Applying for Public Assistance: A Lawyer's Journey

At some point in a messy divorce where your ex has stolen all the marital assets & decided to toss you out like garbage, you reach a point of last resort. You realize that you're going to have to do certain things to take care of yourself. One of those things you may choose to do is apply for public assistance i.e. welfare. I choose to call it public assistance since I am not a victim, do not seek to be on anyone's dime for the rest of my life & if you call me lazy, I'll punch your pampered little face so hard you'll never look normal again.

As you read this, think about your assumptions concerning public assistance & welfare. Now put those aside & look at reality.

Do you think a lawyer would never be put in this position? I suggest you take your head out of your ass & join us in the real world where the legal employment market is known for being "terrible" by those in the know i.e. people doing the actual job hunting and looking at ads. The ones who weren't born to money or bought their way into a high class rank or T1 law school.

My reasons for applying were numerous & one of them included actual need. The application process is not a bad thing. They put me in their Back 2 Work program & I even said that was fine since it's not that I don't want to work. Read that statement again if you are one of my nosy haters: I have no issue at all with working itself.

What I have an issue with is doing work that makes me feel degraded, demeaned, utilizes none of my actual skills & is simply a waste of my time due to salary, intelligence, workplace atmosphere, that type of thing. Would YOU do work fitting that category? If so, you are a damn idiot.

I am also not a person who responds to being treated like a 6 year old or like some victim you get to terrorize. This is true for just about everyone but doubly so if you're dealing with an intelligent person. In about 2 seconds of meeting me, everyone always tells me I'm smart and pretty.

When I started out, I figured the process would be degrading and humiliating. I expected obscene bureaucracy, rudness at every corner, no rational human beings for miles, nannying on a regular basis, that kind of thing.

The applying process itself & the Back 2 Work program process wasn't bad in my opinion. Yes, you should bring something to do & ideally either have something not based on power like a smartphone or an external charger so if your phone dies, you can charge it without needing a working outlet. I've spent much of my time writing and doing a word search puzzle book. Writing is a good catharsis for me but I need a huge one today.

The people I've dealt with at the Back 2 Work center get it. They get that some of us are smart, that aspects of the program aren't addressing our needs & we aren't benefited by customer service training or food handling certifications. I have 7 years of retail from high school & college. I am a partner in a business. I could teach a class on customer service skills; I am the last person who needs training in that.

I weigh 105 pounds & can lift about 20 without killing myself. Not the person you ask to do a heavy lifting job.

I am not mechanically inclined, am terrified of most insects, have sensitivity to strong odors & will likely throw up if I'm around something rank, have zero maintenance/manual labor experience (it's beneath my first jobs even off the books) and am probably the last person who should be doing that type of work. Not to mention I was told outright by someone who had me doing such tasks that I "am not a housekeeper."

Who would want to supervise someone who is so incompetent, ill equipped and just disinterested in such tasks? In what universe would putting someone like that in such a job be a good idea for anyone involved?

I'd heard clerical was a possibility which is not something I'd object to doing for public assistance benefits but I AM a licensed attorney.

NY state recently instituted a 50 hour pro bono requirement for all new attorneys. There's been all this talk about the accessibility gap due to attorney fees vs. potential clients. AND there's an overage of attorneys.

So if an attorney is on public assistance & has to work in order to receive them as required by the state, why in the Hell is that attorney NOT being assigned to work as an attorney in the court house or for a legal aid organization or for some private legal services group like the bar associations or some other program? Why are taxpayer funds being spent toward an attorney, licensed by the very same state instituting this work requirement, picking up garbage, doing maintenance tasks or even doing a clerical position having zero to do with that attorney's license to practice?

I know we don't have a surplus of public interest attorneys; you hear NOTHING about public interest work except how there are shortages & these organizations would love the help but don't have the salary to pay people.

Why is the state not doing something about this immediately? Let me also note some of these public interest jobs aren't exactly glamorous or things many attorneys really want to do. I'd actually not mind doing it since I come from a lower income world & now that I'm doing this experience, will be a far better public interest attorney than anyone else since I'll have actually LIVED it + could give someone practical tips about the process that most attorneys won't have a clue about. I also feel better helping others & it will give me perspective about my own troubles.

Who the hell came up with this gross misallocation of resources or thinks it's a good idea? Not a single person I have spoken to about this at the job center or at HRA thought it made sense. Not a single person who's actually listened when I presented this said "Yeah, we should waste everyone's time and resources in this way."

Who are these higher ups, these changemakers I should talk to about this? I want to know. The Task Force to Expand Access to Civil Legal Services hasn't bothered contacting me so I don't think they really give a shit about helping the underserved or putting legal service providers in touch with them.

The bar association presidents I have contacted in Manhattan do not give a shit about attorneys who can't afford their licensing fees or people being on public assistance. There is no legal "community" at all in my eyes & you have to wonder why any attorney would waste their time paying dues to an organization that will invest in fancy buildings and expensive parties but won't even create a fund for those attorneys down on their luck for whatever reason: drug/alcohol addiction, health concerns or simply marrying a total asshole who ripped the rug out from under you during a very hard time in your life.

That, if you have a shred of reading comprehension or common sense, should fucking explain in no uncertain terms why I feel there is ZERO legal community & think it's a total crock to hear anyone use that phrase.

Meanwhile, the people I have dealt with in this time have been kind and sympathetic to my situation vs. being the type of asshole trying to make you feel worse or throw you under the bus. I have also talked to people at this job center to find that apparently I am not the only person being underserved here or getting assigned to do tasks she has no aptitude, experience or interest in.

However, I might be the only person with enough bees in her bonnet and anger coursing through her to go make a huge public stink & attack the issue with the same gusto and verve that I used in dealing with other seemingly impossible fights other people wouldn't have taken on. I might be the only lady with a track record of fighting arbitrary, unfair policies imposing what I consider undue harm unto me. People hearing about that history never question why I'm an attorney.

