Concerts: If Only You Didn't Have to Deal With Those Pesky Fans

I went to a concert on Saturday with my husband. We went to "They Might Be Giants" for a standing room only show at Terminal 5 near CBS Studios. They're a great band & aren't assholes about people taking photographs. Plus, they're just darn talented & have some good songs. You have my husband to thank for my presence at this concert & knowing some of their songs. They also have the ultimate birthday song called "Older."

Their opening act was also surprisingly good & had music that related to the show we were going to be seeing (unlike the mostly crap we had to hear in between acts, which I'll save for the Yelp review). Suzanne Vega even made a special guest appearance for one of their songs!

My history with concerts is very, very recent. Before meeting my husband, I had been to one concert in my entire life. I went to an Eve 6 show in Atlanta in the early 2000s after their big heyday (I believe it was early 2002). I ended up going to that because it was a sorority/fraternity event with my sorority & the fraternity that I have to say I preferred.

For one, they had members who were openly gay (if you read about the racism & homophobia going on at my school + know a bit about frat culture, you know what a rarity that is). Second, they didn't take stuff like Greek Week seriously. They also generally behaved like gentlemen & didn't go around telling people they were gentlemen. One sorority sister I hung out with often was also a little sister there, plus they actually invited me to one of their parties. While I never felt unwelcome at any of the frats except maybe that one brandishing the Confederate Flag, I always felt this particular frat was the one where I'd be most welcome. One of their openly gay members actually told me once that I was weird, even for Oglethorpe. I considered that a compliment since being weird in a small town is easy while being known as weird at a liberal arts school in Atlanta takes effort. These were the kind of guys that would tell you something like that & mean it as a compliment vs. a put down.

Basically, this was the frat on my campus that defied the frat stereotypes much like my chapter was defying the sorority stereotypes. I never felt out of place there & they were a fun group to hang out with. They were also known for having good parties along with another frat who became an ally of ours later on.

Other than that concert, I didn't really go to any. I had a job for 75% of my time in high school (isn't that scary) & even if I'd had time, I had no way to get there since my parents would have had to drive.

Once, a black guy in my English class (this is important to the story) remarks in the middle of class that "All the white people are going to the Garth Brooks concert." I shoot right back "I'M not!" After this, he says "Okay, all the white people except [The Angry Redheaded Lawyer]." I think I said "That's better" or "Thank you."

Besides my general cheapskate tendencies of getting your money's worth (meaning no nosebleed seats for me), I also don't like standing in long lines or dealing with obnoxious behavior. These have been major factors in why I didn't & for the most part don't go to concerts.

Contrast this with my husband, who got to go to a great many concerts in his 20s and went to them in NYC & Long Island. He laments the days of affordable shows & hates the Ticketmaster monopoly. He has lots of stories of concerts he went to; sadly, he had an extra seat for a Pearl Jam show that if he'd known me at the time I'd have killed to use since I was sitting in NC & being miserable at that precise date and year in time. He's in the fan club so if Pearl Jam has a NYC show, we get good seats if we're able to beat the classist ticket buying system that favors whoever has the fastest Internet connection (what else is this but classist). It's truly pissed him off with how shitty that system is. That's more his rant than mine, though I do have some strong views about that.

Which brings me to a primary reason I'm not big on concerts: the fans. Boy, do I have stories about bad fans:

1. At the very first Pearl Jam show I went to, a drugged up guy comes to the end of our row to watch the show. Fine, people do that sort of thing to get a better view. I should mention that at a Pearl Jam show, everyone stands up for the whole thing. I'm no exception here.

This guy decides to sit in my seat. Okay, getting less cool but when I feel tired I can sit in hubby's seat since he's not close to needing a sit break.

Suddenly, I feel this guy's hand going up my leg. I jerk away & give him a look. He apologizes. A guy sitting to our left in the next set of rows chases him away. My husband acts all nonchalant about it while this guy feels my husband should be ready to kick this guy's ass.

I thought that gentleman had a point & immediately took it up with my husband after the show. My husband claimed he didn't want to get thrown out so he didn't make an issue of it. I asked how he'd react if someone tried raping me; would he just watch the show & not bother? I pointed out that if you're going to be married to me, there's a duty to actually stand up for me. Doesn't matter if I can take care of myself or not; it's a principle. Wives are different from girlfriends. When I dated Vampire Boy, he once told me when we were going to a house party that I would be on my own if any guy harassed me. Yes, he was the same height as me & yes, I don't take shit but at the same time, it sounds pretty cold right?

