past 2-3 years.
So before you whine about other people not being professional or bailing on things, take a look at yourself: Are you paying these people? Are you expecting them to drop everything like they live exclusively to serve you & your whims? Are you showing up on time & prepared? Do you treat everyone with respect & stand by your people? Do you create a climate of fairness or do you tolerate or silently condone unprofessional behavior? Whose backs do you have? People who know the business can tell quickly who is or isn't professional, who is worth dealing with & who isn't. It's a TEAM effort so having unrealistic demands or being an asshole are things you do at your own peril. "It's your funeral," as they say.
While I love modeling & being in shows and have generally found a great community in the world of fashion there is a staggering mass of people on both sides of the table who do not have that simple concept mastered. Nor have they mastered the concept of strategic thinking & not harming your own self-interest.
First off, most people doing fashion shows and the like are working for free. Even if you are dealing with major shows, this is not something to make a living off of. I heard a model who'd been in this industry for decades outright tell this to aspiring models I'd met at random one day & my attorney suggested I go network with during Fashion Week. I did. These people were extremely nice to me. The models themselves were awesome & far braver than I with some of the outfits they were having to wear in the middle of our NYC with many passerby gawking and making comments.
I'm from the indie film world. The custom in that world is if you're doing a web series or a film or some other project where you aren't paying the actors, you make sure to compensate them & appreciate them for their time in other ways. You get good craft services, good meals for breaks, an extremely pleasant and congenial working environment, travel costs, things that make people want to work with you & not feel like they wasted their time or "I blew my Saturday for THIS?!?!?!" You give your team plenty of notice for scheduling & you do not keep actors on set longer than absolutely necessary nor expect people to drop everything for your project. Some producers also give key actors a share of the project if they are playing major roles, helping connect the project to financing or getting into some great film festival that will yield exposure, possible distribution, that kind of thing.
That sort of thing is rare in the fashion world. Often, you don't get food & getting paid is atypical. You might get a piece from the designer or sometimes you'll get fed or have a chance to get food but some people just don't get that tradition or concept of not pissing folks off or making them say "Why the hell am I here?!?!?" Respect of people's time is at times utterly laughable & definitely don't expect a show to start on time. That almost never happens.
Granted, there are film productions that start late or run for an endless amount of time (that is less likely in fashion shows) but anyone who's been to shows will tell you that unless there's someone who's really on top of things, hard core clock watching or there's some other event after the show that starts at X time on the dot & you must be done by then, the show will be running late.
I feel like most designers & people handling shows are aware of this reality and appreciate the models/hair stylists/makeup artists/so on & so forth who participate. The good ones are super appreciative, either b/c they came from the same tradition I did, they see themselves as professionals in this arena or have professional day jobs that ingrain those values into your skull. The ones who don't & have the audacity to expect people to drop everything are seriously delusional in my mind.
One person I worked with said models had to "be on call like doctors." Well, when you're paying that model a doctor's salary to be "on call" I'm sure (s)he will be more than happy to oblige. If you expect them to do that for free, you are living in a fantasy world & are not going to attract the cream of the crop. Take it from a partner in an indie film company who knows a number of producers & has seen how things work when you don't have the money to pay someone. Passion & interest in the project only get you so far in terms of someone's motivation & where you fall on the priority list. You could have the next great project but if you aren't paying people for it or even offering deferred pay (or worse, you are not covering supplies, travel, etc. & making the person PAY to work for you), you aren't going to be #1. You may not even be #5 if that person's got a spouse, kids, their own career outside entertainment, etc. Also, no one likes feeling like a chump & everyone's got a limit to their altruism.
I know one argument is "that's how the industry is & has always been." Well, internships have been a thing in entertainment a long time as well but we have legal precedent now cracking down on abusive practices like making people work full time hours for no pay. The whole internship concept is changing b/c of the rulings in these cases. Plus, as any long time reader knows, tradition for tradition's sake is not an argument that impresses me. I consider it lazy & devoid of simple reason or common sense. It's the excuse offered for hazing in the Greek system, slavery, segregation and other bad things society shouldn't be encouraging or offering silent acceptance for.