As I've said before, I consider prostitution and stripping less degrading for me than doing manual labor. At least there I'd make real money & use some actual skills I have vs. doing something I not only hate with every fiber of my being but am not even good at.

If I joined the military, I wouldn't be doing front line infantry grunt work. They'd put me in JAG. The military knows that people aren't going to give their all or bother with something they are ill-suited for or think is beneath them. Why doesn't NY state or any other place with such ridiculousness get that?

Do I think manual labor is beneath me? Yes, I do. Ask any attorney whether they'd give up their legal job to work as a housekeeper or do custodial work for strangers at the average rate of pay for those jobs. I'm pretty sure zero would do that.

Ask any retail sales associate if they'd give up their retail job to work as a housekeeper or do custodial work for strangers at the average rate of pay for those jobs. I'm sure you'd get the same answer.

Just for the record, not MY fault or MY actions that caused all this. Look to my deadbeat soon to be ex-husband if you want to find fault here. If you think I planned or caused this shit, then you are a pampered, spoiled, piece of garbage who's never lived & deserves whatever karma feeds to them. I want you to suffer on the level of Job if you dare to assign blame to me or judge me in any fashion over what I have to do in order to survive and not let my shitty ex-husband or his relatives take everything I worked for away from me. I may not be religious but I do know my Baptist faith, thank you very much.

What the Holy Fuck?!?! Craig's List Ads, Part 4

This is mostly the shitty businesses & law firms edition though one of these is an "I can't believe someone wrote THAT." Oh, here goes:

paralegal / attorney (lwr manhat)
Date: 2012-05-07, 6:31AM EDT

Reply to: kpjt3-2993555389@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

minority ssolo needs a paralegal / attorney to draft motions / pleadings / research, reply with your areas of experience

Location: lwr manhat
it's ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 2993555389

I felt compelled to respond to this. Here's what I said:

Do you mention being a "minority ssolo" b/c I'm supposed to feel sorry for you? How is that detail in any way relevant to this type of work?

Writer also doesn't = attorney or even paralegal. Too many people post those ads there thinking they can pay a professional, licensed individual like an attorney the same rate they'd pay a Wal-Mart cashier or a minimum wage worker. If they don't want to pay market rates, maybe they should be asking that Wal-Mart cashier to do the work. It's unauthorized practice of law but seems these cheapskates don't really care about being professionals anyhow.

I also have zero sympathy for someone offering "no pay" for this kind of work. Plenty of solos have to do things THEMSELVES & don't expect total strangers to serve as slave labor. Maybe you should get off this "minority" thing, offer a fair wage (or at the very least travel expenses) & maybe then you'd be taken seriously. Otherwise, expect derision & anger from strangers who don't care about your practice + have their own bills to pay.

Don't forget that you get what you pay for & quality costs money.

Do you think my company posts ads for jobs touting women & minority ownership or mentions the ethnicity of the CEO, COO or other members of the leadership team? I don't think that's relevant unless your company's projects relate to that in some way. A law firm should NEVER post an ad like this, misspellings aside.

Seeing this in an ad in such a fashion feels to me like you're trying to get freebies & favors b/c of your minority status. Don't we have enough problems with negative stereotypes & things like affirmative action without people doing this to themselves? I don't personally need a handout, thank you. I also don't have a high opinion of others who beg for them when I know so many worse off individuals who never asked for a thing from anyone or had an entitlement complex because of their life circumstances.

Now, let's talk about the people with unrealistic expectations who are couching slave labor as internships. A prime example:

Graphic Design Intern (West Village)

Date: 2012-06-27, 5:58PM EDT
Reply to: fmpjb-3105241104@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

LOOKING FOR AN AMAZING GRAPHIC DESIGN INTERN. Need a simple logo and business card design for an amazing company! Also need flyers designed. Send your portfolio, references and a resume. Tell me why you are out of the box.

Potential growth and future projects available. Tell me what your about. And How I can help! :)

Can work from home. MUST BE ORGANIZED, ATTENTION TO DETAIL and MEET DEADLINES.

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: no pay

PostingID: 3105241104

I also responded to this asshole. Here's what I said:

So, you want a portfolio & references from an INTERN and have no words about teaching anybody ANYTHING. And you have the gall to demand "ORGANIZED, ATTENTION TO DETAIL and MEET DEADLINES?!?!"

This just sounds like you want a slave.

How about paying a PROFESSIONAL designer a market rate? Creativity in this arena has a value & it does have a price just like any other skill. Would YOU want to do this for some company where you will not receive a damn thing or even equity? No?

Then go fuck yourself & either pay a professional a fair wage or do it yourself! You get what you pay for & Craig's List strangers do NOT give a shit about you or your problems.

And, no I as a stranger do NOT care about your business or your problems. I've got plenty of my own & so does everybody else on this planet. Before I care, you're going to have to actually be nice to me. Or (gasp!) treat me with some basic respect. That goes for plenty of other people as well but especially me.

Who wants to bet these jerk-offs have no friends? If they did, they sure wouldn't post ads on Craig's List gigs & jobs sections asking for freebies. A friend might actually take pity on you & do it or give you a good deal.

Then, more lawyer/law firm fails. Here you go:

LAW STUDENT INTERNSHIP (Midtown)Date: 2012-06-07, 10:15AM EDT

Reply to: ntvpj-3062816424@job.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

Well known midtown law firm seeks an intern for its litigation department. Interns at our firm will learn all about litigation in New York through hands on experience. You will NOT be filing or making photocopies! Our firm's areas of practice are employment law, personal injury, real estate, medical litigation. Each intern will have the opportunity to attend depositions, court proceedings, and even trials. Although it is an unpaid position, you will gain real legal experience. This is a true learning experience!

Hours M-F 10-4:30

Please email resume and be ready to interview and start immediately!