I told my husband that if he ever did that again, we wouldn't be together anymore. Later on, he apologized to me & told me that of course I was more important than his watching Pearl Jam in concert.

Men, if you think you don't have a duty to stand up for your woman if someone attacks her you don't deserve that woman & you sure as hell don't deserve one who is considered a catch by man.

Women, if a husband won't stand up for you, why the hell are you married to him? Even a boyfriend who doesn't do it should be Mr. Right Now. Plus, do you really want to sleep with a guy who probably also wants to cut off your access to contraceptives while wanting his right to pop Viagra by the mouthful when HE needs it?

2. We get to go to one of the Billy Joel "Last Play at Shea" shows since my in-laws didn't want to go & had gotten tickets as a gift. We got some pretty decent seats & could actually move while sitting there.

Unfortunately, we had to deal with some asshole drunk guys who were trying to drag us into a situation with some ladies they were bothering.

3. The Cure concert, located out in the sweaty heat, where we had assholes trying to cut in front of us. I had to elbow a bitch to keep her away from my line of sight. My husband was even more inventive with people trying to block his view.

A friend who went with us, though, ended up feeling overheated and had to get away from the prime viewing spot we got. We didn't get to catch up with her until after the show.

This is not to say all my concert experiences have been bad. We've been to Stephen Lynch, Mary Prankster (who also told me I was skinny) & went to see some random group at CBGB before it closed (so I could have the experience of actually getting to see a band there as my hubby saw Mary Prankster there years before we met).

After going to this concert, though some basic thoughts:

1. No more standing room only shows for us. My husband was in massive pain afterwards & I think it lingered into the next day. I was generally annoyed & we had decent spots but once I had my late dinner, I was fine.

2. If I can't get VIP or otherwise won't be in the cattle line, I'll pass. Sorry but I'm accustomed to & expect a better level of service in such settings, especially in the entertainment realm where I actually work/have contacts. Treat me like a peon & bad things could happen. For God's sake, I get all kinds of offers for special fancy stuff without anyone knowing about what I do for a living & have to deal with people trying to kiss my butt for various reasons.

There's also that whole motivation factor. I'm not motivated if I'm not getting good seats with an awesome deal.

3. Your show must be in a climate controlled area. No reason for me to get sunburned, overheated or die of frostbite.

Remember, I'm not a fan of anyone.

I feel like the setup of concerts is generally designed to play a game called "How Much Discomfort/General Unpleasantness/Annoyance/Total Shit Treatment Can I Subject You To Where You Will Still Come to My Show?" Hearing about my husband's one experience with an ABC concert (the show started at 8, they took the stage after midnight & were pricks about the whole thing) & stories about how Axl Rose didn't show up for Guns N' Roses concerts bolster this belief.

I wouldn't even go to a concert for God under the conditions most people are required to endure to go to the average rock concert. What happened to those legendary shows with great acts where tickets didn't cost hundreds of dollars each for decent seats?

In this current situation, you're just not going to motivate me to go to your concert. If I know you personally & you get me good seating + treatment for a price I consider reasonable without me having to deal with Ticketmaster, long lines or shitty seats, we'll be in business. Until then, I'm going to stick to indie bands that are recommended to me or where I know one of the members.

In other words, an act that isn't made up of pretentious douchebags who think my time is shit.

General Musings Part 19

This one may end up a little longer than normal because I have some serious rants for some of it. Some could make up their own blog posts in an of themselves but I'll see what I can do to reserve some of it for separate posts.

* First off, I don't know if Betty White actually said this or not but if she did "brava." Some famous people are spoiled assholes who don't appreciate that A) most people don't make in a year what they make per movie & some make less per year than they make per TV episode, B) lots of people would trade places with them in a second & C) the criminal justice system is completely biased in favor of celebrities.

Do you think a regular person would get the same punishments, second changes, etc. as Lindsay Lohan has for doing precisely what she's done? I don't think so.

Any famous person who appreciates those facts and finds "bad behavior" reprehensible should be praised. That's a person who appreciates the admiration of the common people & presumably is in touch with them.

