Saturday, July 6, 2013

The Question Guaranteed To Piss Off a Guy Who Approaches Women

On the 4th, I went to the Liberty Belle Spectacular again with my husband. This year, at the news of massively hot temperatures and a second venue falling through at the last minute, I chose to dress for my comfort vs. dressing in the desired dress code for the event. I had a cute dress I could have worn fitting the dress code but since I hate sweating like a pig & having it all ruin clothes I'd have to dry clean (not to mention causing painful zits on my person), I opted for a short skirt & this pink halter top I got from a relative who didn't want it.

Since my modeling debut, I've carried the idea of not letting society shame me for having a figure & remembered what my one "arrogant" friend said about having self-confidence. I'm sure people who know me well have picked up on it. For pure sport I've gotten on subways, looked around, sometimes noticed a particular guy and thought to myself "I could make that guy want me." For me, a lot of things have been more of a "because I can" instead of a "because I want to" thing.

I go to this event and the main MC actually called out my cuteness publicly (according to my husband, at least); note that I don't actually know this MC personally though I do know a producer of the show. I happened to be the redhead closest to his eye line, was near the bar & had on what I had on so my husband could very well be right about this; I saw a redhead behind me who was dressed vintage so I'm not 100% sure if he was speaking of her or me. I had to wear my hair massively up (as in, none of it hitting my back) so I wouldn't get a sweaty neck or scalp. Let me tell you, it stinks having to shake my hair out when I get someplace semi-cool so I don't feel like I'm dying & sticky.

Apparently, I'm still hot when my hair's way up in light of this & some guy approaching me last night at karaoke despite my husband walking up and talking to me. This other guy didn't move despite me talking to my husband; what the hell, huh?

However, that guy wasn't pissing me off or being crude toward me or I would have done something that seems to be the equivalent of throwing acid on a guy: asking him if he's gay.

No, shit! I do think asking a guy you don't know that question is the equivalent of throwing acid in the guy's face. While I was at the Liberty Belle Spectacular, I overheard this girl ask a guy this question. He had an accent & I also heard him talking about masturbation later on.

Just as what happened when I saw this in law school, that guy got really pissy and belligerent over that question. It also reminded me of a funny evening I had in law school.

It was the first year I lived in Connecticut and I was going out after class with my law school roommate & another classmate for my birthday (both female; it's relevant to this story). I was partially depressed since I figured I'd be all alone for it & likely heard my mom say "Well, if you were living down here we'd do stuff for you but you live up there so you're out of luck."

So we were driving into this bar to hang out & at one point, I was turning my car around to get a parking space further up. I was attempting to turn around on this hilled driveway.

Because it had been snowing a lot around that time (mid-January; I got a trial by fire that year in moving from Hotlanta to winter in Connecticut), there was snow and ice around. One of my back car tires got stuck as I was trying to do a 3 point turn to turn around. Freaking out, I start panicking since I'm blocking this roadway.

I was convinced I'd need to call a tow truck and pay money to get this car out when all of a sudden, this guy who was definitely older than us shows up and comes to the rescue. My car is out, I can park it, we go in and all hang out together that evening.

I had no romantic interest in this guy. Not exactly sure why but he wasn't really my type & I didn't feel any sparks. We were all single at that time but I likely was still adjusting to moving and life up there. I'd just moved into my apartment maybe a week before that & was gathering my bearings; I had my own flings and such later on.

However, it turns out my roommate & that classmate did have interest in this guy. I didn't learn about my roommate's interest until later but my classmate was a little more obvious that evening. In what I think was an attempt at gentle flirtation, she asks my rescuer if he's gay.

After this, you'd have thought someone threw acid at him or kicked him in the nuts with the way he answered that one. You could feel the air between them getting more hostile after that one. His tone was still a little light but I could tell that it wasn't a question he appreciated being asked.

When I heard this conversation on Thursday & saw that guy reacting in a similar fashion, it made me wonder if this is some universal response for straight men if they're talking to some woman for the first time and she asks that one. Granted, I don't know if this other woman & this guy knew each other already but if you're friends with someone you usually don't have to ask publicly like that. Or if you do, the guy knows you're fucking with him & will play along with you (or get pissed at you for ruining his opportunity with some woman he's trying to get with but that's another story). I asked my husband about that & he says it is indeed a universal response.

Honestly, I haven't seen men asking women if they're gay in casual conversation. None ever asked me anyway & I'm sure if my friends had gotten that one, I'd have heard about it. Never saw any of my sorority sisters get that one either.

I'm not sure how a woman would react if you asked if she was gay. I don't feel like it would be the equivalent of throwing acid on one if you did, though. I think a woman you talked to for the first time would be more upset if you called her fat (though some of us are self-aware) or started obviously leering at some other girl while you talked to her (though if it were me & I was single, I would find a better looking guy & start checking him out so I could beat you at your own game) or told her you required all your women to engage in threesomes with other girls.

I've still not really figured out exactly what is the verbal equivalent of throwing acid on us that holds true for all straight women just like asking a random guy if he's gay seems to be. Does anyone have ideas?

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