Compensation: Unpaid
This is an internship job
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 3062816424

Here's what I said in response:

I think you're full of shit when you claim to practice employment law & when you claim to be a "well known midtown law firm." Are you well known for VIOLATING labor laws since that's what you're doing with this ad?

Add up the hours you list: that's 32 & 1/2 hours a WEEK. That's NOT an "internship," that's a cheap exploitation attempt. Most internships are about 20 hours a week. Even law schools don't allow students to work that many hours during the school year. I also see NOTHING about school credit or even travel reimbursement.

Do you think that because you're some "well known" firm that you are exempt from state & federal labor laws? Do any of your managing attorneys even HAVE licensing in NY state because this sounds like an ethics violation to me. Go read up on the attorney ethics rules & how attorneys don't get to violate state or federal laws.

Here's hoping you get shut down real quick. If you can't afford travel reimbursement or to take on multiple interns to avoid violating the law & their abilities to make a living (most law students don't live in dorms or have trust funds), don't waste the time of Craig's List readers posting such insulting crap like this. I'm surprised you don't also require the intern to shine your shoes & wax your cars considering the hours are tantamount to slavery. Oh, and you may want to consider the fact that business owners DO read things & are taking notes on how companies treat their staff. After all, if this is how you treat your prospective staff, I'd sure as hell not want to be your client.

The next law firm fail (these only get worse):

LAW STUDENT SUMMER INTERNS WANTED (Williamsburg, Brooklyn)
Date: 2012-07-08, 7:03PM EDT
Reply to: hgt7m-3126909185@job.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

A litigation law firm located in Brooklyn seeks 2 summer interns, who are current law school students. This internship is unpaid. Full time preferred. Interview this week and start immediately.

Excellent learning opportunity and many interesting projects to work on. Most work involves legal research and writing briefs for motions.

Please send an email with the following:

1. SUMMER INTERN APPLICANT in the subject line.
2. Say what year you're in law school.
3. Say your current law school GPA
4. Say whether you're on a journal or moot court
5. Give reason why you have not been employed this summer prior to employment, and if employed or otherwise doing something now, explain.
6. State your availability to start, whether you can work full time, and your last day of availability this summer.
7. Relay your relevant experience that could help you handling assigned tasks when it comes to NY/NJ civil litigation.
8. Attach PDF documents of your resume and cover letter with the above information.


Location: Williamsburg, Brooklyn
Compensation: Unpaid
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
PostingID: 3126909185

My response:

Wow, it seems your law firm is run by hipsters living off a trust fund. You also aren't very bright considering full time internships are illegal under state & federal labor laws. Oh, and the department of labor has been cracking down locally & nationally on employers doing illegal internships.

You DO know that the ethics rules bar attorneys from engaging in unethical conduct such as breaking the law. How do you think some full time intern is going to pay bills & eat? How will they even get there when I see ZERO mention of reimbursement for travel nor anything for clothing costs or dry cleaning since I'll bet you don't let people show up in shorts & T-shirts (items that can be washed in a machine)? Student loans don't cover living expenses in the summer; are you just looking for trust fund babies or people leeching off Mommy & Daddy?

My job is about a million times more interesting than I'm sure most of your cases are but I don't have the balls or the temerity to hire someone to be a FULL TIME intern & make that person PAY $100+ a month to work for me. Maybe I also have more ethics & care about my karma; clearly you don't.

I hope you get reported to the state bar for this & that you get what's coming to you for this garbage. I'm sure your little trust funding leeches will be wonderfully productive workers who exhibit loyalty to you; except they'll probably have zero work ethic & not give a damn. After all, why should they? Would YOU give a damn about this offer?

Would YOU be willing to do this? If not, get your head out of your ass & come back down to Earth.

Signed, A Lawyer Who Isn't an Egotistical Prick

I couldn't resist calling them hipsters because of the Williamsburg thing. It also seems like something a hipster would do, considering there is that company selling "Bottled Brooklyn."

Then, I read this ad:

NYC Law Firm Seeks Law Student for PT/FT Internship (get experience!) (Downtown)

Date: 2012-07-10, 11:58AM EDT
Reply to: xjb6p-3130301856@job.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


New York City based law firm seeks a motivated law student intern to help with day-to-day tasks. We are a young, growing firm with offices in Downtown Manhattan and Brooklyn. The practice is geared towards civil litigation and debt relief. This position will offer you the opportunity to learn nearly all facets of a small practice and will include regular interaction with clients and attorneys, research, drafting, clerical work and negotiations. Our office works as a team, we are willing to train you. Must be computer literate and comfortable speaking on the phone. Join our collegial environment and learn how law is practiced at the ground level. You will have the opportunity to obtain a great amount of practical experience.

Our line of work is very fulfilling and our clients tend to be grateful for our assistance. If you seek personal satisfaction in addition to great hands-on experience, then this may be the internship for you.

The internship is unpaid, however, school credit may be issued depending on your schools requirements. There is a possibility of this internship turning into a paid position in the future.

Applicant MUST be available for the duration of the summer AND continue during the upcoming semester. Part-time or full-time.

APPLICATION INSTRUCTIONS:
-Email us at the address above with the subject "Internship Application"
-Attach your resume to the email in .doc or .pdf format
-Write a brief cover letter in the body of the email stating the following:
1. Which school you are attending
2. What school year you are entering
3. Your interest and goals in seeking an internship
4. Indicate the extent of your availability for this summer and the upcoming semester
5. Indicate any relevant experience

We thank you for your interest in the firm and look forward to speaking with you shortly!

Compensation: TBD / Internship
This is a part-time job.
This is an internship job
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.

PostingID: 3130301856

My response?

By law, you can't solicit for FULL TIME internships. Go read up on state & federal labor laws; there have been crackdowns on illegal internships on the state & local level.

Plus, you're supposed to be lawyers & should know better than to violate the very laws you're supposed to be using to HELP people.