Yes, celebrities have to go through all sorts of stuff & I can understand why drug and alcohol addiction are so rampant in the industry but if you're going to do that stuff, not get treatment then continue to break the law and flout your superiority to others, I have zero sympathy for you. In fact, your total failure will be even more glorious to the common person. Want people to root for your success or throw parties after your death because they hate you?

* This is just funny. It makes you want to create your own town & come up with fun street names.

I was contemplating variations of the "Baby on Board" sign since I happened to see one as we were driving yesterday. I came up with "Satanist on Board" and "Flirty Homosexuals on Board." If I had one of those signs, I'd want something clever & interesting like those that just happened to be true for our situation; not sure what that would be for us. "Crazy People on Board" is just too easy.

* Oh, and do me a favor. Let's just shut up about how gay marriage is immoral and that other crap, all right? Stop persecuting gay couples & grant gay marriage in all 50 states already! Gay people are absolutely right about the fact that they're treated like second class citizens. Consider this.

Want a theocracy? Claim your own island & take all the nutbags of your faith with you. When I say "nutbags," I'm referring to people who have zero logical reasoning skills, make no effort to live in modern society and think they are Lord & Master (or Lady & Mistress) of everyone else's lives. The people who protest abortion but never adopt unwanted kids or try to reform the foster care system while also indulging doctors who demand all childfree women to breed before getting voluntary sterilization.

Better yet, move to an existing theocracy. Leave the rest of us alone & we'll leave YOU alone. Fair? Gay marriage has NOTHING to do with YOUR marriage.

Let's repeat this: a gay couple getting married has NOTHING to do with your marriage to your fundie spouse. Stop being an ass to the homosexuals because of your sexual frustration within YOUR marriage!

* Thank God I don't have kids who live in Chicago. I'd say "hell no!" to this one.

Let's see: there's the unappetizing lunches, the health content involved (to my knowledge it hasn't changed since Super Size Me), general selective eating, etc. These school board members and powers that be who made this choice should be forced to eat the cafeteria food themselves. If they wouldn't touch it or even feed it to their dogs, they have no right to demand school children to eat it if they don't have medical conditions. Meddling at its worst.

What next? Force everyone who's skinny to take injections to be just like the fat kids so the fat kids won't feel bad about themselves? I see this policy just helping anorexic kids out since they'll have a good excuse not to eat.

* Speaking of the picky eater argument, I read this Dear Prudence column yesterday.

Okay, here's the thing. I am a picky eater & there's no medical reason or some such nonsense. Nor do I need "therapy" for it.

You want to know why I'm picky? Genetics or environment, take your pick.

First off, my mom is a very picky eater. Don't give her onions, cabbage, garlic, etc. She's not going to eat it. Because she wasn't one of those hypocrites who made her kids eat things she wouldn't eat herself, we weren't given certain things as kids. No brussel sprouts, turnips, salmon, etc., etc. I also grew up in the South & certain cuisine is not good down there. This was even more true when I was younger & there were very few "ethnic" people.

Second, my family did not have the money to take us out to eat at fancy restaurants. I didn't even get to go to a casual dining restaurant to sit and eat until I was in high school and that was because I got inducted into the National Honor Society. We were lucky to get fast food once a week as kids.

Finally, most people I know do not eat "exotic fare." They are "burgers, french fries, chicken tenders" kind of people. Some of them don't eat any vegetables while others eat a few, including me.

I saw a lot of comments on this letter about how "this person eats like a little kid" and anyone who's a picky eater either needs therapy or should have their diet critiqued by snobby foodies.

That's not what I needed. I ate more things by hanging out with different people, going to college and actually getting to go places + try food without having to waste lots of money on things I might not like. That's how I got to eat Mexican food.

News for you foodies: stop playing food police & denigrating people who don't eat squid, eyeballs, tofu or other exotic fare. Shut the fuck up about what I put into MY body. It has no effect on YOU unless it causes gasiness & you're in the same general area. There's no harm to YOU because of what I eat, got it? And health concerns? Butt out & focus on your own health. I'll bet you weigh more than me.

I'd rather die at 80 eating what I wanted than live to 100 eating nothing but tofu & cardboard. Enjoy life a little; maybe then you'll remove that stick from your ass.