Second, most models don't have professional jobs. In particular, most aren't attorneys in their day jobs. Even fewer are entertainment attorneys like I am. It seems some people view this as a license to treat models like crap.
In my case, that's a fatal mistake. Attorney Monica & Film Exec Monica don't shut off or forget what happened to Model Monica or Actress Monica or Writer Monica or Singer Monica; I don't have split personalities that don't remember what happened to the other ones. I've got a damn good memory & if you were nasty to me in a fashion show or any other creative context, do you honestly think I'm going to bother helping YOU when you inevitably want my legal services or my referral to an entertainment attorney? Do you think you're getting anywhere in working with my company if you're being an ass to me? Do you think you're going to have more cred than an entertainment attorney doing all the stuff I do, where people know me from these worlds & respect what I have to say along with me the individual (put like or dislike aside)? A smart person knows you don't alienate the entertainment attorney, especially the one closest in proximity who's more likely to be accessible to you. Attorneys are a major marker of difference b/t someone being an amateur or hobbyist in entertainment & someone being a professional. Oh, and if you're going to work professionally in any aspect of entertainment, you WILL need an attorney sooner or later. Major companies aren't talking to you without you having some representation & many have specifically asked to speak to attorneys (potential clients & other creative contacts have told me this outright).
I personally am not a masochist or the type who likes having more stress in her life. If I don't like someone, no way am I lifting a finger for them. In fact, I'd not piss on you if you were on fire if I didn't like you but you have to do something extremely egregious to get on my bad side. Something that if I told the average person, (s)he would say "What the hell?!" I might be the most prominent Undercover Boss to work on the creative side since blending in is impossible for me.
Third, it seems that adage "you never know who knows who" hasn't gotten around to the world of fashion in a global sense. It's ingrained in your skull if you do acting. Yet I have seen some egregious behavior & gotten some attitude from certain jerks. I absolutely remember those pricks & no way in hell would I do for them.
They've established that they are not part of that community or MY allies so they aren't worthy of my extra effort. People who do respect that community, who I like or at least haven't had outright disrespect from are more likely to have me care about their success or at least listen to a respectful request. Film & TV people hold grudges and you can get permanently blacklisted there; I've heard countless stories & worked with people who did it since they have no time for that stress or hassle. I do it with everyone in all aspects of life but I'm outright shocked when I see someone being nasty to me.
For one thing, how would you treat my non-lawyer colleagues? For another, I'm a natural redhead. Do you not follow popular culture & stories on natural redheads? We're known for having tempers & not being the people to mess with. I'm also more quiet in life; aren't you aware about how they say "it's always the quiet ones" when some mass murder or other major violent event happens? Very surprised there's never been a story about a guy getting his penis chopped off at the hands of a naturally redhaired woman. I'm a redhead so I get to say this but society would suspect us of that stuff long before anyone else. Not to mention I seem to give off an air of authority or responsibility or something. Everyone tells me I'm smart within 15 minutes of a conversation if not sooner. It's kind of freaky.
Because you never know who's friends with who or who you're dealing with & everyone deserves basic human dignity unless they prove otherwise, I don't start with nastiness as my default. I can at least be civil, as we all can manage. Not nice, but not insulting people or treating them like garbage unwarranted or implying they have no right to be there. Professional, you can call it. If you can't manage that, then I have to wonder what you're doing in mainstream society.
I may not outright say "fuck you" but a professional doesn't have to. I merely wait for the inevitable moment the light bulb goes off in your head, knowing I will get the last laugh. Professionals also tell their colleagues so their colleagues aren't having to deal with the same shit. So that light bulb may be going off after you've shot yourself in the foot. Perhaps I've also gotten more mature in the face of the living hell I've had to endure the past 2-3 years.
So before you whine about other people not being professional or bailing on things, take a look at yourself: Are you paying these people? Are you expecting them to drop everything like they live exclusively to serve you & your whims? Are you showing up on time & prepared? Do you treat everyone with respect & stand by your people? Do you create a climate of fairness or do you tolerate or silently condone unprofessional behavior? Whose backs do you have? People who know the business can tell quickly who is or isn't professional, who is worth dealing with & who isn't. It's a TEAM effort so having unrealistic demands or being an asshole are things you do at your own peril. "It's your funeral," as they say.
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