AND, you have the nerve to charge people $ (transit passes DO cost $; NYC travel ISN'T free) to do this. Who the hell do you think you are? I hope you get contacted by the grievance committee on this since exploitation should certainly be a grievable offense. Even law school work study programs for PUBLIC INTEREST work pay $10 an hour. You are NOT a public interest organization so it also sounds like you're trying to steal from those programs b/c you're too cheap to pay $104 a month for a monthly MetroCard.

Really, go to hell & stop living up to the negative attorney stereotypes. This epitomizes just why people hate lawyers.

Not to mention if you read the labor laws, you can't even say you might give someone a paying job in the future if they do an internship.

I swear, if I knew who any of these firms were or the people there, I'd be reporting them to the ethics committee in a second. We don't need to be standing for this shit & it makes the rest of us look scummy by association. Do we need MORE reasons for the public to hate lawyers as a whole? I have no loyalty to a group of scumbags who are just hurting my reputation as a lawyer as well as that of my lawyer friends who aren't entitled douchebags, exploiting new workers & if they're publicly posting these sorts of ads on Craig's List, doing God only knows what else. I don't associate with scumbags who'd do something like that & have never heard of a legitimate law firm soliciting slavery in such a blatant fashion.

Those pricks need to be publicly castigated & get what's coming for this mess. EVERYONE was new once & I'm sure people helped THEIR sorry little asses without forcing them to pay to work someplace or engaging in outright exploitation for ZERO dollars. Pay it forward, bitches!!! Pay it forward.

This doesn't just go to lawyers but for everyone in the working world. You aren't going to be there forever & you won't have all your mental faculties forever. Don't be a hoarding, jealous asshole to up & comers. The entertainment field is much better with its faster career trajectory.

Perhaps more respect for attorneys would lead to fewer ads like this one:

Need a small business contract revised. (Bronx)

Date: 2012-07-10, 1:34PM EDT
Reply to: nsbwr-3089680758@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


I have paper copies and have somethings to be edited&added. I would need it done asap. So serious inquries only and must have referance's.
Location: Bronx
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: $60

PostingID: 3089680758

My response, though I still see this prick posting the same damn thing:

This is an ATTORNEY thing (meaning it's against the law to get a writer to do this if you expect it to protect you from legal liability; a smart writer wouldn't touch this if they had any aspiration of ever being a lawyer).

Plus, no sane person is doing this for 60. Attorneys charge over $100 AN HOUR for their work.

Have some respect for trained professionals or do it your damn self. You get what you pay for.

Want to keep encouraging this shit, attorneys?

To lighten the mood a little, here's that "I can't believe you posted THAT" ad:

~Masculine men 20-26 for upscale male execs~ (NY NJ)

Date: 2012-06-27, 6:52PM EDT
Reply to: 4pdsq-3094214438@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


In search of masculine males 20-26 for male for male executives and people of influence.
Interested? Do you have what it takes? Look good dressed and undressed? Comfortable with male for male interaction?
Masculine? Discreet? Sane? Open minded? Hot? Good oral skills? (understand?)
Interested and qualified...send e-mail with pictures - face, shirtless chest, body and brief description of why you are right for this opportunity.
No Pictures will get no response.

Location: NY NJ
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: Per opportunity

PostingID: 3094214438

Apparently, the Craig's List Talent Gigs section in my area has become a section to solicit prostitution & hire for adult work. Now in fairness, I think the adult film work & things that aren't illegal in this state but that I don't care to see in "talent" or have associated with my company's business/work as a mainstream entertainment company should get a separate adult section even if it's under a new name.

I don't even intellectually have a problem with escort ads & this sort of thing (which are solicitations for prostitution) but it's illegal in this state so they shouldn't get a forum in the Craig's List "Talent" section which is supposed to be for mainstream entertainment folk. What next, ads asking to buy drugs or offering them for sale? If drug dealers & users can't do that, why should escort services get to? Plus, I'd rather not see it in the talent section; it belongs in the personals since it's "personal" services after all. I believe that's also where you find those ads in the Village Voice.

For me, it's more enforce the laws for everyone or enforce them for no one. The directness of it just made me laugh.

So, it's not just law firms doing appalling internship/slavery ads but apparently a bike shop in Williamsburg (more damn hipsters) also has screwy ideas. Consider this:

Bicycle Start up needs two summer college interns (Williamsburg)

Date: 2012-06-27, 2:43PM EDT
Reply to: tdhhd-3099726729@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


We are looking for two college interns to work at a fast paced bicyle start up in WIlliamsburg. There are two different roles. One is to help build the actual bikes and requires a techincal background, you should know your way around bikes, cars, motorcycles and understanding of basic tools is required. The second role is for a junior SEM/SEO position which will have your managing posting ads and managing emails and responses for sales. Both are paid postions. Please email a resume and picture to sales (at) spcarbon.com Be sure to check out www.facebook.com/spcarbon and www.spcarbon.com to have an idea of what we do. This is a big opportunity which lots of room for growth and we can also help you to get school credit. Thanks

Location: Williamsburg
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: Hourly pay.

PostingID: 3099726729

Growing bike company needs its summer intern (Union Square)

Date: 2012-06-27, 2:37PM EDT
Reply to: tmvr8-3099782056@gigs.craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]


Growing company needs its summer intern !!! Take this opportunity to create website content, edit videos, work on professional pictures, give your ideas and opinions, be a part of a real creative project building high end bicyles in WIlliamsburg off the L train. We need two interns that can do some of the following: Be creative, willing to learn, follow instructions, know some HTML, web design, graphic design, video/photo editing. creative writing, photoshop and illustrator, facebook, pinterest, social networks. Nobody is perfect so we know you will probably not fit each and every of the criterias above. If you are creative and knowledgeable, please send resume and picture to sales (at) spcarbon.com

it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Compensation: hourly pay

PostingID: 3099782056

Did you read these carefully? Notice what they asked for that's illegal? Personal photographs of their applicants. That prompted this note:

Are you seriously asking intern candidates to send in personal photographs? Are you on crack?