I've tried particular things. I don't like them, I won't eat them. If I go to a restaurant and PAY for my food, you'd better believe I have every right to have my meal without onion, cilantro, salmon or whatever I don't eat that I will taste if I simply "pick it off." However, I do like cooked asparagus and zucchini (which I never got to have without going to events as an adult). I actually had black caviar at a lawyer event that was topping an appetizer I ate & it didn't even register a taste to me; I'd eat that again.

Go to Hell if you think picky eating is a deal breaker. Many people don't live in major cities, have relatives from foreign countries or like fusion cuisine. Find a fusion or Thai restaurant in my hometown that you'd eat at and not worry about the food quality. There's a reason you won't find that kind of thing on the scale you find fast food, BBQ places, casual dining, etc. I think that's probably the case in Middle America.

Interestingly enough, no one I know has ever bitched at me about what I do or don't eat in a restaurant. If anything, the picky are saving a restaurant money because they can save that onion, red cabbage, guacamole, egg, cilantro, etc. for those who DO eat it. It's why I prefer places that make their foods in the kitchen and don't use mixes. I've also not noticed many men playing food police. Most of the ones I know are "meat and potatoes" types & some downright won't bother going to certain types of restaurants.

I also think this debate is a tad classist. The "I eat everything" folk apparently come from money or health nuts. Personally, if you are worried about that in a life partner you have very big problems and would be labeled a whiny, preachy person around "meat & potatoes" people.

* Special bravo to Prince for this. He's entirely right, you know. Ticketmaster IS the devil!

* This I would not do for an ex. Thankfully, my husband has no plans to leave me or cheat on me. We have a very simple solution for that one. It seems like children seem to play more in those decisions; one more good reason not to have kids. If you'd still been friends years later, that's one thing. Otherwise, I'd just let karma handle it.

* However, I'd do this in a second. Again, kill a family member of mine then get smug & laugh about it? I won't be responsible for my actions & I think any lawyer could have a viable argument for temporary insanity if not total insanity.

I also think the terms "little bitch" or "slut" apply to this ex-girlfriend & I'd have called her this much for making such cracks. Remember, you probably had sex with him & most likely cheated on him. What does that make YOU?

I'd also have to say "I'm sorry your family is going to have to pay for your funeral expenses because I'm going to rip your head off if you don't shut the hell up and get out of my sight permanently." These scumbags wouldn't be able to walk the streets without 24 hour security if it were me.

The world at large should be thrilled I'm only putting this kind of thing in my creative work instead of going out & doing it in real life. Give most people opportunities, you prevent criminal acts.

* And gee, why am I not shocked by this? I almost want to thank the company that left me in job offer limbo for months for not getting back to me. Now I don't have to endure the belligerent and abusive skies!

* Also not a shocker. Gee, who wants move to Sweden now? I'd consider it.

Seems part of worker abuse in America is cultural differences that allow it to flourish. If you ask me, that difference is the dumbing down and sheepledom that result.

I bet if segregation were the norm today, you have millions of apologists saying "Oh, don't cause trouble." and "Don't go protest this. You're interrupting law & order." Look at how people react toward those who protest constitutional violations in the form of TSA screenings, graduation ceremonies and high school racism. If you don't think I'm right, then you have much higher hopes for humanity (& perhaps more naivete) than I do.

* Finally, read about high school girls using Facebook to claim their prom dresses.

If you want a unique, one of a kind dress I have a more radical idea. Get someone to MAKE your dress!!! Pick a fabric & style you want. If you browse stores & the Internet carefully, I guarantee no one will be copying you + you won't be ruining the moment by announcing what you're wearing beforehand.

Or get something & alter it if you have some sewing skills. That or let someone else do it.

Ladies, you NEVER tip your hand when going to a prom. Would you post pictures of your wedding dress on Facebook if all your friends were getting married at the same time so that your friends don't copy you? Do you think celebrities do this for red carpet events? I don't think so: the element of surprise is just as important.

Plus, how do you know someone's not just going to lie & hold a dress you like so you can't wear it to then show up in something no one else "claimed?" Teenage girls can be real bitches; I was one once & I certainly could be one when I wanted to. If you've got hundreds for a prom dress, I'm pretty sure you can pay the same money to a dress maker for a one of a kind; bonus if you know someone who has the ability to do it.

So there you have it. Now I should have time to watch another movie I haven't seen this afternoon.