That's a total violation of EEOC & you're just asking to get sued for unfair employment practices. Why do you think there are no job ads that say "black people need not apply" or "no white people will be considered?" You need to be getting some legal counsel ASAP since you're going to get sued for this. I'll laugh my butt off when you get fined or lose your little company after getting hammered for violating labor laws.

Not to mention this sort of thing tells your potential clients & vendors a LOT about the type of company you are as well as your total lack of ethics, sense of fair play, etc. If you're looking for fuck puppets, try the personals section.

Yes, to me a business asking for applicant photographs is = to "I'm looking for someone to have sex with and will abuse my power as an employer/person paying your bills to make that person you. I don't give a shit about your personal relationships to anyone else."

I think people like that need to be shot & emasculated, male or female. Perhaps they should patronize one of those escort services if they want to get laid & are too repulsive for any decent person to even consider kissing on the mouth. I wonder if legalizing prostitution would reduce the number of people using the guise of a job to get sexual services from some unwitting victim who just wants to earn an honest living.

An Interesting Lawyer Ethics Discussion

Fighting massive injury & because I had to use it or lose it, I braved the subway & the NYC streets of Union Square to get to a special screening of a documentary called "Unraveled" on Friday (for those who didn't read my last post, I've been laid up with a sprained ankle & was traveling on crutches). This was for free attorney CLE credit for Ethics, the category that is usually harder to get for free (even if you're an experienced lawyer). I've noticed most of those programs cost money.

I & my lucky teammates, however got in for free b/c that was the prize for the '90s Trivia Contest we participated in for a Young Lawyer's event. Personally, I felt extremely gratified at winning that thing since for me it was showing that you should be nice to me & kicking some lawyer butt (plus taking down that whole "BigLaw lawyers are God & the rest of you are shit" ethic). Also met some female attorneys who weren't half bad & left thanking my lucky stars that I don't have to deal with the dating scene as a lawyer. From what I hear, it's a messy business & I'd probably have male attorneys at these associations bothering me on a regular basis.

If that sounds arrogant or snotty, let's consider this from an objective viewpoint & how much hassle I endure regularly simply for looking as I do. Probably not far off after you look at it from that angle. I mean, who else got hit on by a lawyer working at a firm that had a table at a career fair? I'm not even sure my wearing glasses in public would change that, though I think I look horrid in them. One of these days, I'll have to show my industry peeps how I look in them so they can tell me honestly if I'm being dramatic or if I'm right.

Anyhow, it was a total endurance test to get there though I came prepared (put my hair up, didn't wear anything too warm, didn't take my purse). As usual, the theater staff was much more friendly & accommodating than the lawyers I was at the event with. I was directed to the handicap accessible areas to get to the theater I had to go to & in that time, hadn't seen a chair except for one near an employee area. I sat down & no one bothered me. If someone had, I'd have asked where I could sit until I could go into my theater for my screening.

So, I saw the documentary. I'm not going to give you a synopsis or a history since you can Google that yourself. Plus, I don't feel particularly motivated to promote a film by a director that didn't bother to have the good sense to speak to the woman on crutches & make her feel welcome. I noted that he's apparently a filmmaker/BigLaw guy but apparently he's more "lawyer first, creative second" as opposed to someone like me who cares more about the creative side. I can't really tell what the artistic intent was for the documentary; just seemed like a colder transaction to me in all of the discussion (we also got a Q&A). Personally, I thought maybe the filmmaker was trying to humanize this guy. I saw that when you saw this lawyer hugging his dog goodbye & talking about how that dog who he'd had for 7 years had been his only friend.

Good motivator not to commit crime, right (or at least any carrying long prison terms)? See a picture of your dog or cat & think about how upset you'd be having to leave your pets.

The Q&A afterwards was very interesting, though. I didn't see much compassion or sympathy with the director or really anyone else. A few notable details you may like:

* The head of the ethics department at this bar association talked about the lawyer's motivation to start his crime (he had a high profile, wealthy client who'd caused him to get sanctioned & fined as a result of representing that client & did not even so much as apologize, much less help pay some of these fines). The ethics person said that attorneys commonly get pissed off at clients who don't appreciate them & the like but never offered the solution I used for my situations: cut that client loose.

I personally have no tolerance for disrespect or such behavior. If it were me, I'd kick your ass metaphorically & immediately not represent you if you undermine my authority or disrespect me. My representation, just as my friendship or good favor, is a privilege, not a right. If you're in a legal case where the judge has to approve of your terminating representation, that's one thing but I'd go to the judge & say "Look, this person is not listening to me, undermines my authority, (whatever the beef is) & I don't feel I can provide effective advocacy to him/her/it. I want out ASAP." & point to the ethics rule saying as much. At least with a firm, you could assign a different attorney if there's a personality clash.

My bad experiences in representing folks have made me far less tolerant of BS & more likely not to stand for it. Hey, if you don't respect yourself no one else is going to. I have a standard of basic human decency & if you want to be a prick to ME or not pay me, you can handle your legal matters by your lonesome or find a doormat who'll stand for it. My charity will be done at Monday Night Law & for friends/family/trusted sources, not exploitative jerkwads with an entitlement complex. Even then, my charity has a limit.

One time, I was called a bulldog. Mistreat them & they WILL turn on you.

* Another point made in this discussion was that the bar association had been trying to show attorneys that the key to success was not money or prestige.

Ha! Can we say "mixed messages?" Hell, I think that statement was totally ironic along with absolutely ludicrous (though I'm sure the speaker would tell you he didn't mean it that way). Ask these same people how much outreach they give to attorneys not working in the big law firms or how much denigration you'll hear them make about attorneys going to certain lower ranked schools. I've heard this myself as a member of the Entertainment Committee at City Bar.

Let's also examine that incident I heard about at Monday Night Law with the non-profit organization demanding volunteers to be from big law firms vs. solos or in-house lawyers.

How much support & validity do these same lawyers give to folks like me who are running businesses & not making a six figure paycheck?

What snobbery do you see regularly from this corner?

How much catering do these people do for BigLaw & figures in that arena on a regular basis?

I see quite a bit of this & that makes it more than understandable why many attorneys who are creatives first wouldn't be caught dead at bar association events. You think anyone would bother recognizing ME or giving ME respect for things I'm doing? No, I bet I could end up a public figure & these assholes still wouldn't bother reaching out to me for things or respecting my authority in my sphere. That's why my basic attitude is "Fuck them. I'll stick to my creative folks who DO respect me & don't make me feel I should grovel to them b/c I don't have some T1 school or big law firm name in my resume."

I could write a tome on how these law firm attorneys alienate people like me. Now there are some individuals who get it & if they read this, would likely see my point here (the president of NYCLA is one of them). Those aren't the ones who poo poo my career or act like I'm not worthy of breathing the same air as them b/c I don't work in BigLaw.

How about we get over this 7th grade mentality of "I'm better than you b/c I was on law review & work in a big law firm?" How about representation & chances for leadership from people away from BigLaw & the Ivy League? When I see a bar association doing that, then you may start making those statements. I've yet to see this, though I will give this one credit for installing its current president (who did recently get a huge promotion at his big law firm & I told him maybe it would make me less cynical about BigLaw in general since he got recognition). However, it's going to be a very long & hard climb to get me to change my opinion of the legal culture & legal establishment as a whole. In fact, I definitely think this attempt to change my mind could very well be a lost cause.

* Someone who went to high school with the documentary's subject speaks up about how he'd applied early admission to 2 schools in contravention of early admission rules & got into both, angering his classmates.

Okay, that didn't really piss me off since A) the early admission policies I know of tend to be rather draconian & leave no time to apply elsewhere if your early admission place rejects you & B) why did this guy get admitted as a lawyer if he'd have to disclose everything & presumably disclosed or lied about it? Good old boys network politics rearing its ugly head? Separate rules for the Ivy League graduates? Laxer standards for admission in the '70s? Makes you wonder.

Not that I condone doing this but I can understand why someone might do it (it's a reason I don't put myself in situations where I'd be tempted to do the same thing). Guess that sums up my view of the documentary: I wouldn't personally do it & I don't really condone it (seems like way too much work & too sleazy for me) but I understand motivation/the "why" aspect. I also noticed the room taking a very judgey tone, which I found interesting. Yes, theft is theft but are we to see this particular crime as a grey area? How far would people go? This guy at least seemed to have some remorse, which is more than you see in many people.

I think if the legal profession really wanted to avoid stuff like this in the future, it would re-examine its culture, its values & who gets rewarded or punished in employment decisions, bar associations, assigning credibility, etc. Perhaps this guy should have gotten an Oscar for that snow job since that would require some acting skills, don't you think?

Oh, and another lesson. If someone shows up to your film in crutches, try being decent to them. Don't shove in front of their space, okay? I can still be hell on crutches, trust me on this. And...it pisses me off after working my ass off to get someplace when someone doesn't seem all that fazed by my effort in showing up. Little does this guy know about me...and I definitely don't help those who abuse my trust or screw over me or my friends. I'm not promoting another activity at this bar association b/c of mistreatment toward my friend. I noticed that they extended their deadline for entries & I thought "Well, shouldn't have lied to my friend about her film."

Why You're Never Going to See Pictures of Me on LinkedIn...& No, It's Not Because I'm Ugly

As you may know, it always disgusts me to see job ads posted on Craig's List where applicants are demanded to send in pictures of themselves. First off, if it's not an acting/modeling job or something where your looks are a part of it then you're announcing your intent to discriminate in ways that are against federal & state labor law. Second, what about actual SKILLS? Do you want some pretty little airhead or someone who's got some common sense? Since when did banks or law firms become fashion shows? I could point out plenty of people working in non-entertainment jobs who shouldn't be there if we're going to base employment on physical attractiveness. Anyone over a certain age would be out the door unless they'd had plastic surgery or a workout routine like that of the average celebrity. Third, whose standard are you using if you're basing job placement on looks? In entertainment, the answer is easy enough: the designer, production company, or whoever is producing the project.

The real world doesn't have producers & CEOs still have to obey labor laws.

Lastly, in the entertainment world there's artistic merit to hiring based on looks. What merit is there for doing it in a personal assistant job or a law firm associate or even a paralegal?

I read this article yesterday & it made me incensed.

Let me tell you that it's not just ugly people, minorities or old timers who don't want to display their pictures in job applications. No one would call me ugly (I'm industry pretty, remember?) & I won't do it. Here's why:

1. Unless it's a job where my looks actually matter, then WHY do you care? If they don't affect my abilities to perform the job at hand, it's not relevant. If it's icing on the cake, just think of it as some bonus in hiring me & not someone else. Just because someone is as pretty as me doesn't mean they can work as well as I can.

2. I have gotten through this life & earned opportunities without having to resort to my looks. I didn't use it to get through school or get my higher level entertainment positions. Again, they're a bonus to work with me specifically vs. "you must be a goddess to work here." I'd like to think I got my opportunities & grades because of my brain, not because anyone secretly lusted after me.

3. It's unprofessional. To me, using a picture is mixing business with pleasure & I'm happily married. Me using a picture for a non-looks based job is tantamount to me saying I'm sexually available. If I'm going to prostitute myself, I may as well just be a real prostitute & work on my own so I get to keep more of the money.

4. It perpetuates sexism in the workplace. One of my Twitter followers retweeted this story about a lawyer who was hiring a secretary to be a prostitute willing to engage in threesomes with his law firm partner.

Attorneys like this should be disbarred, no questions asked. Can we say "sexual predator?" If this guy is so hard up for sex, he should just hire a prostitute. Granted, this means legalizing prostitution (which I have no issue with as long as it's regulated, children aren't involved & we're talking about 100% consenting adults). Perhaps he ought to try dating, getting a mistress or doing something else that doesn't involve sexual harassment of some poor woman who's just trying to earn an honest living.

Saw this shit firsthand, as you may recall so I take serious offense to this kind of thing. Not to mention that whole higher standard of conduct for attorneys? If we toss out domestic abusers, guys like this should definitely have to go. It seems to me he's broken the law.

Another way it perpetuates sexism? If there are other females in the office, this guy has just told them (in so many words) that if they want a chance for advancement or to not get lost in the next round of layoffs, they're going to have to put out. Isn't the job market shitty enough for women (lower wages, history of discrimination & harassment) without allowing assholes like this to use their power position to rape them? If there are strip clubs that don't make their dancers have sex with people to keep working, why should anyone get to demand that of women not working in the adult industry (I don't know enough about the employment experience at strip clubs to determine whether anyone has to do that & we can save the ethics of requiring dancers to do it for another day)?

5. If you're that curious, you can find out for yourself what I look like. There's no duty on me to make it easier for anyone to find out what I look like.

6. I'm extremely wary of strangers so if you approach me in real life & I don't know you, I might hurt you thinking you're out to harm, harass or otherwise piss me off in some way. I have had stalkers before & that was long before working in this business. One can never be too careful.

I don't understand this trend of telling people to put pictures of themselves on social media profiles viewed by employers or adding these to resumes. Have we forgotten about racial discrimination? Age discrimination? Gender discrimination? Religious discrimination (you may be wearing religious attire in your picture)? As a potential employer, I don't want to know this stuff or open myself or my company up to being accused of it.

It would serve these jerks right to be sued for employment discrimination & have to pay a fortune to a person of color, old timer or some other discriminated person. That would teach a lesson & send a clear message to other companies. This Eve Tahmincioglu needs to remove her head from her butt & see the real world for what it is. Employers aren't your friends & certainly aren't above prejudice or bias. Let's save it for in-person meetings.

I don't mind posting a picture of some cartoon character that looks like me or a picture I took or something close to my heart since it does represent me in a sense. Real pics of me, though? Not on your life! You want one? Take my picture if you interview me.

However, realize that this is what casting companies do when trying to place actors (chiefly, extras) for work. If you're not a casting company, then you need to rethink asking applicants for pictures.

Why Not Working for the Man Kicks Serious Butt

Reading blogs like Evil HR Lady really make me appreciate the fact that I don't have a full time corporate job. So do articles like this one.

Personally, my feeling is that if you want me to do extra work & aren't:

A) Paying me extra money
B) Giving me overtime; or
C) Giving me some other incentive like more vacation time, business equipment, or something else to motivate me

then...you can go pound sand & I'll tell you as much. I refuse to go making a boss look good (#5) if that boss is a sociopathic cretin who isn't going to recognize me or follow quid pro quo. Nor would a lawyer last long anywhere outside a law firm by never delivering bad news or playing devil's advocate (#4). Heck, I feel it's a lawyer's duty not to be a "yes" person. Lawyers should be speaking up if a course of action is going to be bad for the business or lead to a multi-million dollar lawsuit it will likely lose.

#17 is also something I'd never do for a sociopathic cretin; furthermore, you have to have limits or you could end up doing janitorial work or other tasks that are a complete waste of your time in light of your skills. It's just foolhardy to expect a lawyer to clean toilets, you know? Finally, lawyers had damn well better not follow #13 if the boss is breaking the law. Keeping silent on certain things like investor fraud makes you a complicit party or at least like you're giving tacit approval & could get you in trouble with the state grievance committee.

Maybe my experiences have been unusual but I do think they prove you can't be a "good employee" at the expense of your ethical duties or your ability to keep a law license. Clearly, the rules are different for in-house lawyers & after you've had experiences where you had to fight to get your paycheck, you tend to be far less altruistic or sympathetic to an employer.

I recently discovered one plus to being a freelancer: you literally can't bitch about paying taxes to Uncle Sam since he didn't already take taxes from your pay like he did for the employees of the world. Plus, there's the added bonus of not having to worry about the government being too broke to give you a refund. You have that money right there if you set aside too much.

I also saw this article today & I realized why I'm better off doing what I'm doing. Much of this sums up my feelings on typical employers. If it's not a smaller company or someplace that doesn't expect me to give up everything for it, I'm just not going to be happy. Not getting to talk to the CEO or significant higher ups is also a huge problem for my working with anyone.

Finally, it's great to work for yourself because you will never have to write a "mission statement" for any prospective employer. Just today, I saw a Craig's List ad seeking interns & stating that "interns who do not submit a mission statement will not receive a response."

It got me thinking: what would my mission statement be? Kicking ass & taking names? Actually, that should be the mission statement for any attorney, effective government official or Mafia employee.

Seriously, though why does an INTERN need a mission statement? Are you a non-profit organization? A for-profit organization? Or are you a human being? Human beings have goals & aspirations, not mission statements.

Furthermore, if you're a recent college graduate or college student, how would you know what your mission statement is? You wouldn't even have much of a clue on what you wanted to do yet. When I'd graduated college, all I'd done was retail, telephone interviewing, babysitting, research at a presidential library, pet-sitting & helping give out food samples. I was someone who'd had some work experience; imagine people who never worked in high school or college. There are some people who get out of law school never having worked a job in their lives. Do you think they'd have a clue what their "mission statement" is? I didn't get out of college thinking I'd be doing what I do now.

There are older people who still don't know what they want to do. Some of them are living off their parents. Others just fell into jobs that they violently hate. I'll take limited income over being in a job I violently hate, thank you.

I think you have to have done some stuff in life & know more about the real world before you can even contemplate a true mission statement. That is, if you don't find it impersonal to even have one to start with. Do you write that on a resume? Get it tattooed somewhere on your body? It's the first time I've ever seen that as an application requirement.

Mine, if you really want to know is "kicking ass & taking names" or if you like my husband's idea, it's "mating with your men & destroying your society from the inside." If you're dumb enough to ask me for one, I'll have to put it on a resume so you can be all offended by the use of the word "ass."

Life lesson: ask for something asinine, expect to be offended.

Is It a Scam??

I decided that before I'd make a definite decision about that day job I was working, I'd go read up on the case the company was involved in. Since I didn't get anything in my online searching, I decided it would be a good idea to go to the courthouse & read the complaint + other paperwork.

Good thing I did. The lawsuit was for something far too close to what I was asked to do. Not identical but I think there's enough of a credibility issue in that demographic, especially considering it was a default judgment, that I can't risk my license or my professional reputation on such a company even if I don't get a bounced check & the things that were gnawing at me were nothing unusual. Sometimes, you have to listen to your inner voice & take action.

Honestly, I really prefer a day job that doesn't require much investment for me. I already know what I want to do; if we were getting paid for it, I'd be all set. I wouldn't have to deal w/all this nonsense. Overall, I think I'm better off continuing to write, doing my freelance work from home stuff & keeping up on my entertainment endeavors.

I don't want a day job that requires me to work on weekends, wear shoes that kill my feet, or rely on me way too much. It's so easy for people to rely on lawyers too much; it seems I in particular have this problem b/c of being competent as well as someone most people don't want to kill. There's a shortage of people like that & unfortunately, I have a conscience. I'd feel bad if I let someone rely on me that heavily & then had to leave to do one of my entertainment endeavors. The people in my entertainment endeavors understand; they generally don't demand total fealty or expect you to be someplace the rest of your life.

Since I also promised I'd do this, I'll be revealing the name of the talent management company to avoid: Catalyst Management. I suppose I should give Jeffrey Patterson this: he knew better than to try engaging me further. Maybe he recognized that he doesn't know shit about this business; I don't know. If he doesn't, I'm sure others will tell him in so many words.

I'd like for other industry people to let me know how he treated them even though my views aren't going to change unless I hear some severe mea culpa, which I haven't seen at this point.

I had a business meeting today that ended up being canceled. Luckily, I had to dress nice to go to the courthouse & I have a monthly Metrocard. If I didn't, boy I'd be really pissed. Next time, I'm wearing sneakers and dressing as appropriate for the weather. That way, if I get any more cancellations I can at least go stroll around the city comfortably.

But they don't call me "the enforcer" for nothing; 3 strikes & I'm done. I don't grovel to anyone & I will be a success on my terms--just ask my former legal client who seemed to think it was okay to speak to me like an employee & expect me to be the ghostwriter I never agreed to being. Having money, being famous, I don't care. That means nothing to me: I care about your personality & how you treat me. In fact, having money or being famous will probably just lead me to think I need to be on the defensive + you're going to live up to every bad stereotype that exists.

Treating me like shit has consequences & I don't forget. I also don't forgive easily; if you have a problem with it, take it to the people who screwed me up mentally & caused me to be that way. Psychological factors, you know?

But looks like I'll be coping for now.

More Scammers!

I just left my day job today b/c I found out the boss is yet another scam artist. Reading what I read about this guy online, there's no freaking way in hell I'd risk my legal license. Especially considering the job involved the use of my legal license.

He told me he was concerned about being compliant w/the law but the MO sounds awfully similar to the other con man I worked for. I also hadn't gotten my tax paperwork or my required disclosures under the state labor law for new employees. I figure it's better to be safe than sorry. I'm just pissed I had to buy a Metrocard to get home yesterday & got a monthly thinking I'd have an actual, non-ethics violating legal job. Noooo, can't have that can we?

Seems I'll be turning to crime or stripping in a short time unless one of my entertainment gigs, a professional writing opportunity or someone w/an interest in working w/me actually follows through. When you have nothing to lose, there's really no reason to turn that inward. It's better to go down fighting in my book. You'd never catch me killing myself w/out taking a few others down w/me--only people who truly deserve it, though.

I don't blame law schools, the entertainment field (tons of people have day jobs to support themselves) or law professors for such things. I don't even blame investors so much since it's a slow process & they aren't any happier w/the slowness than filmmakers/producers/etc.

I'll tell you who I blame: employers. I blame people who are stuck in arbitrary ways of doing things & who refuse to give anyone a viable opportunity (hi, law firms!). I blame people who violate labor laws left, right & sideways to then make potential employees have to walk around w/fear that they will once again become a victim. I blame idiots who'd rather hire some moron or retain an old dinosaur who could never do the job than bring in new, fresh talent that can think outside the box & whose differences could make that business a million times better than it is right now.

So enough w/the stupid scam artists. All I freaking want is a steady, PAYING job that doesn't require me to sign my life away, commit to working there for the rest of my life & whose checks won't bounce (if I even get one). Since I've done a lot of things some of these law school scam bloggers may not have, I can't just walk into any old place to apply. 7 years of retail shuts you out from most jobs like that. I'm overqualified to be an entertainment intern & a writing intern. I'm even overqualified to be a personal assistant or an executive assistant.

The best I can do is ask people if they'd want to work w/me personally & work out some arrangement w/me based on my skills. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Maybe I should consider becoming a headhunter since I've even gotten jobs for others; I think I'm better at that than I am at getting myself a legitimate, paying job that doesn't make me want to stab my eyes out or consider prostitution as an alternative.

A big sign that you don't want a particular job: you'd rather be a prostitute instead. So I need to find some business owners or people who actually make hiring decisions. If someone knows anyone who hires paralegals, I'd do that & can make a very good argument on why I should be considered. I even have prior experience at a paralegal type job.